Category Archives: Family

Stroke vs Dementia – not a winning combination


My dad is a gentle and kind man. The other day (he is now in long term care) he struck out at a woman who was touching him and he grabbed her arm and threatened to twist her neck if she didn’t stop touching his ears. They called my sister as this is not normal behavior for him, but it took her hours to talk to him and try to bring him back to reality. This is what we have to look forward to.

We have to get his house sold, car etc. as he is almost broke and we are still waiting on the government to come through with his Medicaid to pay for the Long Term Care. He is now cash pay or whatever term they use.

I am not much help as I am still in tremendous back pain. I had the nerves deadened 3 weeks ago, but not helping much yet if at all. I occasionally will get a break, but that is usually when I am laying down.

Tessa

Advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses, also a devout Christian

Author – http://www.finallyawriter.com (this blog contains my old work mostly although occasionally I do add something new here), new work is mainly on this blog http://www.tessacandoit.com

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The Scammers Weren’t Lucky-God Will Provide


For one thing they caught me at the end of the month and so there was very little left in account and two I had considerably more than that in my secret hiding place that I keep for emergencies. Yes I miss it, but it would have been gone if my car broke down and I didn’t have enough here to cover it in my emergency stash.

My son was happy to see me taking it positively for a change and not moaning or groaning and beating myself up. Like I said the same thing would have happened if I had an emergency. Those people will get their payback as what goes around comes around.

I believe what I need will be provided by God if it comes to that. I am living on very little and even saving some so in a few months at the most I will have regained it back barring a real emergency.

Physically I am still suffering. The radio wave frequency procedure did not work. I am still in a lot of pain, plus for months now my spine has been moving and I am terrified that eventually I will need surgery. When it moves it sometimes cracks real loud and it also makes me feel paralyzed for several minutes. I worry that one day it is going to not go back in place and I will stay paralyzed for real. Still trying to get a hold of the dr. I have been speaking to underlings who can’t do much, but this last one is going to try and get my refill for narcotics prescription appointment changed to a regular one so I can talk to the dr, but even that is Wednesday. My appointment for a checkup for the procedure is the 19th. Going to the Emergency Room at this moment won’t help. There is nothing they can do unless it really does paralyze me.

40 years of adult chronic pain and all the pain I had as a child. It is time DEAR GOD for some relief, please, I pray to you.

If I become unable to take care of myself what does it leave but a nursing home for me. My kids can’t take me in. One could try, but he is planning on leaving the state and going down south. The other two have no room for me. I am sure they would do their best for me, but it is scary. And I don’t want to be any more of a burden than I already am.

I just gathered the trash and recycles and my rent check (plus I picked up my mail) and took it downstairs. Of course that has totally aggravated my back. I just took a pain pill not that they feel like they are working.

I have had to take a longer break from visiting dad since my sister is home. Getting in and out of the car hurts and is becoming harder and then there is a very long walk to the facility from the parking lot and then to his room. I was going once a week. Half the time he is blaming me for making the decision with my sister to put him in the long term care center once his rehab is done. He wants to go home and at times he is lucid and knows he isn’t making him mad at us although the other day he did make a statement to us that he thanks us for taking care of him. My brother has no real interest to help and isn’t around here anyhow. He lives down south and is broke so it is up to my sister and I to make sure he is taken care of. Which we gladly do as he is our father and we love him and he took care of us. Although when he is screaming at you for not letting him go home and drive his car it is hard not to explode. My sister told me if he does that just tell him you have to leave. He won’t remember it anyway. It is hard to see such a strong, proud man withering away.

Tessa

Advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses, also a devout Christian

Author – http://www.finallyawriter.com (this blog contains my old work mostly although occasionally I do add something new here), new work is mainly on this blog http://www.tessacandoit.com

A Child Arrives – #OctPoWriMo 2018 #6


A Child Arrives by Tessa Smeigh October 2018

October 6 my child was due.

She wouldn’t come said they who knew.

I showed them, I sure did.

She arrived right on time

And proved them wrong!

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#OctPoWriMo2018

Tessa

Advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses, also a devout Christian

Author – http://www.finallyawriter.com (this blog contains my old work mostly although occasionally I do add something new here), new work is mainly on this blog http://www.tessacandoit.com

Halloween is Coming – #OctPoWriMo 2018 #4


Halloween is Coming by Tessa Smeigh October 2018

The dark things begin to stir.

As Halloween approaches.

Watch out for witches, ghosts and goblins

They are coming to life.

Looking for those that don’t believe!

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#OctPoWriMo2018

Tessa

Advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses, also a devout Christian

Author – http://www.finallyawriter.com (this blog contains my old work mostly although occasionally I do add something new here), new work is mainly on this blog http://www.tessacandoit.com

Thunderstorms – #OctPoWriMo 2018 #3


Thunderstorms by Tessa Smeigh October 2018

Lightning flashes on the horizon.

Bolts slashing down and looking for a place to ground.

I find lightning terrifying, although at times mesmerizing.

Can’t take my eyes away.

Lighting up the evening sky.

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#OctPoWriMo2018

Tessa

Advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses, also a devout Christian

Author – http://www.finallyawriter.com (this blog contains my old work mostly although occasionally I do add something new here), new work is mainly on this blog http://www.tessacandoit.com

Falling Leaves – #OctPoWriMo 2018 #2


Falls Beginning by Tessa Smeigh October 2018

Fall begins its descent.

Color slowly takes over the green.

I can’t believe how recent

Everything was green and serene.

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#OctPoWriMo2018

Tessa

Advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses, also a devout Christian

Author – http://www.finallyawriter.com (this blog contains my old work mostly although occasionally I do add something new here), new work is mainly on this blog http://www.tessacandoit.com

The Month of Births and Death – #OctPoWriMo 2018 #1


The Month of Births and Death by Tessa Smeigh October 2018

This is my birth month and that of my child.

It is also the month that we lost our dear Mother.

She can never be replaced, but life goes on and her legacy lives on,

Forever in our hearts and memories.

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#OctPoWriMo2018

Tessa

Advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses, also a devout Christian

Author – http://www.finallyawriter.com (this blog contains my old work mostly although occasionally I do add something new here), new work is mainly on this blog http://www.tessacandoit.com