Am I Psychotic (I have Bipolar Disorder 1) or Do You Believe in Ghosts and Things That Go Bump in the Night?


As I have mentioned occasionally I grew up in a household that believed in ghost, demons and things that go bump in the night. I still do.

However the last time I was admitted to the mental hospital they decided that I have Psychosis along with my Bipolar Disorder 1. They didn’t believe I was really seeing these things. The dancing mahjongg tiles yeah sure, psychotic. But I have seen things equivalent to a Stephen King movie. I wasn’t sleeping. I see, hear and feel things that aren’t supposedly there.

Right after our cat died I swore she came up and curled up on my legs to sleep just like she used to. In my house that was normal. Lots of people think I am crazy. I am sure I will never know for sure if this stuff is real or part of my mental health disorders. Of course that would mean my whole family is mentally ill because I wasn’t the only one affected.

We moved from one house because we had a ghost/poltergeist that wouldn’t stop touching my mom. She was terrified. In the same house I saw things in my room, would not go down in the cellar after the first trip down and had a full size doll whose eyes followed you around.

I also saw a boy in the mirror of another house. I was looking in that mirror and it sure as hell wasn’t me. I almost broke my neck running down the stairs away from it. i never looked in there again. I closed my eyes and felt for the step rail and pulled myself around so I looked away before opening my eyes. I had to shut my bedroom door due to the activity in the hallway at night. This same house had a spot in the kitchen that the animals would not cross over at certain times. Their hair stood straight up. SOMETHING was there.

We weren’t allowed to have a Quija board due to things happening with it. My parents forbade us from seeing the “Exorcist” as they were afraid we would draw the demons in similar to the Quija Board.

Now we get to last night. As an adult in this house I have seen, heard and felt things. It has been a couple of years since I saw or heard something. A man calls my name loudly, I yell what because I don’t want to see. Nothing is there, but he calls me over and over. Once it was female and I wondered if it was my deceased mom.

People have told me that God will call people when he wants their attention, although there is no actual conversation.

Last night my father told me to look up magic and the spiritual realm on youtube. He was telling me how some of those magicians claimed to be hooked up with the darkside and all their programs/signs were covered with demons. Well I started to watch it and soon I had had enough of it. I was seeing things that couldn’t be explained.

Well while trying to sleep a male voice kept calling my name over and over and waking me up. I told my dad about it and he told me not to watch it again. He was sorry he mentioned it because some people are very susceptible to things like that and considering my childhood and my adulthood as well he had a point. I had wicked dreams and I was actually dreaming of falling and hurting myself and I was feeling the pain. I could barely pull myself out of bed this afternoon. The last thing I need whether psychosis or real ghosts and demons is to bring them back into my life.

I have believed in the other side all my life even as a young child and now the possibility could be psychosis is the answer, but maybe it isn’t. What do you think?

Teresa (Tessa) Dean Smeigh

-Advocate for Mental and Invisible Illnesses

-Author of Articles, Stories and Poems

http://www.tessacandoit.com

http://www.finallyawriter.wordpress.com (no longer canceling this blog, just not adding new work to it, sign up for http://www.tessacandoit.com for the new posts).

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4 thoughts on “Am I Psychotic (I have Bipolar Disorder 1) or Do You Believe in Ghosts and Things That Go Bump in the Night?

  1. manyofus1980

    not sure what to tell you tessa it is hard to know. it sounds like you had a lot of spiritual experiences and experiences of seeing ghosts. can you watch shows on tv about ghosts? like most haunted, or stuff like that? or is hat too hard?

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    1. Tessa Post author

      I do on occasion watch those type of shows. Though for me it feels like what I experienced and not something made up to entertain people. My life has been full of spiritual experiences although some try to tell me I am just psychotic. Sometimes I wonder myself. But it was so real and still is.

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

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