Days like these are when suicide does cross my mind.
I am in so much pain. 40 years of chronic pain and this being has finally hit enough already. When does the pain stop. Why am I in so much pain? So much for God’s plan. What the hell is it already that it demands I be in constant, gut wrenching PAIN?
I have to ration the few pain pills I have for sleep hours so I can finally drift off only to wake up as it wears off. I take another one and since I don’t have enough for 2 a day I am going to run out and then I don’t know where I will stand.
I didn’t cry much despite all this pain in the last 40 years, but enough is enough is enough already. I need a fucking break from all of this.
My pain management appointment isn’t until October 17 and will have no medicine unless the orthopedic dr will relent and write me another script for some more. I have a 13 page document to fill out just to go to this pain dr. Filling out paperwork drives me crazy. They don’t even read it. They just have to have it in the record, but 13 pages for crying out loud. And I have to agree to constant drug tests to make sure I am taking the medications they prescribe and of course I have to pay for it. If I fuck up and take more than the actual dose or less than I could fail the drug tests and be thrown out of the practice. I also could end up addicted to a narcotic and have to make sure I don’t lose my meds or mess up the dosage as I will have to go to the hospital for withdrawal. Another rule I have to sign for. All because people abuse the drugs those of us who need them have to suffer.
I don’t want to need these drugs. I take so many drugs now and really who wants more. I don’t get high off of them I get a little pain relief if that.
I have decided to increase my carbs to 50 per day, still low carb, but not as drastic. I am not losing weight and the thought of eating like this the rest of my life is driving me nuts. I need more variety and I am picky as hell. It will most likely mean more insulin at first and I use insulin to correct what I am going to eat to keep my numbers lower.
Most days I probably won’t hit the 50 carb count anyway, but this gives me more choices. I am eating a lot more protein than the group I am in so will follow an atkins group which allows more protein. Atkins starts at 20 and goes up ater 2 weeks so already hit induction. I just reordered the original Atkins book and will attempt to reread. I know they have foods they don’t eat either. Most of them I am fine at, but 20 or less with my practically non-existent appetite has been hell and I am not losing weight. Something has to give or I am on insulin forever.
Going for nerve test today. Using pain pills sparingly since I have so few and appointment with pain dr isn’t until October 17.
I think the dr decreased my insulin too fast. I am having highs again and no sense to the numbers I am getting.
I called again. They want me to stay on the current doses (I told them I did go back to my original fast-acting Novolog for meals) of Tresiba long-acting of 25 units for several more days and give it some time to settle down.
They are fine with my numbers being between 90 and 130, but I am not. 90 fine, but 100 and above not so fine. I was down to 80’s and 90’s except for the morning and evening lows for about a week. I think they decreased it too much.
After a few days I have to start increasing my long-acting Tresiba by 2’s every 4-5 days.
I hate this. The research is out there that low carb and lower numbers in the normal ranges are the way to go, but the drs stand by the American Diabetes Association and their high carb, high numbers way of life. The ADA has not changed this in the 20 years I have been diagnosed. They are keeping peoples numbers high and the damage is fatal eventually. I don’t want to die because they are not with the times or suffer other damage.
The decrease in sugar has helped my pain, my bipolar and my diabetes. Sugar is my enemy and so are high blood sugar readings. If I have to humor my dr and do it the more healthful way I will.
90 – 130 is not acceptable. I will finagle my insulin myself if I have to.
My sugars are now low enough that a decrease was needed. My slow acting Tresiba was cut from 50 to 25 and they lowered the sliding scale on my fast acting Novalog for meals. This morning I was117 and at lunch I was 115.
I am following a low carb diet called Ketogenic or Keto for short. It means 20 carbs or less per day. Most drs don’t like it, but it works for me and my drs, nurses and one of my dietician are ok with it.
Why should I eat the high carb American Diabetes Diet and take more meds. I just decreased them.
Less than 20 carbs can be hard to adjust to. It means going without a lot of my favorite foods, but my life is worth it.
I have had lows for the last couple of days. Obviously a medicine change is needed.
My very low carb/ketogenic diet is working. Already I am seeing a need to lower some of the insulin needs. Will talk to the dr if it keeps up. Luckily I have been home when it happens – night time and fasting.
Most days I eat less than 20 carbs, some meals are no carb therefore no insulin. So I am down to the low numbers on my fast acting insulin for meals and my Tresiba slow acting all day insulin also needs adjustment. Just not sure where I should make the adjustment.
I had a healing last night and the healer sent love, light and energy from the Lord through my body. He releases the bad and brings in the good.
I have them periodically.
Still struggling with my blood sugars. They are better when I keep it low, very low carb. Too many carbs and the numbers skyrocket. This morning my fasting number was 78. Almost to the danger zone. Keeping it so low carb limits my diet tremendously. I can have a lot of the vegetables, but fruits are no-no’s except for berries and just a few of them.
Hard to take insulin when you eat so low carb. I don’t have to take as much and if I don’t have any in a meal I don’t need the insulin shot.
When one needle runs out I have to use 2 to get a full shot. I hate that. That meant 3 shots last night and the long-acting insulin which was the 2 shots burned like hell.
I am still in a lot of pain from the classes. Simple as they are, I am just so out of shape I am in terrible pain.
There are 2 teachers and they both are different in style. One is harder than the other. I think I aggravated my Fibromyalgia as well.
I have lost 2.8 lbs since starting to eat low carb. I am not following the ADA (American Diabetic Association) diet and eating very low carb as most diabetics have found to work better than the high carb diet recommended by the ADA. I have definitely lost inches, moreso than pounds.
The dietician I talked to today has refused to help me because I refuse to follow the ADA diet and eat lots of milk, yogurt, fruit (is she nuts) other than berries, grains and some other things. The ADA diet is actually dangerous to diabetics who need to cut down on the carbs, not increase them. I have found a support group or 2 to help with this low carb diet. There are several drs who support the concept as well. Mine seems fine with it.
I am hungry. I think I will fry some eggs and sausage. No carbs, no shot of insulin needed. I will just take my long acting insulin tonight instead of 2 needles.