Daily Archives: April 6, 2015

Breakfast? ME?


I don’t do breakfast. I am usually not up for one thing and I hate to cook and I hate to enter the kitchen and possibly interrupt my dad with his breakfast.

Well today I was up, showered and have had scramble eggs for breakfast. I also needed to pull my blood sugar up some.

Now honestly I need to do this everyday and maybe someday I will be at that point, but right now it is a start. All habits have to start somewhere.

I keep saying I need to make up a list that I can checkoff things as I do them. Even the simple stuff like taking a blasted shower.

Now I have to admit that I feel just a little better with the Fibromyalgia. It could be quitting the diet soda, drinking more water, the adrenal gland stress relief or something else. Maybe it is just a remission. Whatever it is I will take it. The fact that I can touch my lower back especially is a big deal with no serious pain. An ache is bearable. Even my knees aren’t as painful. Now to get the sugar out of my diet.

The Latuda is still on hold as they try to reach the nurse to contact the insurance company.

Tessa

Therapy – Letting Go


This is a good accounting of whether to move on or not or if we can now.

My Travels with Depression

untitledI’ve been thinking a lot about last week’s experience with my Therapist, Paul, when we sat together, “Experiencing the Void.” While I realised this was significant, I had no idea what “the void” actually was.

The void feels like I am standing mid-way along a footbridge that leads from the past to the present and into the future. Behind me is the small world of soul-destroying experiences, which I’m somehow miraculously outgrowing, and ahead is vast uncharted territory. I am unable to go back but feel equally uncertain of how to proceed, so I hover in this weird void like state.

In my last post, I talked about there being a wall of emotion I need to walk through before I can move forward. This transparent wall holds all the things I need to face up to – The tears and acceptance, the unresolved anger, and the uncertainty of how…

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Fasting Blood Sugar 63, not good!


I am awake early this morning for a while anyhow. Will probably lay down again in a bit.

I remembered to take my blood sugar and it was 63, much too low. 70 is considered low and now I have to get it up some without taking it too high. I could shower and make eggs if my strength holds up. I have to get my hair cut because it is long and heavy and I can’t keep my hands up long enough to wash it correctly. I also have the clean clothes from yesterday to fold and put away.

All morning pills, detox, adrenal gland pills and my inhaler are done. I am starting to remember my inhaler most days now.

Also a bottle and a half of water already down.

I am currently reading my morning posts. Some come in early because I set them up for a daily format to make less email.

Tessa

 

Eyes Left – non-fiction piece I wrote


This is a post I originally wrote on my other blog www.finallyawriter.com  It is a true story and from 1976 when my now ex-husband first joined the Marine Corps. This was the schooling that he had to take before he went to his first duty station. He was fresh out of boot camp.

Eyes Left

The Marine behind the desk was not amused when my husband went to check into his new duty station for his training after boot camp and was followed by me.

“Who is that?”

“My wife, sir!”

“If the Marine Corps wanted you to have a wife we would have issued you one.” What?

My mouth dropped open. I couldn’t say a word.

Now we had driven down from New Jersey to North Carolina and it wasn’t like I could just go home. We had all of our worldly goods with us.

“What did you plan to do with her?”

“Sir, we have money saved and we were going to get someplace in town.”

We were already married when he joined the Marines. This situation was a little different than the Marines who graduated from boot camp and got married on leave and came back with wives.

Eventually things calmed down and after some discussion it was decided that he could live off base, but had to be on base early in the morning and then stay til they were done. We found a nice trailer park and every morning I drove him in and picked him up.

I also made him lunch and took it on base for him every day. I found the parking lot where he could find me and sat in my car with the door open and sat sideways in the seat with my legs out and on the ground while I waited that first day. I was nervous and then I could hear a group coming as they were marching with a Marine Corps Cadence. It was fascinating to watch them marching in unison and repeating the cadence their leader was shouting.

What I wasn’t ready for was as they came abreast of my car the leader shouted, “eyes left!” They all turned to look straight at me.

Now I was 20 years old and weighed less than 100 lbs. I was a tiny little thing with a big chest and all I was wearing was short shorts and a halter top. Very disconcerting having all those eyes fastened on me.

I eventually got used to it happening and provided visual entertainment for the troops every day.

Tessa – who now blames her behavior on the Bipolar Disorder. I always became hypersexual and what they call a tease.