As those following me know that my dad had a stroke on July 19th of this year. At first it didn’t seem so bad. There was hope that all the rehab (3 facility changes) would help and maybe he could go home. MAYBE!
It was still iffy, but then the decline started. Brain cells were still dying and confusion was setting in. Now we are seeing signs of Dementia. My mom and her mom had it for years. An episode is scary and draining. Then they come out of it for a while and you begin to hope again.
We have had to face reality. He will need 24/7 care and he can’t afford it and that is just one person and there are times during his confusion that he needs 2 or more people. We can’t predict when that will happen either. He is facing heart attack possibilities and another stroke is more than likely. My sister and I have done a lot of talking and crying, but finally had to make the decision that he will be going to long term care (another name for nursing home) when they deem him no longer progressing or Medicare runs out, one or the other. He will stay in this facility just move to the long term unit as soon as a bed opens up.
At times he forgets this is going to happen and thinks he is going home and we have another heart-breaking conversation about it the fact that he isn’t going home and he won’t be driving again either. He has left side neglect. His world is very small and causes alot of fear on his part as he thinks everything is gone and he is going to be put out in only the clothes (usually wet) on his back. He called my sister in the middle of the night scared and saying they took everything away. She was up all night in fear and crying and didn’t know whether trying to go to the center would help or not. No number for the nurses station either. This is all heartbreaking. Obviously the man can’t go home. He can’t be alone. He has been trying to practice walking so he can go home and he is falling.
So here come the busy-bodies who have to upset us more as they heap the guilt on us. How terrible we are to do this to him. It is up to us to keep him safe and this is the only way it can be done. He doesn’t have the money to hire all these people. We are struggling trying to figure out his financial standing and how much we have to pay for this place in cash and hope that medicaid kicks in in time to start paying for it before he runs out of money. We have to liquidate everything he owns. He had a list of who he wanted to have of his belongings. That is null and void. Everything must go and they will go over the last 5 years of his finances. He doesn’t have much.
Back to the busy-bodies. They thought he was well off and that we are just trying to take his money. He had a reverse mortgage on his home, well he still does as we haven’t gotten to that part yet and a small nest egg that allowed him a frugal living, but he was happy. He was very frugal, but there were times he spent a bit of money on something he wanted or for my mom before she passed 5 years ago today. Damn just remembered the date. Here come the tears again.
I am tired of telling people to mind their own damn business.
Advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses, also a devout Christian