No point in asking…

Why me? There is no point in asking as there is no answer forthcoming. If you believe in re-incarnation you could say I am paying for one hell of a sin.

The only thing I know is that I can barely stand it anymore. The pain pills are not helping or my pain is worse than I thought.

I am using a cane now to walk and need support to pull myself up and down stairs. I can’t do it on my own. Getting out of bed is pure excruciating pain and almost impossible for me to do now.  I thought I knew what a 10 in the pain score meant before, but that is now a 15. Worse than childbirth at times and my 3 children were born naturally no pain relief. I have lived with chronic pain for over 40 years yet it is still possible to find pain that is worse than that.

Last time I went through this I didn’t think it could get worse, but it can. Oh it certainly can. I have heard good and bad things about surgery if they go that route. I could become totally immobile. Heck I almost am now. Not sure I like them messing with my spine. I won’t even let the chiropractor touch it anymore.

My Fibromyalgia is joining in on the fun. I am in full flare, pins and needles from that. numbness and pins and needles throughout my entire body from pinched nerves and Fibro. Arthritis running amuck. Some people have mild arthritis, but don’t know just how bad it can get. And it could be rheumatoid arthritis and worse so I shouldn’t complain too much I suppose. I would gather that is worse. Mine is inflamed and wrapped around my spine and squeezing.

They call it degenerative for a reason. It will not get better. It will continue to get worse. Talk about a life sentence.

My anxiety is super high even with meds. My bipolar is actually fairly stable at the moment so I am not dealing with my mental health being out of control. Thank God for small favors at least.

Teresa (Tessa) Dean Smeigh

-Advocate for Mental and Invisible Illnesses

-Author of Articles, Stories and Poems (moving posts to other blog and will be deleting this one).

16 thoughts on “No point in asking…

  1. suesuzzz

    I am so sorry hun for all your pain that you are in…day n and night…
    I feel like that as well about what sin did I do to have this much pain…
    I can relate to not knowing how far up the pain chart one can go in being in so much pain…sometimes I want to shove that chart up these so called dr azzes …
    it scares me to be getting older and how the health care is going with pain meds…how to live each day…
    wished I lived closer …I know I couldn’t help with the pain but just talking sometimes face to face for a cup of coffeeeeee… while in pj’s lololol

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Tessa Post author

      The new laws take away the pain meds for the ones that truly need them and those that are selling them will find ways around it. They always do. The black market still exists. Laws don’t bother them.

      I still have to wait until Tuesday just to get her (the pain dr’s) opinion and if possible something stronger for the pain. I have lived with some sort of pain all of my life and the older I get the worse it gets. I am not fighting the negativity very well. I don’t know if the exercise I did just before this outburst of pain was the cause or not. I had to force myself through the pain to exercise and 6 weeks later I can barely move. My drs insisted on exercise and my son asked me if I wanted to be in a wheelchair and if not I needed to exercise. It would be just great if that is what caused the sudden flareup although it might not have. Will never know. All I know is that I can barely stand it anymore. How can we have a life like this??? I spent the first 60 years of my life in mental and physical pain and now I am going towards the next 20 or so without a lot of hope things will change for the better. Positivity where are you?


  2. kindredspirit23

    I know it may sound a bit trite, but please think about purchasing Pam Grout’s “E2” and/or “E3”. They are wonderful books centered on the Law of Attraction which I believe comes from God.
    It has changed my life and can, I know for certain, change yours. God is Great…we just need to let Him work.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Tessa Post author

      I have numerous books, by numerous authors on this subject and I listen to youtube videos, especially by Dr. Wayne Dyer. I have found them to work at times, but this is not one of them. I can’t concentrate on anything, but my pain. Thank you for your suggestions, Scott!

      And I know that the more I concentrate on this pain, the more pain I draw to me. It is just too much for me to handle right now.

      Liked by 1 person


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