Manicville 2 – Trigger::: adult picture with chains


slave

My mania symptoms are mounting. I am sliding into hypersexuality. Hell and damnation. I have to head this off at the pass. I won’t go looking for someone for sex, but I have to relieve the feeling. That leaves masturbation, but at this point in my life it is difficult. I could also work on my secret blog of erotica. When I work on that I can throw jerk’s emails away after getting the info off of them.

When I said I was a writer, I meant it. I am not a newspaper journalist though.

I am sure I don’t seem the type to get into this stuff, but bipolar doesn’t care if you are a sweet little old lady (I am old now, not the 40 year old I was when I started the wife-swapping bit 20 years ago).

By the way, meet Pandora. You won’t find pictures of me on there. All found on pixabay.

Either work on the blog or write a new erotic story. One he doesn’t get to see. What a shame.

I could drive him crazy. Unless he broke the connection we are connected still by google docs and I could write something and send it through and torture him. Torturing him sounds like fun.

What to do, what to do, what to do????

I have so much to do and I think I am not being a good little religious girl by doing this. The devil has arrived on scene. Wickedness go away. I am trying to be a woman of God.

Christ save me from this onslaught by the devil. Even if it is the devil in my brain. I need help. I need saving and forgiveness. Don’t let the devil rule my  life anymore. I want him gone. I want this part of my mental health mania gone. I need to rule it, not it rule me.

I started this blog as a talk about themes. What happened?

 

 

 

 

 

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11 thoughts on “Manicville 2 – Trigger::: adult picture with chains

  1. morgueticiaatoms

    As you just posted… you are not out looking for someone to fulfill the manic desire…Which means your hypersexuality is felt, but not acted upon. Maybe it’s uncomfortable to feel but if you have gotten to the point where you can actually skip the “giving in” part…i don’t find it immoral or any of that stuff.
    I’d say you’ve learned to cope with a very real, and very possibly dangerous, symptom of bipolar mania., in a more helpful, less self harming way.
    Kudos to you, lady!

    Liked by 4 people

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    1. Tessa Post author

      Thank you Morgue. It is so hard to fight. I have been lucky. I did not catch anything and no one actually harmed me although I think the last one might have. He wasn’t his emails. He locked us in and called downstairs and told them NOT to bother us and he managed to hurt my arm. Just then my husband called, we kept in touch for safety reasons and told me to get home NOW. I didn’t know why he was flipping out, but I think it saved me from more pain or possible death. It is dangerous. I will say that. I won’t even guess at the number of men that I had during this periods.
      Glad you don’t judge me. I am trying to change myself.

      Liked by 3 people

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  2. Jess Melancholia

    I am completely understanding of your situation. I’m in it as well. Hypersexuality is a very tough situation. Obviously I suck at it right now but Andrew says to stop the self hate so I will. You’re not going to feel better suppressing it since it makes it stronger. Just accept it and use what you’ve learned to reroute the energy. That’s the best I can do. Maybe between the both of us we will conquer this demon. Stay strong my friend.

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
    1. Tessa Post author

      Thank you for the comfort Jess. My way at the moment is to submerge myself into writing erotica and let my mind wander over it. It is a help, takes some of the edge off and they can do whatever I want them to. I am the ultimate master of my fantasy world. At least I don’t suffer the self-hate, but I don’t have a husband anymore. 16 years without, but I had a married boyfriend who after 18 years broke it off rather rudely by email. He was happy for the hypersexuality.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply
  3. Geetha B

    Sorry to hear about your woes and glad you are finding safer ways of coping with your energy fluctuations. Perhaps meditation could help you stabilise the energy flow. Keep soothed and balanced

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  4. Bipolarbrainiac

    you just reminded me of the bisexual hiv pos guy I dated and how he dragged us to high end swing clubs to get me in a compromising position in order to justify his being with other men.

    He had hep C….and he’d never been an IV drug user. And I believed him when he claimed he was heterosexual. He was using me for a nice place to live on the beach and money.

    When it was all said and done, he was in jail a second time for beating me up and I was on prophylactic (antiretrovirals) hiv meds so the virus would not get into my cells. 30 days later I had the tests and was negative. Condoms rip apart and break! I hadn’t counted on that. Thank god the medicine worked.

    Talk about close calls. Dont’ be too hard on yourself. I think all of us bipolar writers are more manic, now that I look at it closely.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Tessa Post author

      Oh what a terrible situation. I am glad you were alright and the medication worked. I know I am more creative during my manic phases. Last night I was up trying to clean up some of the mess, part of my hoard. It will take a long time, but I couldn’t sleep.

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