Feel like giving up!


Almost 60 years dealing with bipolar. Most of which has been depression now that I take a mood stabilizer. I am tired of it. This current medicine started out fast and strong at the lowest dose. When the time came to up it (double it) I felt the depression crashing on down again. I either spend time in bed or binging on Netflix so I don’t have to deal with my life.

Wednesday I see my psychiatric nurse again and discuss this medicine. Started to work then quit at the doubled dose. Being medicine resistant is no fun. I am at the life sucks part again although it is more serious then before I started this medicine. 3 weeks on the higher dose and it got worse not better. Wonder if we should try the lower dose again or write it off. At least she hasn’t written me off.

Just to add to the fun, my fibromyalgia is kicking up big time and my chiropractic adjustment today made it worse.

Tessa

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20 thoughts on “Feel like giving up!

  1. suesuzzz

    Wow…My heart goes out to you..I battle depression and a bunch of health problems and also have trouble with medications not working on me so I can relate and I want you to know that you are not alone and please do not give up..I know I have days with pain and illnesses that I have to stay in bed and then I start to get depressed thinking of all the things I need to get done ..Just know it is ok…I hope that the Dr can help figure out why on a higher dose that it didn’t work as good and that you feel worse..That sucks too..
    Yes be happy and thankful that the Dr hasn’t wrote you off..mine just did I got a letter in the mail for the love of god lol I seen her on the 8th and she could not tell me to my face??WTF and of course no reason in the letter at all either…Our health system really has gone down hill for sure…
    OMG I hate fibro hate it with a passion!!!
    I have a question for you..does the chiropractor usually help you for that and pain?? I used to see one like over 10 years ago..would love to hear back from you and what else you do for fibro and that pain…Please again hang in there the best that you can and if you need to talk I am here..
    Soft hugggs
    Suzette

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    1. Tessa Post author

      Dear Suzette, thank you for your kind words and understanding. I am sorry your doctor wrote you off. Mine seems caring, but you never know for real what she thinks.

      I went to the chiropractor today with medium pain. He made it worse. He kept doing this and that and I wanted to scream. I did yell at him that he was hurting me more and he says I know. He believes he is helping. Honestly I am not sure. On top of the Fibromyalgia I have Degenerative Disc Disease probably over half my spine by now or more. I also have osteo-arthritis throughout my body. Add that to the mental anguish and I have had it. 60 years of mental pain and 40 years of chronic pain.

      Thanks for the hugs. Soft hugs to you.

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  2. avaswan

    Tessa, I would go back to the lower dose and give that a try. I’m sorry things are miserable on every front. I’m dealing with the same issues right now too. We can keep hanging in there together, I know it gets old hurting bad and being depressed. But you know we are strong and stubborn or we wouldn’t have made it this far. Sending you hugs!!!

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  3. toni1964blog

    I am so sorry you are going through this. I was recommended to take a mood stabilizer for anxiety, but decided not to take it. Seems like we are all suffering from something these days. Prayers and hugs floating your way….

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    1. Tessa Post author

      Thank you, I take anxiety meds, mood stabilizer and anti-depressant. Just can’t find the right combo. We found it once, but it only lasted 8 months.

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  4. Jess Melancholia

    Hoping that things will look better for you. I’m sure after 60 years of this you just want it solved and over with. Don’t give up. You were stable for a while not too long ago and the fibro was low for a bit as well. Sending you love and hugs Tessa. XOXO

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    1. Tessa Post author

      Thank you Jess. Yes I was stable for 8 months out of 60 years. Not much and there are times I can’t stand it anymore. I was in the hospital in March do not want to go again. The first time I tried to commit suicide and the 2nd time I was flipping out (psychosis) and wanting to commit suicide. 60 years is a long time to be tormented. Thanks for the love and hugs and many in return.

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  5. hbhatnagar

    I hope you feel better soon. Meds are not simple things, neither is the brain; sometimes odd reactions happen in the chemical soup in our head that no one could have predicted and drugs act in the opposite way of how they should have…take care Tessa.

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