Hypersexuality/BiPolar Disorder— my story (2015)


Excerpted from: Bipolar Disorder & Sex (this affected me, please read after the excerpt)

As with other aspects of living with bipolar disorder, sexuality and sexual activity can swing back and forth between periods of hyper sexuality during a manic phase, and complete loss of sex drive during a depressive episode.

This can wreak havoc on relationships and a person’s sexual self-esteem.

Sexuality During Mania

Hyper-sexuality is an increased level of interest in sex or increased amount of sexual activity that can seem out of control. It is characterized by:

  • never feeling sexually satisfied despite engaging in a lot of sexual
    activity
  • sex drive that seems out of control
  • not having sexual gratification
  • having sex with multiple sex partners, including strangers
  • excessive masturbation
  • having continuous affairs and putting relationships at risk
  • inappropriate and risky sexual behavior
  • sex is used as a “painkiller” to avoid intimacy and other aspects of human relations that are feared
  • not having emotional satisfaction from sex
  • poor sexual impulse control
  • preoccupation with sexual thoughts
  • possible increase in use of pornography

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I have had Bipolar Disorder since I was a very young child. I also had no self-esteem. As I think back to my teenage years I think about the way I dressed and the way I acted. My self-esteem was built on how I looked to men. I wore sexy items, mini skirts and tight sweaters or even short shorts and halters. I was 4’11” and weighed only 86 lbs and had a large bust.  I paraded around this way and felt good if a man noticed and felt even better if they almost ran off the road. I had no idea why I acted this way. (Now I am over twice my weight and don’t dress like that) Now I experienced most of what is in the list above. Not all men care what your size is and I was out of control on the Internet finding men to have sex with. I couldn’t even tell you how many strangers I had sex with. I was lucky I was never hurt. However, as a 15 and 16 year old I had 2 attempted rapes. I was able to get away as the guys were drunk and I wasn’t. My therapist was horrified when I told him, but he was concerned for my safety. I told him I hadn’t done that for many years now. I have more control of myself, but barely. When I am fully manic I have to fight for control. I fantasize a lot and write erotic stories to try and calm myself down. Of course sometimes it just winds me up more. I have plenty of batteries. 🙂

Teresa Dean Smeigh at age 16

Teresa Dean Smeigh at age 16

Tessa

Advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses, also a devout Christian

Author – http://www.finallyawriter.com (this blog contains my old work mostly although occasionally I do add something new here), new work is mainly on this blog http://www.tessacandoit.com

10 thoughts on “Hypersexuality/BiPolar Disorder— my story (2015)

  1. donnainthesouth

    but what was in your head then? made the mistake of reconnecting – only on FB – with basically my first guy – still have a hard time realizing he didn’t realize I was as young as I was – I know I was only 13 when he thought I was 16 or 17 – I don’t even remember dressing/being/acting the way he said I was that’s why he says we got together

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    1. Tessa Post author

      I was a teen-aged girl with no self-esteem and now I find out there is a link to that from the Bipolar Disorder. I was validated by having a man think I was sexy. I wasn’t looking for guys, just their admiration. The article helped me understand better what happened when I was younger. I still have those feelings, just don’t act on them.

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    1. Tessa Post author

      It is just saying that there is a possible connection. Like anything with Bipolar Disorder everyone is different. I found it to explain my behavior at a time I didn’t understand.

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  2. Paula Light

    Interesting. I think our entire culture is built around this concept though, that girls and women should strive to gain male attention and if they don’t they’ve failed as humans. Our billions in advertising prop this up. Buy these things to get men to look at you! It takes a strong mindset to see this objectively and pull away from this heavy brainwashing.

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    Reply
    1. Tessa Post author

      My problem was the lack of control. I put my life in danger and didn’t understand that while my mania was driving me. Thankfully I no longer suffer from that. My meds are working, maybe too well as I am not interested in relationships at all. Although part of that is that men have been so terrible to interact with in an honest relationship. All I found were liars and that really soured my outlook.

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      1. Paula Light

        I hear you. I did that to some extent myself. Tried so hard to meet someone nice and they all just sucked. I guess I have to admit I must have put out a bad vibe or something, which is why I decided okay enough. I don’t know how to change “my vibe.” Honestly it’s fine to be alone. THANK GOD FOR MENOPAUSE!!!!!

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