Sometimes I wish I could just vanish…

As those of you who might have been reading the few posts I have posted lately know, I am in bad shape physically and mentally. This has been exceptionally worse the last few months.

I have been fighting my Diabetes and currently it won. I am now insulin dependent and still high. I am fighting it tooth and nail. And truth is that the prick of the blood testing is worse than the prick of the insulin pen needle. That being said I still have to prick myself 8 times a day if I follow the schedule (and I don’t always). I am nowhere under control even with the insulin.

My current antidepressant is finally working. I am out of the deep depression and I sleep (a lot still) without sleep medicine. I worked on my room this weekend. What a change and it hit me, I am not depressed. It is funny feeling when the realization takes over.

The biggest problem is physical. I have been sick for about 4 weeks straight. I have been to the ER to be rehydrated after a severe stomach condition (still have it a little bit and so will be seeing a gastroenterologist Tuesday). The food I have been  eating causes pain and other stomach issues. I have gone through bronchitis twice, gone away and then came back.

I could barely get out of bed because of one thing or another.

Right now I am not as bad. Maybe I will hang around longer this time.

Miss you all!

Teresa (Tessa) Dean Smeigh

-Advocate for Mental and Invisible Illnesses

-Author of Articles, Stories and Poems


11 thoughts on “Sometimes I wish I could just vanish…

  1. FLO

    Time is a strange thing. Sometimes, we are astonished to see how swiftly it has passed and then, sometimes we are frustrated at how slow it moves. Still, it does go by and I’m truly hoping you are getting a little better every day. I’m hoping your pains go away and your blood sugar stabilizes into the normal range. Hang in there! Maybe the endo guy will have the answer to your stomach pain. At least one of your med changes seems to have worked!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. FLO

    There has to be a way for you to NOT take something when you shouldn’t. Put it somewhere where you have a note saying when you took it? Like some folks with dishwashers have a tag that tells them whether the dishes are washed or not. I know it’s frustrating to have so many meds to take, so many changes in your life. Hang in there. This, too, shall pass.

    Liked by 1 person


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