Monthly Archives: March 2016

Bipolar 1, with psychosis, part of my new diagnosis.


Missed everyone. Spent 6 days in-patient and am now on day 3 of partial hospitalization which is 5 days per week and 5 hours per day. They yanked me off of Cymbalta 60 mg, no weaning. Claim Effexor XR 75 mg is same class so no weaning needed. I have been in terrible pain and can’t stay awake. Boy that is fun.

Don’t know how long I will be in this program. Medicare doesn’t want me in there long since I have the HMO advantage plan from AmeriHealth65HMO. So revaluation on April 1st, than the decision made before April 4th. I don’t’ know if they will do Intensive IOP (intensive Outpatient) or back to private therapy.

Hope to return soon.

Tessa

 

Mania, BPD, Delusions of Grandeur…


I have been suffering from delusions of grandeur, the bipolar and the BPD. I also suffer from delusions of the auditory and visual sort. Haven’t even felt like touching the computer much.

I have this idea that I must be better that the average bear.

I wrote a letter to my ex-husband and children. They are all fully grown.  I shot from the hip trying to get him off my chest. Not smart. He thinks I need to be hospitalized and my father agrees for different ideas. He just wants me well.

I might consent to go because I can’t stand the way I am feeling. My medication is not working right.

Physical pain increased.

I will try to give you a heads up if I go.

I have 3 children who care. I am sorry for that K1. I was rude, insensitive and very sorry. I love all 3 of you.

Continue reading

Pretty Shade of Purple – whoosh down the steps I fell.


Well I hurt all over. I was barefoot as always. Smacked my arms, hips and bottom all the way to the bottom of the stairs. I immediately had this:

IMG_0273 (2)I woke the dog and dad. I needed help up. I don’t think anything is broken, but I am one ball of pain including my neck due to my sudden stop at the bottom. Good thing I am short. May have to have it checked out tomorrow. I want to cry. I have a bump under that bruise. No more computer. I am awaked, but it hurts to type. Wish me luck.

Daily Gratitude March 10, 2016


Dear Lord, I want to thank you for making me listen to the doctor about my diet. It is hard to do all at once. I crave a soda and sugar and every time I pass my old haunts I want to stop. At home is the good stuff.

Tessa

PS Has anyone heard of a smoothie, pre-made, and containing Aloe Vera. He wants me to take that one to help heal my insides, but couldn’t find it. Thanks!

Bipolar, Fibromyalgia and my progress, also therapy progress. Gratitude List.


I have said before that there is a link between my bipolar and fibromyalgia. If I am manic, my fibromyalgia is very painful. I just found this out recently.  Also the fact they made me stop my anti-inflammatory so I could take an anti-biotic had ALL my joints singing a horrible tune. I could hardly move. I thought I was going to have to call son or dad to get me out of bed. Terrible experience. Thank God I am back to normal, well normal for me.

Had therapy the other day. She says I am making huge progress. I wrote a letter to my ex-husband, and 3 children. I didn’t sugarcoat, but I didn’t go off on a nasty tangent like I wanted to. I know God wouldn’t like that. Vengeance is mine sayeth the Lord. I give my ex credit he didn’t go off on me. He didn’t call me. He called the children who verified I was not going crazy and needed hospitalization, but just getting it off my chest. I also told them all about the baby I lost a long time ago and was still grieving. Nobody has talked to me except my son. Not sure if that is good or bad. My therapist thought the letter was well written and my homework this week is to color. I like to color, but can’t focus very long. She wants to see color. So I just bought crayons and pencils, not sure which medium I prefer and I have 3 coloring books, all different. Plus I write a journal the kind with all my feelings and that takes time, but she reads that during the week and has our topics ready and her questions are ready. Working well and I don’t mind her reading my deepest thoughts. That is how to heal. I can’t print all of them in this blog though you guys know most of what I say to her. I finally healed the scabs. Now I pick terribly at my skin on my hands, yank my ears, twist my hair and bite myself. Plenty more to go.

Tomorrow I go for my med management session with my APN nurse. I have to mention an article I read about study that shows sedatives like Klonopin, Xanax and so on have an increased chance of suicides and cancer rates and they are quite high. Going to try and remember to ask about this tomorrow. Been taking them for years on a steady basis and I now have a cyst in my breast. They don’t know if it is benign or not.