Due to my physical and mental issues I have to cut my visiting the rehab center down to maybe once a week. At the blink of an eye I am crying. I am tired of people seeing me crying and having loss of my emotions so that I have to constantly contact my therapist to calm me down. My dad is fading away. He doesn’t want to live. He is done with this life and ready to go to heaven to be with his beloved wife. How do you have a conversation with someone who can’t remember his life or much of yours? My dad was a football (USA) freak and if his favorite team wasn’t playing he would watch another game with just as much enthusiasm. Now he refers to the Philadelphia Eagles as those green guys throwing a ball around and why were people clapping? His joy of football is gone. He was avid with politics and they were always on and he was up on everything, Now he isn’t even sure what country he is in and spends a lot of time in WW2 or his childhood.
Now we come to the busybodies. My sister and I are having to make emotional decisions as to our dad’s care. If you ever had to make those decisions for a loved one you know it is not easy and it hurts to have to decide where your loved one will live. Is he going to be safe? Well taken care of? And the ton of paperwork and the government comes in and in one fell swoop everything he worked for all his life is gone. We are not rich. He can’t afford home care for 24/7. So we must liquidate the man’s belongings and apply to the government (Medicaid in the USA) to pay for his upkeep and care. He kept my mom at home and was her sole caregiver. It was hard on him, but he didn’t complain, but we don’t have the same option now. She had Parkinson’s Disease and Dementia and by the time she needed full time care he had retired early and was there. He didn’t want our help, it was his wife and his responsibility according to his wedding vows. My sister did try to get them to go to assisted living where he could go with her, but they would take care of her. They refused. My mom wanted to go to a nursing home now called Long Term Care, but when we explained it she chose to stay home with dad. This is not the same situation. He can’t be left alone. He knows he is not supposed to get out of the chair or the bed, but tries often. He needs constant care which we can’t give him. We are doing the best that we can. When he’s lucid he understands and is fine with long term care and then he’ll flip the other way and it’s all about when he’s going home. Neither conversation is pleasant.
Those of you who have never been through something like this keep your comments to yourself. We feel guilty enough even though we are doing every thing we can for the man who raised us.
The pain and popping in my spine is getting worse. I can barely move and I have to wait until October 2 before I get the 6 facet joint injections in my spine and due to new laws my weight won’t allow me to have sedation. I had just one in my knee and screamed bloody murder so can only imagine 6 of them at once. All I can have is local anesthesia. It doesn’t do much. And the stress is allowing my Fibromyalgia to flare up as well and for 5 days before the injections I can’t have my NSAID arthritis medicine so don’t know how this is going to work. I am terrified of just going off my arthritis medicine. I can still take the percosets which help, but not much. I need the combination, but NSAIDS are blood thinners and not allowed 5 days before.
Advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses, also a devout Christian