Fibro Pain/Lidocaine vs Bipolar Disorder – 2015

I can’t begin to figure out which is worse. Mental vs Physical pain.

For my Fibro I get Lidocaine injections in the trigger points and I had to start using Lidocaine patches because I just can’t stand this pain any longer. I get some relief, but I use the patches more often than recommended. I am self-medicating again. I can’t sit, lie down or walk without severe pain. This of course adds to my depression because who wants to live like this forever. There is no cure. There are some things that might at times give you a break, but for the most part I am always in pain.

Yesterday my mood was pretty good, but just as quickly I am back to somewhat depressed. I was in a mixed state yesterday I think and I have bounced back the other way.

I am angry. I want to take it out on someone. Maybe breaking things would make me feel better. I only broke things one time and I have to admit it felt great. I was packing to move as the man whose apartment, my son and I were living in, had taken off leaving almost everything. I came to the box of Christmas balls. It was our first tree and my happiest Christmas. I picked up one of the balls and accidentally dropped it and realized it felt good when it broke. So I took the whole box and one by one I smashed and broke each one.


Advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses, also a devout Christian

Author – (this blog contains my old work mostly although occasionally I do add something new here), new work is mainly on this blog

6 thoughts on “Fibro Pain/Lidocaine vs Bipolar Disorder – 2015

  1. FLO

    For many years we had no Christmas tree, no ornaments, nothing external to indicate the season. Even later, when we could afford to buy a tree I cannot remember any Christmas that was “happy”. My mother had a tree precisely once when she was a child. A neighbor gave it to her with ornaments to decorate it. She still had the ornaments in later childhood years but never again, a tree. They couldn’t afford one. You’ve brought things back to my mind that I had forgotten. I do think things that happen or don’t happen when we are children might still be with us when we are old. Interesting post, helpful. Thanks for posting it.


  2. Tessa Post author

    You are welcome! My therapist definitely believes our childhoods affect our present and I believe so also. Part of the reason for this blog is to try and remember my childhood which I am blocking from my memory and to try and cope with my present and future.


  3. auntiememe71

    I am new on here but my main reason for doing this is to possibly find support from people who are like me, going through the same thing I am going through. I have Fibromyalgia & know to well about the pain of not only the physical side but the mental side of this disease. It is dibilatating, exhausting, & unbearable most of the time. I’m finding that more & more people actually have this disease than we think.


    1. Tessa Post author

      Welcome to WordPress. I am finding lots of support and writing helps soothe me a little. I can no longer lie, sit or walk without intense pain. The drs are frustrated, the ones that believe anyhow. I live upstairs and must climb up and down the stairs in pain and on my hands and feet. Upwards I am liable to tumble down them. Coming down I am liable to fly down them. I feel I have hit the point where nothing seems to help anymore and there is nothing stronger and then I must deal with my mental illnesses, related or not to the Fibro. Had them since childhood and late 50’s now.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. morgueticiaatoms

    Spook and I have agreed that we are going to get one of those sand bottom weighted inflatable boppy things and a cut a pool noodle in half then when we get mad and need to vent…Mr. Palm Tree gets it and nothing gets destroyed.
    Man, insurance that is so bad you have to buy your therapy at a dollar store and they don;’t even cover that, that is bloody sad. 😉

    Liked by 1 person


Feel free to leave any feedback!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.