Category Archives: Feelings

21 Symptoms Kids With Fibromyalgia Had That Were Brushed Off as ‘Growing Pains’


21 Symptoms Kids With Fibromyalgia Had That Were Brushed Off as ‘Growing Pains’

Although I had most of these and didn’t know why, a few of them brought back memories. Doctors still don’t take us seriously and now we are adults.

Tessa – advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses, also devout Christian

Author – http://www.finallyawriter.wordpress.com (this blog contains my old work), new work is on this blog http://www.tessacandoit.com

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Bipolar in the workplace…


If you had asked me years ago while I was working I would have told you I was a great employee and most of the time I was. I had great work ethics and was polite and respectful.

However my bipolar mood swings hid my true work habits and even when brought up I didn’t really believe what I was being told.

I couldn’t focus. I was constantly day-dreaming and every review notated this. I didn’t believe them.

I was extremely emotional. I cried at the drop of a hat or if you looked at me sideways. When my supervisor took me to the manager and said “you deal with her, I can’t take it anymore!” it started slowly sinking in. I started thinking about it and then I started to become more aware of my behavior and was shocked. This was normal behavior for someone with bipolar disorder, but I didn’t notice it.

It is possible to hold a job with bipolar disorder, but it certainly isn’t easy. There were lots of other incidents and I now am aware of them. I am on disability now and 61 years old so close to retirement age anyhow. I know longer have the thinking abilities anymore to hold a job anyhow.

Tessa – advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses, also devout Christian

Author – http://www.finallyawriter.wordpress.com (this blog contains my old work), new work is on this blog http://www.tessacandoit.com

 

They egged my car AGAIN!


I have lived here since 2004 and this is the 2nd or 3rd time it has happened. I don’t know why. There were other cars on the street as well and one time they threw glass bottles under the car and my old (as in very old age) neighbor helped me pick up the glass and had called to let me know before I came out and drove away on top of the glass. I couldn’t see them from my house.

My son quipped, “if they throw eggs scramble them!” I retorted, “I prefer my eggs on a plate!”

There were some fancy, expensive cars on the road with mine, but it was me they aimed at.

My pain is getting worse and it will be several weeks to over a month until I can be rescheduled since I had gotten sick before the last procedure. I had a taste of no pain for a while, but now it is back. I lie down for quite a while when I can although that does tend to make me stiff.

My friend and I have switched our brunch day to Sundays rather than Saturdays. Less crowded and better vibes. We were getting aggravated on Saturdays.

Still waiting for the bankruptcy to go forward. I am very anxious. Working on not spending money and wasting gas if I don’t have to go anywhere. Working on setting up a budget as well.

Tessa – advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses, also devout Christian

Author – http://www.finallyawriter.wordpress.com (this blog contains my old work), new work is on this blog http://www.tessacandoit.com

 

Changing life


I slept all day after a lousy night, in which I couldn’t stop shaking. Dad said I could put the little heater on again. I forgot a whole pain pill time and combined with the lack of arthritis meds made it hard to move. Hours later and I am finally able to move. I didn’t even dress today. I am still in my flannel pjs.

Due to the snow we are not going to brunch again on Saturday. Maybe we will try Sunday.

December 16, 2017

Can’t sleep since I slept all day. I skipped a complete dose of percocets and was starting into detox. Quick got one in as I mentioned earlier.

Later in the day I checked my mail and I had a list of senior and disabled housing (not all subsidized) from the Division of Senior Services. My insurance provided me with a social worker and she asked me about my needs and fears so she gave me numbers and info and then even called them for me. It is a long list almost 2 full pages, but not all of them say subsidized on them and I hope all the ones listed under Gloucester County Housing are covered by the application I already filled out and have a confirmation number for.

I feel hopeful right now even though I know they have waiting lists. They are for seniors 62 (I am 61 til October) and/or the disabled (BINGO). I do dread the thought of filling out tons of applications right now.

It is nice to feel that surge of hope running through me since this bankruptcy has me really kind of down. Hopefully the bankruptcy won’t stop me from being eligible.

I am cooking dinner and writing this at the same time since I can carry the chromebook around.

I contacted Laura, my psych nurse, about changing my appointment and she says I am currently stable enough to wait several months, plus she knows I keep her advised as to how I am feeling.

I am starting to get used to cooking dinner again. I understand the seriousness of my situation and it is starting to sink in. Right now I am cooking bacon and eggs. First time in a long time I cooked the bacon in a pan and will use the juices (fat) to cook the eggs in.

I have been forgetting a pain pill, well actually sleeping through it. I feel the beginnings of detox and take it right away. Sugar numbers have been low and occasionally too low.

Tessa – advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses, also devout Christian

Author – http://www.finallyawriter.wordpress.com (this blog contains my old work), new work is on this blog http://www.tessacandoit.com

 

Bankruptcy is not easy or cheap


Eventually this should pay off, but right now it is downright difficult. Everytime I turn around there is another fee, some of which might be waived. Then they want more paperwork. The letter claims we discussed it, but I don’t remember it. I don’t know if it is my anxiety stopping me from remembering or the lawyer doing his standing thing without really having said it, but just thought he did, plus I have been through this before back in 2004.

Confused? Join the club.

In order to pay these additional fees I have to cancel all my dr appointments for the next couple of months. And that is just the the normal fees. If one or more of the creditors want to sue me, I would have to retain him at his hourly rate to have him defend me. That is not cheap. He charges $350 for each billable hour.

Of course I am anxious and can’t get his assistant on the phone. I am surprised I slept at all last night.

Tessa – advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses, also devout Christian

Author – http://www.finallyawriter.wordpress.com (this blog contains my old work), new work is on this blog http://www.tessacandoit.com

Still struggling with Chromebook


My typing is getting worse. It was bad enough,but now I have to get used to a new keyboard.

Tomorrow I have my appointment with the lawyer. Anxiety growing.

Pain is increasing and my next epidural steroid shot is the 12th, One week from today. At least it isn’t as bad as the first time. This pain is less.

My next project is to learn how to print from here and redo the documents I need. I can’t just copy them over as far as I know, I don’t believe Google or Office are compatible. I have a dummies book and you.tube to help me.

Tessa

Financial Woes


People have heard me mention my finances. As time goes on the situation gets worse. I get a small check from the government (SSDI) and have more bills than income. I have been using my credit cards almost to the max now.

I called my bankruptcy lawyer this morning and I will start the process. I also have to make a very tight budget. Times will be tough. Food will be the hardest since with the Diabetes I can’t just eat junk because it is cheap.

I knew this was coming just kept hoping for a miracle.

Tessa