Nightmares – 2015 originally


Every night or nap I have terrible nightmares. Sometimes really evil feeling ones that scare the hell out of me and wake me up and I am afraid to open the door because I might not find that life exists outside that door. There are regular ones and ones that are even happy.

Now I have had bad dreams all my life, but they seem worse now and I wonder if it has to do with all the medications I take. Psychological drugs and pain medications do tend to bring on different types of dreams I understand.

However the ones the ones that bother me most I hesitate to mention. They are horrible, sometimes violent dreams where he, my ex-husband, becomes a real monster of a person. Is my self conscious playing with my feelings and turning them into these horrible nightmares that I have at least one of these a day???? Sometime I can’t tell even if it is real until I wake up. If he reads this or my kids I don’t want to hurt their feelings, but it is affecting me strongly. My therapist has no real idea other than that I am working things out in my head. My marriage was over 20 years ago, ENOUGH ALREADY!

Tessa

19 thoughts on “Nightmares – 2015 originally

  1. FLO

    Tessa, maybe it would help if you told your therapist about one of those dreams. Maybe he/she could help you understand what’s going on and possibly figure out how to deal with it. I’d so love for you to be able to sleep without fear.

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    1. Tessa Post author

      It’s terrible and I wake up in a panic at times. It has been so bad that I am afraid to open the door to my room because I am sure there will be nothing beyond the door. I turn on all the lights, the tv, the computer or get a book and try to come out of the panic. I take anxiety meds on a continuous basis and so can’t take more or at least I am not supposed to. I have self-medicated on occasions.

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    1. Tessa Post author

      I wish I didn’t have so much to work on. We usually end up working on the problem of the day. They are definitely getting worse.

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    1. Tessa Post author

      I don’t think mine asked me that, but sometimes I feel like they ask some stupid questions. I’ve argued with mine. Quite loudly too. I was upset.

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  2. donnainthesouth

    I’m just glad his office is in the back of the building so if that does happen at least the kids we take with us hopefully wouldn’t be able to hear; oh, and he did ask what she does with them when she gets like that

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  3. jannatwrites

    That would be terrifying. I hope your therapist is able to help find some sort of cause or resolution, or maybe can refer you to someone who can help. Sleep is kind of important 🙂

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    1. Tessa Post author

      I have a sleep apnea machine. Doesn’t do much good if you can’t get to sleep and stay there. I have been this way all my life. Partly due to the Bipolar Disorder, but never had a full nights sleep really.

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  4. morgueticiaatoms

    I have battled infrequent ‘sleep paralysis’; dreams where I know I am in no danger even though I can’t move or make myself wake but the terror is there.
    Lately it’s these confusing ‘real or Memorex’ dreams where I can’t honestly always tell if something happened or if I dreamt it happened while I was sleeping. It’s pretty scary.
    I will do a sweet dream dance to the sacred pegacorn so maybe we can more restful, less horror filled sleep. ❤

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    1. Tessa Post author

      Not knowing if it is for real or not is really scary. Part of my mind would say that isn’t how my room is really so this can’t be real, but I can’t wake up and out of the terror. They haven’t been quite as bad since I moved to this apartment although other residents oft times make sounds that scare me awake and I try to decide if it is in my place or one of the others surrounding me.

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