Daily Archives: April 12, 2015

I survived this crazy day!


  • I never got back to sleep this afternoon so I gather I had enough even with the extra sleeping pills. 
  • I had all my water, detox and nasty adrenal pills and my inhaler.
  • I didn’t walk today. Not a good idea with all these extra drugs in me. 
  • I had a lot of extra carbs, more than I planned since my BS crashed so low this afternoon. Dinner was scrambled eggs, sausage and some of the potatoes and a glass of water. One hour after meal my BS was 147, which considering all the carbs I had today that is pretty good. Now I have to check it at 2 hours which is the real test. The extra diabetes medications today may have helped that. I just checked the 2 hour one and it is 128. It actually came down.
  • I did cut the diabetes pills in half for now on and will take one half in the morning and one half at night and see if I can spread these numbers out. I am determined this time to take better care of my body. Some things I can’t change, but I can make some things easier to live with.

Tessa

I forgive…


I, Teresa Elizabeth Smeigh (Dean), do hereby forgive “A”, and myself, for what happened between us when we were 17. I am 58 years old now and this has taken too much of my life. It is time to heal the deep emotional scar. I am proclaiming it here so that I can see it in writing and know that the words are seen by others.

Tessa

What affects blood sugar levels?


This a pretty comprehensive article on what affects blood sugar levels.

1  AccuCheck BG Meter - Copy

Blood sugar level is influenced by a vast number of causes.  Food is one of them, including how much, how often and a combination of the different kinds of food; physical activity, hormone levels, to name a few.

The whole idea of the Diabetic Diet that I firmly believe exists, is to deliver a steady supply of carbs every a couple of hours.  We’re talking about breakfast, snack, lunch, snack, dinner, and snack again.  Carbs allowance is 3-4 per meal and 1-2 per snack.  After a while of the hands-on carbs counting it becomes a second nature.  For those wondering what I’m talking about, 1 carb = 15 g.  Measuring cups help tremendously.  For example, a quarter cup of cottage cheese represents one carb.

I am going to give a breakdown on the individual factors that affect blood sugar levels.

  • First off, CARBS that is short for the carbohydrates. There are simple…

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I am such an idiot…


After my double dose of my night time medications this morning, I went to sleep for awhile. I woke up when my blood sugar dropped and had some crackers and peanut butter and then went back to sleep only to wake up shaking and barely able to walk. My sugars had dropped again, a lot. So got my son to take me out to eat something with carbs and I got a real soda with sugar. Now I have something here if it drops again. What a mess taking the wrong pills does. I am still awake, but will doze off again soon most likely.

I got all my water so far and detox and forgot the adrenal glands medicine so I just took that and will have to remember again in 5 hours. I am all messed up today.

Tessa

My Story (So Far)


Your article is a good cause for advocacy. keep it up!

Mental Health...Sometimes

I used to be ashamed of my mental illness. I didn’t want to tell anyone, especially my family. I thought they’d laugh at me and think I was weak. Why? Could it be because society still views mental illness as a taboo subject to broach? I still don’t get enough support from my family and peers. But, through organizations such as Speak up 4 Mental Health, NAMI California, and Active Minds I am surrounded by beautiful and compassionate advocates who work every day to erase the stigma and discrimination.

Not long ago, I felt utterly hopeless. I have been battling treatment-resistant bipolar disorder most of my life. I have never felt like there was anyone I could express my suffering to. Yes, I still suffer today but I no longer let my illness bring my spirit down and inhibit my immense passion for change.

​In August of 2009—during my…

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Selective Ignorance


A must read article!

Take a Ride on My Mood Swing

I still remember the day Robin Williams died. And R said, “He was so funny, he had everything to live for, why would he do something so stupid as to kill himself?”
Like depression wasn’t a “good enough” reason.
And I just marveled, How can someone be as intelligent as R and yet say something so asinine?
But maybe it’s more ignorance than anything. Unless your mind is open to empathizing (his is not on the mental health issue) you will view it as trivial.
Those who live it…It’s not trivial at all. It’s hard. It takes bravery and tenacity and more strength than anyone can fathom.
Depression kills. Maybe in the form of suicide but the mental illness is what drives you to it. Misfiring neurons or imbalanced chemicals put you in that dark place where you cannot escape. It tells you things are futile. That you are useless…

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Hearing things, seeing things, blood sugar 74 at 6 AM – Took night pills instead of morning pills


I am up again and now it is 6 AM. First I was seeing things, purple cobwebs, now I keep hearing someone call my name. It always sounds like my Dad yelling at me, but he is sleeping and anyway the person would  have to stand over my bed and yell since I am hard of hearing and it is loud. So my imagination was having a great time last night or early morning really. Let’s just say my nerves are on edge right now.

  • Taking a shower to have the hot water ease my back pain some. We don’t have a tub and couldn’t get in or out even if we did. 
  • Blood sugar fasting is 74 again. If I switch when I take my pill it will be low at night and high fasting. Hmmm come to think of it when I first started it I took it half in the morning and half at night.  I wonder if that will even that out better. I switched because I always forgot the morning pill and got up so late so doctor switched it to night times. Maybe since I seem to be up early every morning now and take my pills every day maybe I should break it in half and see if I can even it out. Because 74 is too low and 275 at night is too high. Oh no I just took  my night pills instead of my morning pills. Now that is not good. I am going back to sleep and getting way too much of my night psyche meds. Just fucking great! This means I took the whole diabetes meds this morning and I am already low. I have to eat something whether I want to or not.
  • Weight is still 119, no more losses yet.
  • I took pills but the wrong ones. Don’t know what double psyche meds will do to me. I took them last night at midnight and at 6:00 AM this morning. What is going on with me. I guess these drugs are fucking me up worse than normal. What a fucking night I had. Sorry for the cursing it is not the normal me, but I am not the normal me right now.

Terri

Purple CobWebs…


I just woke up to purple cobwebs and a room I did not recognize.

Time for that night light again. In fact I couldn’t remember what my room looked like in real life. I was cowering under my blankets. I was thinking giant cobwebs equal giant spiders and I didn’t want to meet them. I just put my light on. It gives light, but not too bright a light.

I was awake so they weren’t nightmares so that leaves hallucinations. They are getting much too wild for me. I might have to start reading Dr. Seuss’s books although they are filled with weird pictures that would go with my weird things.

Oh for goodness sakes I am so drugged up I can’t type for shit.

Tessa