The Day After, I Survived.


bibleI went out and bought a new bible that has passages by Joyce Meyer’s in it. I also bought a prayer book. They were Christmas presents. I ordered new devotional books from eBay last week.

The bible I bought online was 2 pieces of thin cardboard, tissue-like paper, small letters and smeared ink. I should have known that for $5.50 and that included shipment I wasn’t getting much. I put it in my donation bag and went over to Barne’s and Noble and bought books I could look at.

I think being able to talk about God with dad is making him happy. He doesn’t want to talk to me when I am manic because I spit words out like blockbusters and skip around and he is very deaf. I am not quite as deaf as him. I finally leave alone when I can see he is getting frustrated when I am manic and trying to talk to him.

Yesterday he tells me I am putting on a little weight and then tells me to have more pie. I don’t let him bother with his comments about my weight or anything else anymore. At first he hurt my feelings a lot, but then I realized that is just how he is. So I suck it up, just like buttercup LOL!

These mood changes are annoying. Right now I am manic, earlier I was depressed. I wanted to buy so much more at the book store. I had to restrain myself and drag myself out the door of the store.

Christmas is over and it went well. I was calm. The trouble-making faction didn’t come.

I have been working on expenses and what I could do to possibly have money each month to put towards rent when the time comes. No weekly brunch around $80 and no cat about $80 too. My medical bills run around $400 to $500 a month, but I don’t know how much of that I can really cut out. I have to pay the credit cards unless I file for bankruptcy again. I don’t really want to do that, but I might not have a choice. No car payment, but I do have auto insurance and repairs. Cut down the food bill and the gas bill for my car.

Tessa

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12 thoughts on “The Day After, I Survived.

  1. morgueticiaatoms

    I know you say your cat is too vocal and needy but if you do move out…Think long and hard about sacrificing it to save money. I did that once and went into a complete downward spiral because I couldn’t even be comforted by purring or motivated by having to care for another living being. Unless you truly have no attachment to pets…They’re very much therapeutic and worth forsaking a month of brunch and whatever else you can live without.
    Before Spook, my cat was the ONLY thing that got me through the black depressions and self harm and suicidal ideation. I knew if I wasn’t there to care for her, my family would turn her over to the pound.
    Pets annoy but they also help you stay afloat.

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    1. Tessa Post author

      Where I end up I may not be able to take her anyhow. Most of the places say if animals are allowed it is only a few per complex. It will totally depend on where I end up. but she is an ornery little thing who is afraid of anybody. Finding her a home may be impossible. anyhow. Do you believe those complexes have applications for animals. I have such a headache today. Only someone as neurotic as me could put up with a neurotic cat and she sure is neurotic. Traumatized and 3 years old when I got her. I still can’t pick her up. I can pet her and she will lay next to me at times. She does purr though. The other problem is the dog. My dad’s. His friend wants him when he passes and he said I don’t know because Terri loves him too. I told him I probably can’t take him and you can see she loves dogs. and he was happy with all the attention he got. He is attached to dad. He will really miss him and I will too, but I have the cat and I am not a dog person.

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  3. Susan

    It’s good to see you starting to plan ahead for yourself rather than let it get to a crisis. Your cat is very therapeutic for you and you can talk to your psych provider about giving you a note that says he/she is a therapy cat, then they can’t discriminate. Check it out with your provider. I was a psych nurse for years so I know what they can and can’t do when an animal is listed as a therapy animal. Good luck. 🙂

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    1. Tessa Post author

      Thanks Susan, that would be good, she doesn’t like other people and finding her a home would be hopeless. I will have to ask. I am enjoying my re-entry into the world of Christ.

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