The End of the Misery — (non-fiction) Slightly Long Story


I woke up to a beautiful morning. I had plans later that afternoon I was looking forward to. A, my husband, asked me,”If I wanted to go get me a new car?”

I was so excited that the fact that he was letting me pick it out, that I out-weighed the caution I should have had since I always drove the new vehicle, but never got to choose it. I found a black sporty Ford Escort with a spoiler on the back. I changed my mind when I find out it was $3000 more than the plain black escort. He said, “No,no, get whatever one you want!” So I threw caution to the wind and said I want the sport one.

We knew the dealer and he told him to write it up in my name. Another oddity, but I didn’t say anything. We were able to drive it home that day. Insurance was contacted and the only thing troubling me was that I needed a refresher course on driving a stick-shift. I hadn’t driven one in a while.

As the paperwork was finished the car was in his name only, mine wasn’t mentioned and they couldn’t change it. He was upset by that. He wanted it in my name. He is still acting strange.

Mindful of the time and that I had to drive quite a difference in a car I wasn’t used to was going to be a trip. Now I was on my way to see a guy. My husband A and I tried about 3 years of an open marriage in order to save it. The rules were we told each other where we were going and who we were meeting just in case there was trouble. I was going alone. This one wasn’t a wife swap. We did it both ways.

I finally felt comfortable enough and jumped in the car and took off to meet this guy. It was a long drive and I worried about getting lost.  We finally met up and got acquainted. The afternoon ended in a motel. That is the way these things worked. I headed home after that. 

After dinner I went upstairs to work on my computer. We were started a business and I was making an online catalog website. It was a lot harder then than it is now. I had to hand code everything. I didn’t use an editor to just type what you want and it would type the code. In the meantime he was downstairs on his computer.

Something occurred to me and I needed to ask him so I padded barefoot downstairs and into the family room where the other computer was. Just as I walked in across the screen came in big letters,”I love you and miss you and when can we get together.” I knew who she was, she was M and she and her husband were supposed to meet us, but she always had an excuse so it was always a three-some for dinner and show and gambling at the casino she worked for. It was a comp.

I had been beginning to get suspicious because he never told me he was going to meet her. He would come home and say “What a surprise I ran into M and we had dinner.”She lived no where near us and there were too many coincidences.

Finally he asked her when her husband would be ready to meet us? She stalled and finally said he didn’t like short girls. I am 4’11” tall. That didn’t bother me I was happier with a single guy although I did have three-somes and we went to many party’s that turned into orgies. Not my favorite, but I did it to make him happy. Now I do have to tell you that seeing someone else was my idea and I told him that he had the same priviliges. I didn’t want to cheat and an open marriage was good enough. I wanted to try sex with someone else.

I did this because I couldn’t stand him touching me. He disgusted me. I thought I was having a serious problem since everyone seemed to love sex and I hated it. I found out it wasn’t me, it was him and me. 

This was the perfect way to stay married with the kids and still have enjoyable sex. Ahh, but remember him and his meetings with M all the time.

So that night when I came downstairs it was M who was writing about love and missing him and seeing him soon.

I didn’t say a word. I turned around and walked upstairs sat down at my computer and went back to work. 

About 15 minutes later A comes upstairs and sits on the bed so he could watch me while he took his shoes off. He told me,”Oh I am taking my shoes off for the night.”

One I could see that and two he never brought them upstairs. 

She sent him upstairs to see what I was doing. Maybe I was having a breakdown and killing myself, I mean with my Bipolar they thought I was nuts. He wasn’t prepared to see me working and no tears. He finally dragged it out as long as he could and went down the stairs again.

I got ready for bed and went to bed, not saying a word.

Days went by I refused to talk and he was walking around scared about what was going to happen.

Finally all the lights in the house were on when he got home from his night job. He knew his time had run out. 

He came upstairs and I said, “What is going on? What are you and M doing? Do you want a divorce?”

“No,” he said. “I want our family to stay together.”

“So the three of us are going to be a family?”

“Oh, no M and I will just see each other occasionally.”

I wasn’t ready for a divorce so I agreed.

It wasn’t 2 days later when he came into the house and says, “M’s husband found out about us and her kids hate her now. Her husband wants a divorce.”

Now if you remember correctly her supposedly knew about the swapping and her husband just didn’t like short girls.

Lies, nothing but lies.

“Now we get the divorce,” I said. “Unless you want to go to marriage counseling?”

No he didn’t. He was sorry, but he wanted M.

Fine, I was finally free of a marriage I didn’t want in the first place. He used the “I am going to kill myself if you don’t marry me trick.” He also used it when he thought maybe I was going to divorce him before he met her. Sick man. Found out lately he was a narcissist.

I had always said I couldn’t leave him. It couldn’t be my fault. Especially since he kept threatening to kill himself if I left. So I wished for this, but you know what, be careful what you wish for. The divorce came as a shock anyhow.

Telling the kids was heart-breaking. The girls K1 an K2 were in their early 20’s and W3 was 12 and my soon to be ex-husband demanded custody or he would drag my name through the mud for the courts.

We did our own divorce. I got the shit-end of the deal, but I was free from that man.

We went to court and he told me that I had better not cry and embarrass him. He thought I would and when I didn’t he was shocked and hurt. He thought I would cry over him. I showed him.

He took our son until he was 16 and refused to live with him anymore and came to me.

I maybe lonely, but I am happier without him.

He proposed to her right away, gave her a fancy ring and here it is 16 years later and no marriage. They just live together and not happily every after.

 

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10 thoughts on “The End of the Misery — (non-fiction) Slightly Long Story

  1. kat

    my ex (who i found out after divorcing him, was a narcissist–coulda used that knowledge so much earlier) actually did use my bipolar as a reason he should have the kids, when he was the one who walked out, and quit paying rent and other utilities. and he used his silver tongue to get it done. child services clung to me for 2 yrs, one more court date and they would have gone to foster care (he had no part of family court once they leeched onto me). i begged him to take them. he finally did, just before they were to be taken. the point is, none of this was about the kids, or about him and me, or even about divorce—it was all about him looking like the knight in shining armour, saving the day, putting up with a crazy woman (and having is considered true by the court). all he really wanted was the attention, in all those positive ways. i don’t know how i never realized how manipulative he had always been.

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      1. kat

        you are right. bc of all the crap against me, and the kids, i dropped it and moved to follow him so i could be near the kids. he just gave them back when i got an apartment. but i was afraid to go for divorce again–that the same thing would happen. i waited 3 more years when i thought he couldn’t use my illness against me ( cause i had been stable for all that time), and filed again. we agreed to everything, and i finally got the kids legally and with child support.

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        1. Tessa Post author

          I am glad that you did finally get them back. I just recently discovered mine was a narcissist too. But I still didn’t want to drag it through the court. He paid to support him instead of try to get me to do it. I had no money to support myself and then when I took him at 16 I supported him. With help from my parents.

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  2. donnainthesouth

    Tessa, sounds like my oldest son – what did I do to raise a narcissist? anyway, what he told his wife when, when they were living together before they got married and on the run from the law for child support for his first child and she got tired of it and said she was leaving him and he told her he would kill himself if she didn’t marry him; not sure what the difference was in before and after, so not sure if she would have if had happened already, but wasn’t too long after they got married that she found out she was pregnant (long enough that couldn’t have happened before) with having quit taking her pills that he thought she was still on since she thought she couldn’t anyway because he didn’t think he could because of the drugs he’d been on so maybe worked out anyway since think that’s a whole lot of what it was all about for her anyway was wanting one, and then wasn’t long till he got in with somebody else – who, interestingly enough, never got pregnant with him the whole time they were together and then almost immediately did as soon as she got with somebody else – and left her but they never got married or a ring either but he got his, she got almost every dime he made and kept him making as much as he could the whole time they were together till he finally got free of her; was so out of it, though, while they were together, that when they went for him to sign the divorce papers he never even realized she’d had them drawn up giving her full custody of their daughter, with visitation rights at her discretion. She’s never known them together. She just turned 10 now.

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    1. Tessa Post author

      It is so hard on the kids. Hard on adults but even harder on the kids. My son the youngest was 12 when we split. The girls were both young adults and so my oldest daughter and I got a place together and my youngest daughter stayed with her dad because he needed someone to be around for our son he was keeping. And she had her baby. So she was promised a home and he up and sold the house which left her to find an apt and she did and she raised her kids mainly without their fathers help.

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