Terrified! – 2015


I just woke up from some very terrifying dreams/hallucinations or you can laugh if you want a ghost. My whole family believes in ghosts, my mother was a medium and I have been plagued with seeing things since I was young. Could it have been the Bipolar Disorder instead? Then I would have to say that the whole family is plagued by it and I don’t see that. But that is a whole other story. Right now I am dealing with a loss of reality at times. I don’t always feel asleep.

Today was the worst. I couldn’t wake myself up, part of the time I felt awake and that I really and truly heard and saw things. I get a feeling of evil in my mind. Is it in my mind or is it real? Am I losing touch with reality again? I have a little before but this is way past that.

I have told my doctors, but they don’t seem extra concerned, but then the nightmares that I have discussed are family of sorts and they are trying to kill me, every damn night. My doctor says this won’t go away until I forgive the person. I can’t see that happening since the incident happened many years ago when I was a child and I am 62 now. Don’t think forgiving is happening.

But now I hear people calling my name, touching me (ick), and just plain crazy stuff and I can’t wake up if I am asleep. Don’t know what is happening to me. I don’t want to go back to the hospital again. That was horrendous on its own.

Oh I know this sounds crazy and I have to email my psyche nurse who prescribes my medications. Is it them? Is it me? Is it a ghost? I don’t think that person is really trying to kill me. And now my whole family is involved in these crazy dreams.

Tessa

Advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses, also a devout Christian

Author – http://www.finallyawriter.com (this blog contains my old work mostly although occasionally I do add something new here), new work is mainly on this blog http://www.tessacandoit.com

15 thoughts on “Terrified! – 2015

  1. sassafrass20

    I’ve never had any experience with ghosts are opening of myself and feeling them until I went to Florida-that’s a whole post on it’s own. I can say this-if you feel it, it’s probably more than likely someone trying to get your attention-and it’s always creepy as hell. I never forgave the man that molested me, but I forgave my parents-and myself (I was 9, and carried the guilt until he was found dead in his driveway in 2014, 25 years) Sometimes we have to handle it in the best way WE know how, not for the “professionals” to tell us how to handle it. I’ve been talking to those people that are important in my life and heart and it helps ME. DO what YOU need to do, Tessa. Hope you can rest soon xox

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    1. Tessa Post author

      If it didn’t give me such an evil feeling I would say it was my mom who has passed away, but this is too much. I informed my son and dad and the hospital has been brought up. MY psyche nurse hasn’t gotten back to me yet. I might be sleeping with the lights on tonight. They are getting worse. I am terrified and my anxiety medication is not helping to calm me down much.

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      1. sassafrass20

        Oh my! I hope your psych nurse called you back and you were able to get a little sleep. I sleep with the lights on sometimes too. Do you have any pets? My dog always helped me calm down. It’s not much, but just a thought. *I hate those evil feelings that wake you up.

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        1. Tessa Post author

          No she never got back to me and I contacted her again today and still no contact. My next appt is Tuesday. I hate to have to wait that long. She doesn’t have an office she is a visiting nurse.

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  2. Zoe

    My nightmares are that vivid. Someone said they were called night terrors. I haven’t discussed it too deeply, beyond how relevant dreams are with my PTSD. I think, though, a lot of doctors don’t want to place a lot of weight on dreams… but you should definitely make him hear you if you feel they are this bad.

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    1. Tessa Post author

      Zoe I am really terrified by this. Still waiting on psyche nurse because maybe it is my meds. I have always had nightmares, but never like this. I ended up crying while talking to my dad. He thinks I should go back to the hospital and if I spoke to my daughter who is a nurse she would probably agree. I told my son to keep an eye on me and if I start acting weird (loss of reality) to take me to hospital. I won’t fight anyone.

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  3. Raymond

    Ghost things are common in my country Indonesia, For me as long as the ghost has no chance of killing me I am not afraid. Being strong and as brave as you can. Trying to be an ignorance is also one of a cool way. Those sounds could also be a hallucination. Being scared is common as a human being and nobody is perfect enough not to be scared of anything.

    You will be crazy if you continue to responds deeper and deeper just like in the movie. You will overcome it if you try your best to ignore it or at least find the cause. Maybe asking your son to wake up if you ask him to wake up when you hear the sounds and let him hear it too. If there is no such sounds heard by him then it could be your hallucination.

    I try to overcome hallucination which sometimes is not a reality by challenging myself. You can really be so scared sometimes when you hear annoying noises coming out of nowhere. I am challenging to find the noise I heard with so many possibilities on my mind.
    – The noise could truly be just my imagination
    -The noise could only be produced by the wind or air blowing
    -The noise could be there because of stupid damn movie I have watched long time ago and begone!
    -The noise could be there because I was too busy all day and thinking too much
    -The noise could be there because I saw ugly with terrifying look person this morning but he doesn’t know me and so what
    -The noise could be there because I create my own version of creativity and I think I am a good scary movie producer lol
    -The noise could be there because I need some fresh air outside
    -The noise could be there because I need to clean the house maybe lol.

    If you continue to be terrified you will get deeper and deeper and lost in nowhere. Try to overcome it we are all here for you.

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  4. Tessa Post author

    Thank you Raymond. I do know it can be so many things. I sort of doubled my anxiety meds tonight to help me calm down I hope. I might sleep with lights on. The noise better not be because I need to clean LOL! I am thankful for all the support. We are all like a community.

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