Here is where I am in life – Tessa


First off I am still going off grid with occasional updates. That sentence took me a long time to make sense. I have mental/cognitive impairment. What I want to say or do doesn’t always happen.

My blood sugar is still between 170 and 250 fasting. I am sure it isn’t helping how I feel. My dr put me on a low dose of Januvia and nothing changed. That is along with my glipizide. I can’t take metformin. The diarrhea was terrible. I still eat what ever I want and we all that is sweets or high carbs/pasta/bread.

That is what I need to concentrate on physically.

Mentally my bipolar and borderline personality disorder is running rampant. I am not myself. I say things that shock my son to other people. I argue with them. I never did that before. I was always the perkiest,  sweetest person to others even if I had to fake it. I didn’t think I had to be mean to others, I have lost control. Again the mental impairment is out of my control.

Sleep in 5 minute increments or maybe not at all.

I see things, hear things and now feel things touching me. Seriously my family is ready to take me back to the hospital.

When I wake up I have no idea where I am. I am scared at first especially if seeing, hearing and feeling things. My balance is off and I usually fall off the bed and into my bureau. Then trip over the chair as I veer the other way. I lose my balance and fall off curbs and steps. Falling all the way down the steps really scared me. Luckily no broken bones. I now have to sleep down stairs. They keep me off them as much as they can.

I might peek in and let you know how things are going. If I come out of the depression I will feel more like writing. I might occasionally send in a devotional just to keep in practice.

Teresa (Tessa) Dean Smeigh

-Advocate for Mental and Invisible Illnesses

-Author of Articles, Stories and Poems

6 thoughts on “Here is where I am in life – Tessa

  1. FLO

    I also have trouble at times with lots of the same things that bother you. I really need to focus on where my body is in space because sometimes I find myself leaning too far to one side or the other and unless there’s something solid to grab onto, I will just keep right on going, in slow motion all the way down. Because the bed is so high off the floor I got a stepstool with an attached piece that serves as a support and that helps me in and especially out. It’s frustrating when my mind won’t let me say the word I’m picturing(think strawberry, say vanilla). Gradually, my mind and body are recovering. I’m hoping yours will, too. I wish I had the answers that would fix everything right this minute, but I don’t. The answer is out there, somewhere. Hope you find it, soon.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Tessa Post author

      Thank you Flo. My dad is doing faith healing on my brain. Today there is improvement. I was talking his ear off at a fast rate. One of bipolar annoying traits. My son has learned to make sure I get down the curb without falling.



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