Helpless – prompt by the Daily Post


Helplessness: that dull, sick feeling of not being the one at the reins. When did you last feel like that –- and what did you do about it?


I believe that feeling was almost 3 years ago now. I stupidly tried to commit suicide and found myself committed for 9 days. Your life is no longer your life. You do what they say and when they say to do it. Cooperate and they usually leave you alone for the most part. I was terrified and couldn’t sleep after the first day and that med wore off for sleepiness. I was awake all night waving at the tech who did 15 minute bed checks and really expected anyone to sleep. He yelled at me once because I was sitting on the bed and not lying down. I told him I can’t sleep. He could see that since I waved at him every bed check. They wouldn’t give me what would calm me down and help me sleep. They gave me benadryl with a little boost to hopefully put me to sleep. Laugh, joke, not funny.

I eventually learned to tell them what they wanted to hear so they let me out of the hospital and into a partial hospitalization program for 3 full weeks of daytime therapy. My psych meds didn’t work either and now I take something else.


2 thoughts on “Helpless – prompt by the Daily Post

  1. Bipolarbrainiac

    I heard that if a patient is prescribed psych meds, there is only a 30% chance that they will work. I had terrible results with Depakote, (depression) Femtiza (antidepressant that didn’t work) Abilify (Depression), Geodon (mania and caused Tardive Dyskinesia after a year) but I’ve been 25 years with this and I’ve had good luck too. The good part is when the helplessness is over, it’s over.It’s behind you and you can journal it if you have to refer to it in the future. I haven’t been to the hospital for a while and at our local hospital, the chief of psychiatry is a Cuban Dictator who threw me out of his office when I went for a second opinion. I guess he doesn’t like the meds I’m on. That’s what he said. Well, my meds work for me, and I’d feel truly helpless if I was under his care, that’s for sure!


    1. Tessa Post author

      Here is what I heard. The meds work for 20% of the treatment and the other 80% is up to the patient, Using therapy and such other programs that are available. You can’t just take meds and hope they work. I have been working on my writing and I am starting to feel even a little bit happy and that is a start. 5 months stable and the happy word.



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