Category Archives: Anxiety

Trying to get back into the swing of things.


I am having trouble getting back to regular blogging. The pain has become a major issue and I can barely stand it. Days of crying, don’t help, but what am I to do.

I just got a new pain management doctor since I changed to Medicare and have Medicaid. Dual coverage they call it and so most things should be covered. No more monthly premiums and all those copays.

My Medicaid also provides a home health aide to help with showering and dressing and the housework, shopping, and laundry. I also now have dental including dentures if/when I need them, hearing including hearing aids, and I am already certified by my last doctor as needing them 10 years ago, and eye checkups with glasses. I think it is one pair per year for diabetics.

They pay for my medical alert button and provide 1 meal a day.

There are a lot of other things, but I am not sure of everything that is part of the program. They do pay the 20% of what Medicare doesn’t cover. And due to my low income I am eligible with a lot of state help and/or medicare help for my prescriptions thank God. I couldn’t afford any on my little government disability check and the government is trying to get out of paying us as it is. Don’t know what will happen if they succeed. I can’t work.

My mental health is not quite as stable as it was. My anxiety is out of control during this pandemic and the uncertainty with the Medicaid.

Plus I spent April writing my book for NANOWRIMO and still working on other writing this month and when you get out of the habit it is hard to get back into it.

My dad’s nursing home (Long Term Care) has tested everyone for the virus and he doesn’t have it. However, their numbers are now, at last check, over 74 positive residents (all asymptomatic) and 9 positive employees with the first 3 employees now returning to work after recovering. And sadly 2 of the residents have died from the virus. We held for so long and it turned out they didn’t know they had sick residents since they weren’t showing any symptoms. They had decided to test all the residents and then the governor made it mandatory to test all nursing home residents. Half our numbers for the state are nursing home residents and assisted living residents. They don’t go out so they got it from the sick employees. However it seems that a lot of people are asymptomatic and not showing any signs of being sick, but they can pass it to someone else. This is a nasty virus and no wonder it is spreading so rapidly.

Our state is one of the worse and they are slowly starting to open things up a little bit. From what I have heard on the news there have been increases in the states that opened up earlier. That is what I expected would happen. We aren’t out of danger yet. Despite social distancing and wearing masks the numbers are still rising rapidly. I haven’t heard the last numbers we had. We have a lot of people still who insist that we don’t need masks or need to stay away from each other. I heard they had a party here last night and I think the largest number of people in groups is 10. I didn’t go, so I don’t know what happened. I am a huge risk factor so I am trying to protect myself.

I got notification from the pharmacy that I had a prescription for Narcan (to help prevent overdosing). I thought it was a mistake and contacted my prescriber which was my psychiatric nurse who writes my anxiety and psych meds. She told me that the governor has declared that anyone taking pain meds and anxiety meds must have Narcan available. Now I have to contact my pain management and report a new medication since that is the rule there, but as my psych nurse says he will have to write those same medications so I might get another one sent in from their office. She doesn’t prescribe me pain meds but knows I take them so she sent it in for me. I think that should have been done by pain management. I don’t have it yet as I am not making a separate trip when I know that I have other medications coming up for renewal.

Tessa – 

Advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses, also a devout Christian

Author – http://www.finallyawriter.com (this blog contains my old work mostly although occasionally I do add something new here), new work is mainly on this blog http://www.tessacandoit.com

Author of a book, a work in progress on the blog, https://tessacandoit.com/government-property-a-memoir-as-a-military-wife/

Highlighted chapters are done and ready to be read.

I am also a youtuber in the authortube section on writing. See my videos here:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCSpNS-6gfJ0s8eD1berLwQg

Dad’s Birthday and the Nursing Home


My dad turned 88 yesterday the 19th. He had a stroke so his mind is often not with us. Dementia has also begun. Visiting can sometimes be rough as he has moments where he doesn’t know who we are or he will mix up the family members so he is confused as to which kid belongs to my sister or me or which kids (the grandchildren) belong to our children. We try to explain the relationships to him, but sometimes it is too much for his damaged brain (due to a severe stroke) to understand.

His body is still very strong considering he doesn’t exercise and is in a wheelchair and he looks good for 88 years old. He looks better than I do most of the time.

Due to the coronavirus there has been no visitation for many months. They had just reopened to visitors after the flu was so rampant. They had one employe with the virus, but they were rapidly diagnosed and removed. Two of the residents were sick and tested, but we haven’t heard the test results. They were isolated from the rest of the residents. Compared to a lot of nursing home environments they are doing well protecting their residents and they keep us advised through text message blasts.

Tessa – 

Advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses, also a devout Christian

Author – http://www.finallyawriter.com (this blog contains my old work mostly although occasionally I do add something new here), new work is mainly on this blog http://www.tessacandoit.com

Author of a book, a work in progress on the blog, https://tessacandoit.com/government-property-a-memoir-as-a-military-wife/

Highlighted chapters are done and ready to be read.

Rebecca’s of Beckie’s Mental Mess Prompt – July 24, 2019


Week #8 

Prompt #1  Write a narrative of what works for you when in the midst of a crisis, such as, anxiety/panic attack or a manic episode.  Please give an example of what happened, and how you broke free from it.

Example: Coping skills, talking to a family member or a friend, and/or therapy, mediations… (Just to name a few).

I suffer from panic attacks and I find that deep breathing and talking to myself helps. I might chant “You can do this!” While driving I would pull off the road and get myself back under control. Taking a train trip by myself and having to switch trains twice was nerve-wracking and the panic attacks started me off deep breathing and telling myself that you don’t want to lose it here, no one knows where you are and you don’t want to land in a psychiatric unit in a part of the state you aren’t familiar with.

I also suffer from manic episodes. A couple of years ago I had one that landed me in the hospital. I was having delusions which got me labeled Bipolar 1 with Psychosis. All the sounds were magnified and we lived near a train track, an airport and even the neighbors sounded overly loud. I swore people were staring in my second-floor window.

I talked to my son and dad about what I was seeing and hearing and the final consensus was that I needed to go to the hospital for that one. They didn’t even trust driving me as they weren’t sure how wild I might end up. An ambulance was called and I was transported for that one.

Prompt #2 Pick One or Both The Photos/Pictures and explain how it makes you feel?

Example: In any format you choose!  (Poetry, Short Prose, etc…)

 

Photo #1:

Aah, cleansing, refreshing rain.

Visual of the image is that of heavy rain with the sun shining and pouring on a plant up against a rock wall.

This actually makes me feel calm. I find water in many forms soothing except for thunder and lightning showers since I am terrified of them.

Photo #2

Rainbow Above The Flower Field

Visual of the image is a field of flowers in the colors of a rainbow and above it is a bright rainbow against a beautiful blue sky.

This flat out freaks me out. It is too bold, bright and down-right offends me as it is not realistic. I know you can plant seeds to grow it that way, but it shouldn’t be that way.

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I thank each and every one of you in advance for participating in the “Working on Us” series.  Remember, we share because we care. 

Take Care & God Bless,

Beckie 💚

Beckies Rules:

  • Write your own post and create a pingback to the original post here.
  • There are no right or wrong answers.  Write in any format you see fit.  (Answer’s, fiction, non-fiction, poetry, poem, short prose…anything).
  • You can do one or all prompts.
  • You have from July 3rd. through to July 9th to submit your entries.
  • Please reblog the original post in order to spread more awareness.
  • If you the blogger have a suggestion/question you want to ask in the future weeks, please submit them in the comment section of this post.
  • Let’s see if we can get some men involved in this weeks prompts, your feelings a validated here too!
  • Plus, as an added bonus, whoever responds to the following prompts will automatically be reblogged to promote your blog site!

Tessa – 

Advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses, also a devout Christian

Author – http://www.finallyawriter.com (this blog contains my old work mostly although occasionally I do add something new here), new work is mainly on this blog http://www.tessacandoit.com

Author of a book, a work in progress on the blog, https://tessacandoit.com/government-property-a-memoir-as-a-military-wife/

Highlighted chapters are done and ready to be read.

 

 

Rebecca’s of Beckie’s Mental Mess Prompt – July 17, 2019


Week #7 (Delicate Topic) – Suicide Ideation

Prompt #1 Questions

  1. Have you ever experienced suicidal thoughts? Yes and quite often.
  2. Have you ever attempted suicide? Yes, I did try, but fortunately, I didn’t succeed. My daughter had me committed.
  3. Were you ever hospitalized for a suicidal attempt and/or ideation? Yes, twice and the first time it was for 9 days and not voluntary. The second time I went in voluntarily so only had to stay 3 days if they thought I was fit to leave. 
  4. When you were hospitalized, what was your experience like? Being locked in and knowing you are not allowed to leave when you want or do what you want is hard to deal with. All your belongings are gone through and you could only eat with plastic cutlery. Family visitation was very short. Anything with laces was taken away or they took the laces out. You went to bed when they said and got up when they said and they checked your room every 15 minutes at night to make sure you are in bed and sleeping. It was pure hell.
  5. Do you ever feel suicidal ideation since your release? Yes occasionally, but I promised my family I would not do it again which sometimes is hard to honor.

I thank each and every one of you in advance for participating in the “Working on Us” series.  Remember, we share because we care. 

Take Care & God Bless,

Beckie 💚

Beckies Rules:

  • Write your own post and create a pingback to the original post here.
  • There are no right or wrong answers.  Write in any format you see fit.  (Answer’s, fiction, non-fiction, poetry, poem, short prose…anything).
  • You can do one or all prompts.
  • You have from July 3rd. through to July 9th to submit your entries.
  • Please reblog the original post in order to spread more awareness.
  • If you the blogger have a suggestion/question you want to ask in the future weeks, please submit them in the comment section of this post.
  • Let’s see if we can get some men involved in this weeks prompts, your feelings a validated here too!
  • Plus, as an added bonus, whoever responds to the following prompts will automatically be reblogged to promote your blog site!

Tessa – 

Advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses, also a devout Christian

Author – http://www.finallyawriter.com (this blog contains my old work mostly although occasionally I do add something new here), new work is mainly on this blog http://www.tessacandoit.com

Author of a book, a work in progress on the blog, https://tessacandoit.com/government-property-a-memoir-as-a-military-wife/

Highlighted chapters are done and ready to be read.

 

 

Rebecca’s of Beckie’s Mental Mess Prompt – July 3, 2019


Week #5  Prompts: 

(Note this week’s suggestion came from Sophienaylor1 of “Girl vs. World” brought up eating disorders which by all means is a subject worth bringing more attention to.  However, I’m going to break this into (2) separate questions for Prompt #1).

Prompt #1  (Questions)

Question #1  If an eating disorder isn’t about food or weight, what is it all about?  And, what has it done to you personally? I think it is about control. When I was a child I was a very thin child up till I got pregnant of course, but that was different. My mother kept her bird eyes on me and if I put a pound on she took away my food until I was back to where I was. This was constantly happening and I think she is the cause of my eating disorder. When I got married and on my own, I was determined no one else would be in charge of what I ate. She did not do this to my sister and I don’t understand why she did it to me only. We are built the same and just like her. She was taking my food away, but she was heavy, much heavier than I ever was at that time in my life. The result was that I can’t control my eating and I am diabetic on an insulin pump. I need to lose weight, but the insulin puts weight on and now the Lyrica if I continue it will also put weight on. Plus I eat too much of the sweets I shouldn’t have because of my diabetes. I tried overeaters anonymous for a while, but I didn’t find it helpful for me. Losing weight would help many of my conditions, but it doesn’t seem to be happening.

Question #2  What is the most difficult thing to handle with your disorder?  (This applies to everyone). Having people tell me I shouldn’t be eating something when I obviously am not hungry since I am so heavy. At times I go through binging times and I would eat as if I was starving. It’s embarrassing at times. My sister is still struggling not to give into the eating, but she is getting heavier all the time. All that fighting and we don’t get anywhere and we both have one daughter who is fighting the weight gain like us, both had children. All were thin as children. One of the two that are still thin, one has had 2 children and doesn’t fight the weight as much, the other has no children yet. Part of it is mental and part of it is our body shapes from our genetics. My other daughter who has been fighting hard to lose her baby weight is pregnant again and 40 years old. She thought it was hard before, but she will most likely find this time around worse.  

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Prompt #2 (Photo Prompt)

(For visually impaired, this is a picture of a woman holding up a mirror in front of her and the reflection is that of the back of her).

She is hiding from her true self, It means she is looking inwards.

I thank each and every one of you in advance for participating in the “Working on Us” series.  Remember, we share because we care. 

Take Care & God Bless,

Beckie 💚

Beckies Rules:

  • Write your own post and create a pingback to the original post here.
  • There are no right or wrong answers.  Write in any format you see fit.  (Answer’s, fiction, non-fiction, poetry, poem, short prose…anything).
  • You can do one or all prompts.
  • You have from July 3rd. through to July 9th to submit your entries.
  • Please reblog the original post in order to spread more awareness.
  • If you the blogger have a suggestion/question you want to ask in the future weeks, please submit them in the comment section of this post.
  • Let’s see if we can get some men involved in this weeks prompts, your feelings a validated here too!
  • Plus, as an added bonus, whoever responds to the following prompts will automatically be reblogged to promote your blog site!

Tessa – 

Advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses, also a devout Christian

Author – http://www.finallyawriter.com (this blog contains my old work mostly although occasionally I do add something new here), new work is mainly on this blog http://www.tessacandoit.com

Author of a book, a work in progress on the blog, https://tessacandoit.com/government-property-a-memoir-as-a-military-wife/

Highlighted chapters are done and ready to be read.

 

 

Rebecca’s of Beckie’s Mental Mess Prompt – June 26, 2019


Week #4 – Question Segment:  

How do you deal with the Stigma surrounding your mental disorder/illness? I don’t let it bother me. I take the time to help people understand and I am willing to talk about it to anyone who really wants to know. I have found most people are genuinely interested and want to know about it. 

Does the Stigma associated with mental health bother you?  If so, in what way? It doesn’t bother me personally, but I hate to see others treated badly due to it. 

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🌻RULES:

The following question/suggestion for this week Prompt #1 comes from Carol Anne of “Therapy Bits”.  I,  for one, think that this is an awesome question (s).

Prompt #1 Questions:

How do you deal with the Stigma surrounding your mental disorder/illness?

Does the Stigma associated with mental health bother you?  If so, in what way?

 

Prompt #2 Picture:

Mind Your Mind for Mental Health Awareness Month - Threadless Blog

(The following picture is that of a brain inside a birdcage)

 

Once again, write your own post and create a pingback to the original post here.

There are no right or wrong answers.

You can do one or both prompts.

You have from June 26th through to July 2nd to submit your entries.

Please reblog the original post in order to spread more awareness.

If you the blogger have a suggestion/question you want to ask in the future weeks, please submit them in the comment section of this post.

Plus, as an added bonus, whoever responds to the following prompts will automatically be reblogged to promote your blog site!

~ 💚 ~

I thank each and every one of you in advance for participating in the “Working on Us” series.  Remember, we share because we care. 

Take Care & God Bless,

Beckie 💚

 

 

Rebecca’s of Beckie’s Mental Mess Prompt – June 19, 2019


I chose this segment as this very thing happened to me.

Week #3 – Question Segment:  

Here are a few coping statements, do you agree or disagree?  Even if your answer is yes or no, please explain:

  1. This situation of sitting on a fully packed train either makes you feel uncomfortable or unpleasant, but I can accept it? I was extremely uncomfortable having agreed to ride on the train to meet my friend who was in North Jersey whereas I was located in South Jersey. By car, it is about 3 hours or less, but with 3 changes of trains and my terrible anxiety, it was taking me longer. Driving would have been more anxiety for me than this. 
  2. Can I ride out the wave of anxiety, or do I feel like I need professional help now? I was panicking and I kept telling myself that if I freak out and they take me to the hospital my family wouldn’t know where I was. So I tried deep-breathing and telling myself over and over that I was OK and that I could do this. 
  3. Do you practice coping skills? If so, what works best for you? I really don’t have coping skills unless you consider deep-breathing and talking to myself over and over a coping skill. 

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Beckie Wrote:

June 19, 2019, Week #3 – “Working on Us” – A Mental Health Questionaire, Plus a Photo Prompt – You Decide

🌻RULES:

Each week I will ask a question or questions pertaining to mental health and add a photo prompt.  Your job, if you so choose to join along, is to write a post on your own blog, and creating a ping-back to the original post.  

🌻It is up to you the reader to decide how you want to answer questions and/or photo prompt.  If you want to write a non-fictional or fictional piece, poetry, whatever… Whatever you choose to do, I will, therefore, reblog what you have written.  This is one way to not only promote your site but also spread awareness to all things mental health related. 🌻

As an added bonus… Since there are so many different mental health illnesses/disorders,  YOU, the blogger can send me a comment as to what you would like to be the next question (s), and they will be addressed in future posts.  

🌻What is the reason behind the “Mental Health Prompts of “Working on Us” (?) It’s fairly simple actually.  I’d like this series to be an all-inclusive mental health community blog in order to be a source of more support towards one another.  Idea’s, suggestions, and advice can be shared amongst the group.🌻

So, Are We Ready for Week# 3?  I am going to start with two prompts.  You can pick one or both, and again, you can choose how you want this to be written.  Don’t forget to create a pingback to the original post, this way I can share with more people within the mental health community, as well as promote your blog site!

Week #3 – Question Segment:  

Here are a few coping statements, do you agree or disagree?  Even if your answer is yes or no, please explain:

  1. This situation of sitting on a fully packed train either makes you feel uncomfortable or unpleasant, but I can accept it?
  2. Can I ride out the wave of anxiety, or do I feel like I need professional help now?
  3. Do you practice coping skills? If so, what works best for you? 

 

Week #3 – Photo Prompt: What does this picture signify or evoke in you?  (Again, you can write however you see fit).

Photo Credit: Pinterest

Now, remember to create a pingback on your own blog.  If you are having difficulties with pingbacks, copy your title and enter it in the comment section of this post.  

I sincerely look forward to your responses and remember, there are no right or wrong answers.  Plus, as a bonus, I will reblog whatever it is you submit, this way your blog gets more attention as well.  

Thank you in advance,

Beckie 🌻

PS… Please Reblog This Post So Many More Can Join In!  Thank You!

Tenth Anniversary of the April Blogging from A to Z Challenge – Letter Z is for Zoning Out


Tenth Anniversary of the April Blogging from A to Z Challenge

I have chosen to write for the mental health topic. It is very important to me that we support all those with mental health issues and I personally suffer from a good amount of them myself.

Letter Z is for Zoning Out

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To meet the criteria for GAD, several physical symptoms must also be present on most days. These include; restlessness; becoming easily fatigued; problems concentrating or “zoning out;’ irritability; muscle tension; and sleep disturbances.

Click here to check out the article.

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Tessa

Advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses, also a devout Christian

Author – http://www.finallyawriter.com (this blog contains my old work mostly although occasionally I do add something new here), new work is mainly on this blog http://www.tessacandoit.com

Tenth Anniversary of the April Blogging from A to Z Challenge – Letter Y is for Years of Cycling in Bipolar Disorder


Tenth Anniversary of the April Blogging from A to Z Challenge

I have chosen to write for the mental health topic. It is very important to me that we support all those with mental health issues and I personally suffer from a good amount of them myself.

Letter Y is for Years of Cycling in Bipolar Disorder

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What Is Rapid in Cycling Bipolar Disorder?

Rapid cycling is a pattern of frequent, distinct episodes in bipolar disorder. In rapid cycling, a person with the disorder experiences four or more episodes of mania or depressionin one year. It can occur at any point in the course of bipolar disorder, and can come and go over many years depending on how well the illness is treated; it is not necessarily a “permanent” or indefinite pattern of episodes.

Click here to check out the article.

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Tessa

Advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses, also a devout Christian

Author – http://www.finallyawriter.com (this blog contains my old work mostly although occasionally I do add something new here), new work is mainly on this blog http://www.tessacandoit.com

Tenth Anniversary of the April Blogging from A to Z Challenge – Letter X is for X-ray and Bipolar Disorder


Tenth Anniversary of the April Blogging from A to Z Challenge

I have chosen to write for the mental health topic. It is very important to me that we support all those with mental health issues and I personally suffer from a good amount of them myself.

Letter X is for X-ray and Bipolar Disorder

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Brain imaging technology has yielded significant insights into bipolar diseases. Brain imaging techniques allow visualization of the whole living brain or slices of the living brain without ever having to perform surgery. Because these procedures are non-invasive and give lots of information about brain structure and function, they have revolutionized research and medicine. Various studies have documented differences in brain structures and functions that are typically present when bipolar and non-bipolar (e.g., healthy) brains are compared.

Structural studies measure brain composition using technologies such as Computerized Axial Tomography (CAT) and Magnetic Resonance Imaging (MRI). In CAT, X-rays are used to scan the brain. With each scan, a digital photograph is taken and a computer compiles these photographs into a three-dimensional image of the brain. In MRI, the brain is scanned by a magnet which is linked to a computer. Each MRI scan produces hundreds of digital images from multiple angles to produce an accurate three-dimensional image. Using these methods, researchers have found enlarged ventricle spaces (spaces which carry cerebrospinal fluid through and around the brain) in those with a bipolar diagnosis. Larger ventricles indicate less brain tissue is present as a whole within the brain and suggests that either deterioration has occurred, or that bipolar brains develop differently than normal brain controls. Another structural anomaly observed is that bipolar brains tend to contain an abnormal amount of small, white areas in the brain known as ‘white matter hyperintensities’. White matter is involved in transmitting information from one part of the brain to the other. Patients who have these hyperintensities have an occurrence of bipolar disorder that is three times as likely as the general population. Furthermore, in bipolar patients, there is a reduction in glial cells, which are cells that insulate brain neurons, making them communicate more efficiently. Less glial cell density within bipolar brains means that these brains do not communicate as efficiently as their normal counterparts. If the bipolar brain has a difficult time conversing with itself because of white matter hyperintensities and/or glial cell degeneration, mood fluctuations might be a natural result of this miscommunication. The imaging data are relatively new and preliminary, and their meaning is not known definitively at this time. As more data become available, a clearer picture of how brain structure affects bipolar diagnosis will emerge.

Click here to check out the article.

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Tessa

Advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses, also a devout Christian

Author – http://www.finallyawriter.com (this blog contains my old work mostly although occasionally I do add something new here), new work is mainly on this blog http://www.tessacandoit.com