I have become more and more worried about my loss of memory. This isn’t new. It has certainly gotten worse and I blame a lot of that on the Fibro Fog. I also have Sleep Apnea which is another thing that causes memory loss, sleep deprivation.
My Bipolar has put me in situations that I don’t want to remember and I have successfully suppressed a lot of them. Although they tend to come to the surface again and cause me agony and then I suppress them again. I don’t feel able to deal with them even if they have been discussed at therapy (this was more with my old therapist than my current, although I know there are things I have suppressed that we haven’t talked about either). There are a lot of these situations that I just can’t go into on here because of my family. Some things they don’t need to know. It is hard enough on them dealing with my mental illnesses and attempted suicide, they don’t need all the details.
And DOC I know I need to get all of this out for me to work on it. Problem with me is that I can’t forgive some people. I have tried and it isn’t happening. I doubt it ever will. Forgiveness has to come from the heart and mind and I am deeply scarred by so many things and some of them happened when I was a teen. That was a long time ago. I can’t forgive myself for whatever part I played in it and therefore can’t forgive the other person(s) involved. I have to forgive myself somehow.
Today has been a strange day for me. I am feeling weird. Not manic/not depressed severely, but a little bit. I am waiting to see what the medication increase of my Cymbalta is going to do. It usually takes a while for the full effects to hit me.
I am managing to shower every other day, occasionally twice in a row. That is progress. BUT WHO KNOWS WHAT TOMORROW WILL BRING??
Advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses, also a devout Christian