Category Archives: faith

My blog is starting to slide away into the ether.


At one point I was in a much better place and my blog was growing. I wrote many posts a day as well as a devotional every day. I wrote thankfulness posts, etc. There were numerous stories and poems on my other blog. I still have 2 and the addresses are at the bottom in my signature.

Now my blog is slowing dying. I have some regulars still and I appreciate you guys hanging around even though I find it difficult at times to follow many blogs. I still get new followers, but I feel as if I am letting them down as well. I have to change things if I want to save it. It is so easy to just give up and I don’t want to do that. I worked hard for these 2 blogs only to let them die.

I am sure I have turned people away with my constant whining about my physical pains. They are far worse than my mental at this point. My bipolar is fairly stable and my panic and anxiety, though still around, are calmed some by the meds.

What to do about 2 dying blogs is my current problem. I am sure people are tired of reading about my health issues. I know I am tired of living through them and complaining about them sure isn’t helping me any either.

I miss my blogs, the old ones, the ones that people enjoyed reading because they were more than just my whining.

I definitely thank all of you or are standing by me and still here and those of you who are new I hope you can find something of interest to keep you coming back.

I have been sinking for a while and just not noticing it. It is time to bring these blogs back on board and give the people something worthwhile.

Comments are welcome. If you have a comment about what is happening here don’t be afraid to share it with me. Perhaps it is not too late to save my blogs.

Teresa (Tessa) Dean Smeigh

-Advocate for Mental and Invisible Illnesses

-Author of Articles, Stories and Poems

http://www.tessacandoit.com

http://www.finallyawriter.com

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Not a good day, life just sucks and the only way out is not acceptable.


Days like these are when suicide does cross my mind.

I am in so much pain. 40 years of chronic pain and this being has finally hit enough already. When does the pain stop. Why am I in so much pain? So much for God’s plan. What the hell is it already that it demands I be in constant, gut wrenching PAIN?

I have to ration the few pain pills I have for sleep hours so I can finally drift off only to wake up as it wears off. I take another one and since I don’t have enough for 2 a day I am going to run out and then I don’t know where I will stand.

I didn’t cry much despite all this pain in the last 40 years, but enough is enough is enough already. I need a fucking break from all of this.

My pain management appointment isn’t until October 17 and will have no medicine unless the orthopedic dr will relent and write me another script for some more. I have a 13 page document to fill out just to go to this pain dr. Filling out paperwork drives me crazy. They don’t even read it. They just have to have it in the record, but 13 pages for crying out loud. And I have to agree to constant drug tests to make sure I am taking the medications they prescribe and of course I have to pay for it. If I fuck up and take more than the actual dose or less than I could fail the drug tests and be thrown out of the practice. I also could end up addicted to a narcotic and have to make sure I don’t lose my meds or mess up the dosage as I will have to go to the hospital for withdrawal. Another rule I have to sign for. All because people abuse the drugs those of us who need them have to suffer.

I don’t want to need these drugs. I take so many drugs now and really who wants more. I don’t get high off of them I get a little pain relief if that.

Teresa (Tessa) Dean Smeigh

-Advocate for Mental and Invisible Illnesses

-Author of Articles, Stories and Poems

http://www.tessacandoit.com

http://www.finallyawriter.com

 

Whine/wine – my Sunday


On Sunday we went to the Baptism of my newest great nephew.

I took communion and was shocked they actually used wine. I was used to grape juice at some churches.

My whine is that my shirt wouldn’t stay down. It kept creeping up and exposing my bra. I had to spend the whole time wondering where my shirt was or someone was telling me to pull it down.

What a way to celebrate a Baptism.

Teresa (Tessa) Dean Smeigh

-Advocate for Mental and Invisible Illnesses

-Author of Articles, Stories and Poems

http://www.tessacandoit.com

http://www.finallyawriter.com

Have to find my lost inspiration! Bipolar is just part of me, not all of me!


I blame so much on the bipolar disorder, but it is only part of it. I have lost most of my inspiration in life. Granted I never had much to begin with, but my writing is suffering, my blog is suffering. My family life is suffering and I just started to make amends with my children. I don’t want to die old and alone with no family.

I started the amends process last night. Lots of crying among us, but a start has been made and I have to admit my son is probably right when he says I am looking for attention. That I don’t feel real without it. I need validation.

Others suffer from things worse than me and go on with life. I use my mental and physical health as excuses. I am intuitive and I know things and could have made a great counselor if I had felt the need and desire.

I want to make a difference in people’s lives as well as my own. I have to start with me for the most part.

I need to bring God back into my life. I have even pushed him into the background. Blaming him for my misery. Life isn’t easy and getting back on track will take some work, but TESSA CAN DO IT!

Teresa (Tessa) Dean Smeigh

-Advocate for Mental and Invisible Illnesses

-Author of Articles, Stories and Poems

http://www.tessacandoit.com

http://www.finallyawriter.com

Good news without having to fight for it.


Today I was reading my email and my deletions couldn’t be done without deleting just one or reading one. I had marked a huge amount to delete and I hate when it does this.

Anyway I decided to read one and it was my notification of my Medicare Advantage program payment. I have it taken out of my bank automatically.

I was surprised to see just $2.40 on there. So I immediately called Aetna. It was good news. My state which gives me extra care due to the minimal SSDI check I get, had retroactively given me a refund. My new bill is almost $20 a month less. Can’t complain about that. I am thankful for any help I get.

Teresa (Tessa) Dean Smeigh

-Advocate for Mental and Invisible Illnesses

-Author of Articles, Stories and Poems

http://www.tessacandoit.com

http://www.finallyawriter.com

The Law of Attraction and Religion


The Law of Attraction cares not whether you are deeply religious or not at all. Works for Atheists and Agnostics also.

It also doesn’t differentiate between good and bad thoughts part of the reason we draw the bad things to us.

I am happy. I am content. I am bringing the good into my life.

Teresa (Tessa) Dean Smeigh

-Advocate for Mental and Invisible Illnesses

-Author of Articles, Stories and Poems

http://www.tessacandoit.com

http://www.finallyawriter.com

Ask and ye shall receive.


Matthew 7:7 King James Bible


Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.

People have commented good and bad about my posting about the law of attraction and mentioning God. Well it is mentioned in the bible. I do not feel this invalidates my belief in our Lord God.

I am mainly following Dr, Wayne Dyer (deceased) and he mentions the bible and God throughout his books and tapes of his speaking engagements. A lot of them can be found on youtube. I just bought a bunch of his books so I can take it slowly and study his words.

I believe that you get what you ask for, the problem being people don’t realize they are inadvertently asking for pain and bad things when all they do is complain about them. Seek and ye shall receive. That is why you must think about the good things you want. Do not dwell on the bad in your life or it will continue to come.

Will it happen right away? Probably not. Will it be exactly what you ask for? Not necessarily as God will give you what he has planned for you and it may not be exactly what you asked for. Life has a habit of working out even though it wasn’t exactly what you asked for.

I am happy, healthy, content in my life.

Teresa (Tessa) Dean Smeigh

-Advocate for Mental and Invisible Illnesses

-Author of Articles, Stories and Poems

http://www.tessacandoit.com

http://www.finallyawriter.com