Back on day 2 I think it was, I posted the link to my article on “Self-Harm, It’s Not Just Cutting” on the mental health blog IBPF. International Bipolar Foundation.
The reason I am mentioning this again is that my self-harm has increased. I am so agitated that I can’t seem to help myself.
My fingers hurt from chewing on the nails and skin and all the way down to the palms, the scabs are ripped into pretty bad and my head hurts and I am not even touching it at the moment, but I can’t keep my fingers off of them. Good thing I don’t have nails or I would really tear my head apart. As I pull the scabs off my head and down through my hair it yanks my hair out. I am glad that I don’t cut at least. I would be a mess right now.
Last week I was upset and agitated about possibly running out of medication and now I am upset about the hidden memories surfacing during a nightmare. I can’t believe how upsetting they are. I don’t want to remember and I want them to disappear into my head again. I have found though, once they surface, they don’t go anywhere. You have to deal with them.