Monthly Archives: November 2018

The Scammers Weren’t Lucky-God Will Provide


For one thing they caught me at the end of the month and so there was very little left in account and two I had considerably more than that in my secret hiding place that I keep for emergencies. Yes I miss it, but it would have been gone if my car broke down and I didn’t have enough here to cover it in my emergency stash.

My son was happy to see me taking it positively for a change and not moaning or groaning and beating myself up. Like I said the same thing would have happened if I had an emergency. Those people will get their payback as what goes around comes around.

I believe what I need will be provided by God if it comes to that. I am living on very little and even saving some so in a few months at the most I will have regained it back barring a real emergency.

Physically I am still suffering. The radio wave frequency procedure did not work. I am still in a lot of pain, plus for months now my spine has been moving and I am terrified that eventually I will need surgery. When it moves it sometimes cracks real loud and it also makes me feel paralyzed for several minutes. I worry that one day it is going to not go back in place and I will stay paralyzed for real. Still trying to get a hold of the dr. I have been speaking to underlings who can’t do much, but this last one is going to try and get my refill for narcotics prescription appointment changed to a regular one so I can talk to the dr, but even that is Wednesday. My appointment for a checkup for the procedure is the 19th. Going to the Emergency Room at this moment won’t help. There is nothing they can do unless it really does paralyze me.

40 years of adult chronic pain and all the pain I had as a child. It is time DEAR GOD for some relief, please, I pray to you.

If I become unable to take care of myself what does it leave but a nursing home for me. My kids can’t take me in. One could try, but he is planning on leaving the state and going down south. The other two have no room for me. I am sure they would do their best for me, but it is scary. And I don’t want to be any more of a burden than I already am.

I just gathered the trash and recycles and my rent check (plus I picked up my mail) and took it downstairs. Of course that has totally aggravated my back. I just took a pain pill not that they feel like they are working.

I have had to take a longer break from visiting dad since my sister is home. Getting in and out of the car hurts and is becoming harder and then there is a very long walk to the facility from the parking lot and then to his room. I was going once a week. Half the time he is blaming me for making the decision with my sister to put him in the long term care center once his rehab is done. He wants to go home and at times he is lucid and knows he isn’t making him mad at us although the other day he did make a statement to us that he thanks us for taking care of him. My brother has no real interest to help and isn’t around here anyhow. He lives down south and is broke so it is up to my sister and I to make sure he is taken care of. Which we gladly do as he is our father and we love him and he took care of us. Although when he is screaming at you for not letting him go home and drive his car it is hard not to explode. My sister told me if he does that just tell him you have to leave. He won’t remember it anyway. It is hard to see such a strong, proud man withering away.

Tessa

Advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses, also a devout Christian

Author – http://www.finallyawriter.com (this blog contains my old work mostly although occasionally I do add something new here), new work is mainly on this blog http://www.tessacandoit.com

Advertisements

Stupid Damn Scammers and Stupid Me


I fell for a phone scam today. They spoofed the Social Security Number and so it came up that way on my phone since I have them in the phone. The number actually was SSA. They told me that my social security number was frozen due to suspicious activity. (And I just had to have my medicare card, the new one, reissued because it was frozen by SSA due to my address and then reissued). All this led me to believe that it really was SSA and they told me I was in deep trouble and needed a criminal lawyer. All my accounts were to be frozen that used my social security number etc.

Although they didn’t get my info, they did get the little bit of money left in my account, well almost all of it. There wasn’t alot and that is one of the good things about being poor. If I didn’t  have Social Security’s number saved in my phone this wouldn’t have happened. I was probably targeted and they assumed I would have the number saved.

Pretty soon I won’t answer the phone even if it says it is my children. This spoofing is prevalent and they can spoof it to be someone you know.

I learned a lesson today and it could have been a lot worse.

Tessa

Advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses, also a devout Christian

Author – http://www.finallyawriter.com (this blog contains my old work mostly although occasionally I do add something new here), new work is mainly on this blog http://www.tessacandoit.com

Shuffleboard – a Shadorma poem


Shuffleboard

by Tessa Smeigh November 2018

shuffleboard

aim for the right side

then aim left,

off the right

possible point, get knocked off

no control at all

Tessa

Advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses, also a devout Christian

Author – http://www.finallyawriter.com (this blog contains my old work mostly although occasionally I do add something new here), new work is mainly on this blog http://www.tessacandoit.com

Depression in Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome


Depression in Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome

Tessa

Advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses, also a devout Christian

Author – http://www.finallyawriter.com (this blog contains my old work mostly although occasionally I do add something new here), new work is mainly on this blog http://www.tessacandoit.com

The stroke is progressing and not in a good way


My dad is very confused and it is just continually getting worse. He insists they load them in trucks and take him to his house and the house is all lit up. He doesn’t understand why he can’t have his car out in the parking lot. He doesn’t understand why he can’t drive and that he won’t be driving ever again. He insisted today that he has a landlord. This was bad enough watching my mom go through this and she came up with some real good ones too.

I hope I go in my sleep. He has no idea what he is doing at this point and I thank God for that. Since dementia runs in my family there is a good chance that I will go through it. I would like to apologize in advance to my children. I won’t remember it which is the only good part.

My back is killing me. I overdid it the other day and then again today. They are supposed to deaden the nerves on the 21st. I hope it works.

Tessa

Advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses, also a devout Christian

Author – http://www.finallyawriter.com (this blog contains my old work mostly although occasionally I do add something new here), new work is mainly on this blog http://www.tessacandoit.com

Psychotherapy – a poem


Psychotherapy by Tessa Smeigh November 2018

am I crazy?

psychotherapy!

depression,

mania,

comes and goes just like clock work

I know what is next

Tessa

Advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses, also a devout Christian

Author – http://www.finallyawriter.com (this blog contains my old work mostly although occasionally I do add something new here), new work is mainly on this blog http://www.tessacandoit.com