Mania is a menace to my finances


I just did it again. $100 I don’t have is in jeopardy. I have to get it back. This is a dance I do too many times in my life and now that I am mood swinging again happens every week or so. I have so many emails I can’t find the receipt right now. I have 60 days to get it back. This is all because of some research I was doing. It sounded like a good thing to learn. When will I learn that right after buying something like this I never touch it. I just wasted another $100 I have to try and get back. This is how I maxed all my credit cards that are never going to get paid off on SSDI. That is a pipe dream of the credit card companies. If I didn’t have to see so many drs and I still have more to see, but no money to pay for it. I don’t need anymore emergency type problems either.

My foot is almost better if I am lucky I won’t need a podiatrist soon. But as soon as possible I need a urologist and a ophthalmologist. I probably need a endocrinologist since we can’t even out my diabetes and my thyroid (I think they do thyroids). I also have to go to the pulmonary dr after a cat scan ($150 for a copay just for the scan, not including the dr), plus my asthma and allergies. That is not including everything already under treatment and not getting anywhere.

And gee here I am distracted again. This doesn’t look like a receipt. Sigh……………….!

Tessa

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26 thoughts on “Mania is a menace to my finances

  1. morgueticiaatoms

    Before mood stabilizers, I was forced to get a payee to handle my money because of my manic impulse spending. Two years of having to make an appointment with some strange dude to ask for money to buy maxi pads taught me to fight the impulses cos humiliation was worse.
    Least now when I go “impulsive” it’s usually on a dollar lipstick I don’t need or I spend four bucks on a quarter pounder. Usually. The disorder didn’t go away just because I was humiliated by being treated like a child.
    It did however teach me to keep myself from any position of buying big ticket items when feeling manic. I keep my debit card emptied those times so if I really think I need something…I have to go out and deposit money for it to be charged.
    Geesh, protecting yourself from yourself. Bipolar is the gift that keeps on giving. Good luck.

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    1. Tessa Post author

      Thanks Morgue, I have often thought of turning my money over to my daughter, but she doesn’t live close enough to be the one in charge. She is the most responsible one and the one I need though. My best friend offered to do it too. She is close and also stable enough to keep me from going crazy. I would hate to constantly ask for permission for money. In case you haven’t guessed I am no longer stable. I had a good 8 months at least. I am definitely mood swinging pretty rapidly too.

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      1. morgueticiaatoms

        Which is why you’d only need to ask for that boost of help during unstable periods and if she’s offering…I’d take her up on it, JUST until the tides turn the corner. I mean, eight months of stability for any of us, that’s the holy grail of bipolar treatment. If you’re having a few months bumpy ride here…reach out for that help rather than following the impulses and hating yourself.
        None of us asked for this crap, none of us ever wanted the hypersexuality or the impulsive behaviors with money and such. If you have someone willing to help you…It’d be doing yourself a favor and also, a classy middle finger to the bipolar who undoubtedly things it wins again if you go full on manic.

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        1. Tessa Post author

          I know it is a good idea to have someone to help me during these times, but when I am not stable, my mood changes are fast and furious. And the thought of bugging people when it is an emergency and the friend meant calling her to talk me out of it, but my daughter would have to have full control. They’re urging me to find public housing now while my dad is still here because of waiting lists. None of them have room for me and I have my 28 yr old son here too. Broke as I am. I know they are discussing what to do with me. Maybe they will put me down and out of my misery. Sometimes I feel like the family pet.

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  2. Screaming Jean

    It’s so hard, I really really struggle with spending, not just manic but I find myself buying things to try and ‘cheer myself up’ knowing full well that it won’t do a damn thing. Like Morgue said, protecting yourself from yourself. Damnit.

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    1. Tessa Post author

      I stay out of stores if I can. Once I start buying it is hard to stop. This was online. Just a little harder to get a refund. I am so tired of the buy then return routine. It hasn’t stopped me yet. No control while manic.

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      1. Screaming Jean

        That’s my problem too. I shop online and it’s so easy to just spend away. I gave my credit card to my Mum to look after but some sites use PayPal so that’s easy enough for me unfortunately.

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  3. FLO

    You could always give me a call when you feel the urge to buy something you won’t want five minutes later. I can try to talk you out of it. And the endocrinologist does deal with your thyroid. At least mine does. I also wast money from time to time by buying something that sounds good. It’s hard, I think, for most of us. I’ve gotten to the point where catalogs pretty much all go straight into recycle. I “used” to be convinced some advertised supplement would help me. Still working on one final trial. None ever did, except the probiotic, Culturelle. It’s chewable and eased my digestive and itching problems. Too bad there isn’t some 7 second delay in our minds that stops us from pushing the order button.

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    1. Tessa Post author

      You wouldn’t want me calling at 4 AM to tell you I am about to buy something. Online is so easy. I was doing research for an article and the next thing I know I am buying a product off the website I landed on. They guarantee a refund and I told them I don’t want to wait 60 days and I am not opening the product either. It is digital product.

      I need a money handler LOL!

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  4. FLO

    I guess you DO need a money handler. At least you are not living in a fantasy where you can have everything you want. I do know a woman who feels she should be able to have everything she wants. If someone she knows gets new curtains for the kitchen, she gets some, too. She puts it on a credit card which she cannot pay but can’t see anything wrong with her actions. I have tried asking her what happens when the bill comes but she ignores that reality. I think it’s magical thinking. There are things I would like to have(like a new car!) but I can’t afford to pay for it so I don’t have it. Eventually, I will have to buy one and I will be paying for it for a long time. That reality keeps me from going car shopping. I have to think about what I will give up to have the money I’ll need for car payments. Fortunately, I have a dear husband who is also retired and we can pool our pension and social security. If not for that income I would probably have to move as I don’t think I could pay the taxes. Just had a thought. I must remember when I actually do get a car to buy that insurance that pays off the car if one of us dies. A friend was able to keep her car when her husband died because they had taken out that kind of insurance, never dreaming they’d need it. Alas, they didn’t have that insurance on the home they’d just bought. Life can be so frustrating.

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    1. Tessa Post author

      It’s a bad thing to have to admit having to have a money handler, but if I had one I wouldn’t have so much debt right now. A lot of it is medical and that I can’t do anything about, but a lot of it was my mania spending and not all of it went back or could go back.

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  5. Naomi

    I think your being to hard on yourself. Especially if your spending is an attempt to better your well be, mentally or physically.

    Let’s face it we’re bombarded by consumer buying every waking moment. Don’t fault yourself for trying to desperately wanting a piece of the American pie also.

    I, for one, do things now, that I never did when I had a job & money. Poverty has lead me to play the lottery, which I never played before, in a desperate attempt to easy my financial burden. Sometimes even when I really didn’t have that small amount to do that.

    So maybe instead of beating yourself up about it, think of why & what need your trying to met for yourself. Then try to find a better way to met that need. You can’t blame yourself for mistakes you make, to try for the same desires, wants or dreams, that is forced & flaunted towards you every day. So give yourself more compassion.

    I know for myself, my money troubles wouldn’t be so bad if I was in poverty, due to disability. Sooner or later, denying myself, raises it’s head, weather I can afford it or not.

    Sorry this was so long.

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    1. Tessa Post author

      Well that is part of it. I am disabled, on SSDI which isn’t enough to live on, too much for food stamps or even Medicaid to add to my medicare. My medical expenses are high and my job made me almost double what I get here on SSDI.

      Thanks for your compassion Naomi!

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  6. orbb80

    My heart goes out to ❤ I make categories in my mail to archive receipts into, still end up having to run searches through my email, but I feel that it helps me find stuffs

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    1. Tessa Post author

      Thank you Jonathan. I just got an email back from them and they are processing my return. It should take a few days they said. I put it on my paypal credit and luckily I can keep a check on that to see it return. Thank you for your concern for my health. Managing bipolar is not easy and that 8 months of stabilization was my first time in all these years of suffering (about 55 now). They want to add another medicine too. It has psychiatric proponents and is for Fibro too. The pain is terrible and there is different kinds of fibro pain. Aching, tingling, pricking, burning feeling. Sometimes it feels like broken glass being ground in. I hate when I start whining about it, but unless you have experience it you have no idea how any of this feels. It is rough not being understood.

      Thank you for caring!

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      1. jncthedc

        You are right. It is difficult to truly understand how debilitating fibro is if you’ve never personally experienced it . I am not the only one caring in the blogging world. You are well loved by many. Keep redirecting your attention to the things in life that bring you the most joy. The brain (even when chemically unbalanced) can still be an asset to LIMIT the amount of pain. Focusing on your writing and other positive situations can block pain receptors helping reduce the intensity of the fibro symptoms. Hope this helps.

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        1. Tessa Post author

          Jonathan as always you always seem to know what to say to lift up my spirits. I am so glad for all the people who care about me and make me feel loved. It is a shame I have to get it here rather than from family. I sometimes feel like the family pet. They would like to put me in the corner and say “stay!” They either over do it or under do it. I am not saying my family doesn’t care, they just don’t understand how I feel or really ask me. Oh well I have my WordPress family and yes it helps and so does my writing.

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