Category Archives: Feelings

Just a little work goes a long way!

I have been working on the new “Tessa Can Do It” blog and just these last few days I am finding a new growth in my readership. I am making the effort to follow up with those that leave me likes or messages and spending more time reading other’s blogs like I used to.

There is no way I can read everyone I follow and for that I am sorry, but anyone who has a fairly good size following understands where I am coming from. i have vowed to work more on keeping up with the blog and now that I am going from 2 blogs to one blog I should have a little more time to read once the conversion is complete.

I am making a separate listing in the reader for my new followers or for the old ones as I find them and they still interest me. I followed everyone in the beginning in an effort to build readership and some of these aren’t even in English. I hate trying to get it translated.

Also working on my blood sugars. They are all over the place and higher than I want so need to watch what I eat a little bit closer. My pancreas no longer makes its own insulin so I have to inject what I need and that is what will bring it down. It doesn’t really come down on its own anymore.

I just ate scrambled eggs, sausage and bacon. Since my number at the time was 78 I didn’t think about injecting any insulin and it is happily rising on its own. My nurse taught me a little bit about using the insulin to correct these incidents. I forgot to inject it this morning when I ate. I am still learning about correcting without over-correcting. I keep glucose tablets on hand just in case my sugar drops to dangerous lows. I was 44 last week and that took some time to come up and I was lucky that I was just light-headed and didn’t pass out. MUST be careful.

Went to our usual brunch today and this restaurant is headed downhill. They have closed many already and this one is on its way to join them. The food sucks and its employees have lousy skills. The only good thing is that the food is half-price, though I doubt that will save it in the end. There are no customers when food is regular priced. The only reason we don’t go to another restaurant is that this one is closer for my friend who doesn’t do much driving and she can tolerate the food. I hate it! We had to get the manager today. Our waitress was having all her tables complaining. Probably won’t finish the day off.

Tomorrow I will be going to my grandson’s football game. I have forgotten some of the rules and it isn’t as clear as a professional game so can’t tell sometimes what the plays are. I used to have a fairly good understanding of the game, but I have switched to Major League Baseball although since it is the Phillies we do a lot of losing LOL although they have gotten much better this second half of the season.

My pain has decreased some. Not sure if the inflammation is going down taking the discs off the nerve or I am just distracting myself more and not dwelling on my medical issues. I still have the 13 pages of papers the doctor’s office is requiring to be filled out. I hate filling all those medical papers out especially since they rarely read them.

Teresa (Tessa) Dean Smeigh

-Advocate for Mental and Invisible Illnesses

-Author of Articles, Stories and Poems (moving posts to other blog and will be deleting this one.


#WeekendCoffeeShare: Now it is pinched nerves – September 2017

If we were having coffee this weekend, I would be drinking water (my main drink since my diabetes is so out of control) and you could have your choice of beverages.

I would tell you about my new struggles with life. I have pinched nerves in my neck and back causing extensive pain, more than my normal chronic pain. I was given a few percocets, but they won’t last until my pain management appointment October 17. Thanks to all the people abusing drugs, those of us in true pain can’t get what we need. I am thankful for what they could give me.

I have MRI’s to get, a nerve test to study the amount of damage and then steroid injections (there goes my sugar levels sky high) and then hopefully pain meds. This is the second time in 7 years I went through this. Last time I was also diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. That is adding its 2 cents as well.

My bipolar is not as bad right now, but it is adding its 2 cents as well. I can’t help, but feel depression during all of this. I have lived with chronic pain for 40 years now and this is so much worse. Hopefully the injections will help. I am going to the same dr so I hope she will follow along with the same treatment.

I am skipping the 2 treatments of physical therapy due to cost and they really didn’t help much last time. Living on a government disability check is impossible and I have no choice, but to go for this medical treatment. It will push the added burden of the bankruptcy sooner rather than later.

I keep trying to remind myself that God will provide for my needs, but the other part of me wants to know why I must go through all this pain, both physical and mental. I know there are people worse off than I and surgery is not on the table at this point, but this is degenerative, hence the name Degenerative Disk Disease. The inflammation from the arthritis and herniated disks is what is pinching the nerves. The injections if possible will help take down some of the inflammation.

They say that not eating sugar helps inflammation. I barely eat any following this low carb diet, but it doesn’t seem to help the inflammation from my standpoint.

Okay, done complaining for now.

Hope you all have a great and blessed week!

Teresa (Tessa) Dean Smeigh

-Advocate for Mental and Invisible Illnesses

-Author of Articles, Stories and Poems (moving posts to other blog and will be deleting this one.

My blog is starting to slide away into the ether.

At one point I was in a much better place and my blog was growing. I wrote many posts a day as well as a devotional every day. I wrote thankfulness posts, etc. There were numerous stories and poems on my other blog. I still have 2 and the addresses are at the bottom in my signature.

Now my blog is slowing dying. I have some regulars still and I appreciate you guys hanging around even though I find it difficult at times to follow many blogs. I still get new followers, but I feel as if I am letting them down as well. I have to change things if I want to save it. It is so easy to just give up and I don’t want to do that. I worked hard for these 2 blogs only to let them die.

I am sure I have turned people away with my constant whining about my physical pains. They are far worse than my mental at this point. My bipolar is fairly stable and my panic and anxiety, though still around, are calmed some by the meds.

What to do about 2 dying blogs is my current problem. I am sure people are tired of reading about my health issues. I know I am tired of living through them and complaining about them sure isn’t helping me any either.

I miss my blogs, the old ones, the ones that people enjoyed reading because they were more than just my whining.

I definitely thank all of you or are standing by me and still here and those of you who are new I hope you can find something of interest to keep you coming back.

I have been sinking for a while and just not noticing it. It is time to bring these blogs back on board and give the people something worthwhile.

Comments are welcome. If you have a comment about what is happening here don’t be afraid to share it with me. Perhaps it is not too late to save my blogs.

Teresa (Tessa) Dean Smeigh

-Advocate for Mental and Invisible Illnesses

-Author of Articles, Stories and Poems

Not a good day, life just sucks and the only way out is not acceptable.

Days like these are when suicide does cross my mind.

I am in so much pain. 40 years of chronic pain and this being has finally hit enough already. When does the pain stop. Why am I in so much pain? So much for God’s plan. What the hell is it already that it demands I be in constant, gut wrenching PAIN?

I have to ration the few pain pills I have for sleep hours so I can finally drift off only to wake up as it wears off. I take another one and since I don’t have enough for 2 a day I am going to run out and then I don’t know where I will stand.

I didn’t cry much despite all this pain in the last 40 years, but enough is enough is enough already. I need a fucking break from all of this.

My pain management appointment isn’t until October 17 and will have no medicine unless the orthopedic dr will relent and write me another script for some more. I have a 13 page document to fill out just to go to this pain dr. Filling out paperwork drives me crazy. They don’t even read it. They just have to have it in the record, but 13 pages for crying out loud. And I have to agree to constant drug tests to make sure I am taking the medications they prescribe and of course I have to pay for it. If I fuck up and take more than the actual dose or less than I could fail the drug tests and be thrown out of the practice. I also could end up addicted to a narcotic and have to make sure I don’t lose my meds or mess up the dosage as I will have to go to the hospital for withdrawal. Another rule I have to sign for. All because people abuse the drugs those of us who need them have to suffer.

I don’t want to need these drugs. I take so many drugs now and really who wants more. I don’t get high off of them I get a little pain relief if that.

Teresa (Tessa) Dean Smeigh

-Advocate for Mental and Invisible Illnesses

-Author of Articles, Stories and Poems


Have to find my lost inspiration! Bipolar is just part of me, not all of me!

I blame so much on the bipolar disorder, but it is only part of it. I have lost most of my inspiration in life. Granted I never had much to begin with, but my writing is suffering, my blog is suffering. My family life is suffering and I just started to make amends with my children. I don’t want to die old and alone with no family.

I started the amends process last night. Lots of crying among us, but a start has been made and I have to admit my son is probably right when he says I am looking for attention. That I don’t feel real without it. I need validation.

Others suffer from things worse than me and go on with life. I use my mental and physical health as excuses. I am intuitive and I know things and could have made a great counselor if I had felt the need and desire.

I want to make a difference in people’s lives as well as my own. I have to start with me for the most part.

I need to bring God back into my life. I have even pushed him into the background. Blaming him for my misery. Life isn’t easy and getting back on track will take some work, but TESSA CAN DO IT!

Teresa (Tessa) Dean Smeigh

-Advocate for Mental and Invisible Illnesses

-Author of Articles, Stories and Poems

Repost — Sunday and my letter to my children about my Bipolar Disorder was published on Dear Hope

Dear Hope published my emotional letter to my children about my Bipolar Disorder. It makes my writing worthwhile to see it getting out there for others to see and to see that you can still raise children with Bipolar Disorder.

It wasn’t easy, but nothing worthwhile ever is.

I have been itching to get back into my writing again and I am slowly adding things to my 2 blogs. Not just about Bipolar in general, but my life in general and of course there is fiction too.

I thank all of my followers on both blogs for their support.

Thank you,

Tessa (Teresa Dean Smeigh)

Ordered my new glasses

I ordered my new glasses today. I don’t have insurance, but with the discount and coupon she found they came to $138 for regular lined bifocals.

I joined a Facebook group for the Keto diet I am following. I was thinking about maybe trying Atkin’s diet again and joined a group to see  how different they are. They were rude and threw me out because I sometimes only eat one meal a day which my doctor knows.

My Keto group is strict too, but they don’t throw people out they explain what they are doing wrong and what is against the group rules, but to just throw people out because of my choice of sometimes only eating one meal is ridiculous. I told her I didn’t need her group and I would stick with my Keto diet and group and if I want to follow Atkin’s diet on my own, I will.

I didn’t even have a chance to unjoin. She did it after her final dig at me.

Teresa (Tessa) Dean Smeigh

-Advocate for Mental and Invisible Illnesses

-Author of Articles, Stories and Poems