Category Archives: Gratitude Post

I know what you are thinking – where the hell has she been?

My life was turned upside down and still isn’t completely righted yet.

Not sure what I did write so some of this may be repeated.

Around January 12, I was treated for a urinary tract infection and yeast infection. The start of my antibiotic roll.

On January 20 I woke up and felt really funny. I struggled to the bathroom and was standing by my emergency call bell, but my mind was on the fact that the bed seemed a hundred miles away and still moving. I couldn’t catch it. I looked at the phone, but my mind couldn’t comprehend what the phone would/could do and who should I call in the middle of the night and why. Still forgetting the call button at my side I started that long trek to my bed and reached out to pull the emergency button by my bed and passed out.

Luckily the guard was still on duty. I was non-responsive. He called the ambulance. They struggled to get me to wake up enough to walk to the stretcher since I was in a strange position on the bed and the couldn’t get the stretcher beside me. I remember very little of this day. I was rushed to the hospital. It was freezing out and I had on a T-shirt and shorts and bare feet.

Next, I recall my clothes being pulled off and a burning sensation that I later learned was a drug test. Unbeknownst to me, I was exhibiting drug overdose symptoms and sure enough, they found narcotics in me since I take 4 a day for pain. They started the drug overdose protocol and the Narcan being administered was horrendous. My daughter was watching this and crying. Each dose shocked me briefly into consciousness and then back out I would go. After a couple of doses I was awake long enough to understand that the next dose might very well throw me into withdrawal. However, since my kidneys were shutting down and my blood pressure was under 50 which is very low and dangerous they were more focused on that and they just told me to prepare myself because if I go into withdrawal I am going to be in terrible pain. They were pumping me full of liquids trying to force my kidneys to function but they weren’t cooperating and I didn’t even feel an urge to go. The next dose I got I shot out of the bed screaming in pain and crying about the pain in my chest. They did an EKG to make sure it wasn’t my heart and then went about trying to get me to wake up fully and get my kidneys to function and my blood pressure back to normal or at least higher than it was. Finally, my kidneys started to function and all that liquid was released and pushing through my kidneys. Blood pressure rose some and they decided I didn’t need to go to the ICU. I was put in a regular room with the ICU on standby.

I didn’t overdose on purpose. Due to kidney failure my narcotics were not flushing out so as I continued to take my normal dose they built up and thank God I woke up for whatever reason and realized something wasn’t right and pulled the emergency button before I passed out.

At one point in my life, I tried to overdose and didn’t take enough so that was my wake up call. I sure as hell do not want to do that again. They sent me home the next day with antibiotics for the bronchitis I had. Unfortunately it was very serious and my asthma complicated it and I was back in the hospital for a total of 10 days with antibiotics in my IV and orally. Pumped full of Prednisone which since it was a steroid it sent my blood sugars soaring. Came home on that. Plus all the breathing treatments and a new one and found out they contain steroids, some of them anyhow and my sugars all this time later are still out of whack.

Because of this I have home health care which is helping me apply for medicaid which is help I can really use. Dressing myself and bathing is downright difficult and since I have a bath tub and not a walk in shower I need help. Embarrassing, but I got over it. It is nice having help. Hopefully I will be approved for this long-term with a ton of paperwork to fill out.

So anyway I haven’t been around or up to writing. I am still recuperating.

Tessa – 

Advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses, also a devout Christian

Author – (this blog contains my old work mostly although occasionally I do add something new here), new work is mainly on this blog

Author of a book, a work in progress on the blog,

Highlighted chapters are done and ready to be read.

Major Blood Sugar Drop to 50, 70 is considered low

I had a major drop today and felt like I was going to pass out. Glucose tablets weren’t working and I felt worse so I actually ate some carbs which is not recommended by the group I am in.

Now it is 3 AM and my sugar is 233 so I took some insulin and some low carb food to attempt to bring it down some without going too far. It is a nasty merry-go-round sometimes. The endocrinologist doesn’t want me to go below 100 to 170 which is simply too high for a diabetic. It leads to more meds and body damage that you hear about. If you talk to long time diabetics they know that the recommended amounts are too high and cause damage. However, one of the possible side effects with keeping our numbers in check is lows. I was doing really good there for a few weeks now I have an occasional low which usually isn’t too bad, but this 50 was stubborn and refusing to come up at first and then even though I was at 84 finally I still felt like passing out so I had a couple of mini cookies. Eventually it did come up and is now 233. So totally the wrong way and out of control tonight.

I hate playing this game. It is dangerous and we are subjected to damage such as eye loss, diabetic neuropathy,  amputation and our body organs shutting down from high sugars. The trick is keeping them down without going too low. Epic fail tonight.

Add to that the pain I am in. I don’t understand how you can take a higher dose of pain meds and still feel worse than you did on the lower dose. Plus still trying to get my arthritis meds refilled. I think that is part of it. Then of course, there is the lovely Fibromyalgia. It is flaring big time right now.

I am back to wanting to cry again the pain is so intense, my diabetes is already out of control and I haven’t had the steroids yet which are going to raise them super high and nothing I can do about that because those injections are necessary. I refuse to let this diabetes beat me. Diabetics so often die young because of uncontrolled blood sugars, but my doctor wants me to keep my numbers higher to avoid the lows, but if I do that I risk other problems

Oh and I got my EOB on my prescriptions and my fast acting Novolog taken with  meals is over $2000 for 3 months and the slow acting is almost $500 just for one month so $1500 for 3 months. The needles are over $152 for 90 days and the strips are another high number which I have forgotten. If I didn’t have extra help from the state I couldn’t even take them or any meds, Currently they aren’t charging me a copay for the meds at all thank God!

Hopefully my therapist and I will be working on positivity. I need it. Anything at all happens and I immediately go to the negative side. Can’t see the positive til maybe later if things work out which thankfully they usually do.

Teresa (Tessa) Dean Smeigh

-Advocate for Mental and Invisible Illnesses

-Author of Articles, Stories and Poems (moving posts to other blog and will be deleting this one).

A refund?? I am thankful.

How often to medical companies refund if you overpay. I thought I did, but I didn’t have proof handy so when they sent me another bill. I called because I was told I was now paid in full. To my surprise they are sending me a refund. The hospital did that too when  my charity covered my recent stay and ER visits. When I was approved I got it back. I am used to fighting for my refunds.

Today I am thankful.

Teresa (Tessa) Dean Smeigh

-Advocate For Mental And Invisible Illnesses

-Author Of Articles, Stories And Poems

To my followers.

I am grateful for each and every one of you. I am afraid that I can’t read each and every post and many I miss. I am sorry for that. I thank you for reading my posts anyhow. I feel blessed to have you all as friends, not just followers.

Teresa (Tessa) Dean Smeigh

-Advocate For Mental And Invisible Illnesses

-Author Of Articles, Stories And Poems

Healthy Eating

My sugars are out of control and run from 250 to 350 fasting. Not good!

So besides the talk with my doctor who may or may not do anything. If he didn’t I wouldn’t be surprised. He hasn’t been particularly helpful up  to now.

So I got vegetables and fruits. I also got some chocolate milk. I don’t drink milk unless it is thickly chocolate. This is 1% and I figured I would hate it, but it wasn’t that bad and so I can drink a little milk. I know I have to watch the sugar content. I need diabetes nutrition classes again. I don’t remember  much from my original classes many years ago.

Got my walk in. Trip around Walmart and the trip in from the parking lot. Lots of walking, but surprisingly it isn’t too bad on the pain side. Sleeping last night was so painful and getting out of bed was hard and I lose my balance and crash into something all the time.

Praise be the Lord and thank you for a day less all the pain.


Fasting numbers still high

My fasting number this morning was 216. Definitely still high although better then the 300 plus the hospital was getting. Have a few weeks to wait to see the PCP and whether he is going to do something this time or I have to demand treatment and/or get a endocrinologist. I have so many drs in my life. Half I don’t see right now thankfully, but I need a few more as more and more things go wrong with my health.

Tonight I go to the chiropractor and must remember to tell him that I had a Lymes test done. He is one of the drs insisting I have Lymes Disease. Actually I just called his office and left a message in case I forget.

I do thank the Lord for giving me my life back and for allowing me to continue with his plan for my life.

Praise the Lord,



Paying for yesterday

As some of you read I walked yesterday more than my doctor has recommended and that I can do without major pain the next day.

Sure enough last night into this morning the pain has been tremendous. I couldn’t get comfortable in bed. Every movement brought pain and I have no real pain meds. I use Ibuprofen and Meloxicam.

I am thankful not to be in a wheelchair, but unless things improve that option will be coming down the road. I am working on the 5 minute walking in the hopes of improving some of these joints so I can use them without major pain. I would like to walk again. I spent our time at Disney World in a wheelchair as that was entirely too much walking at once. The dash across the airport 4 times was no fun either. I was so far behind and dragging slower and slower. Here I am walking and dragging a walk-on suitcase and a tote bag. Kids couldn’t help, they had their own to worry about.





I am thankful for:

I am thankful for:

I can’t fit a desk in this room which I need and I was fit to be tied, but Dad had a hospital bed tray on wheels that he wasn’t using.

It works perfect. I can move it to either side. I can move it down to end of bed and use as a regular desk. I can push it against the one window once all the boxes are gone.

My calendar fits on it great and I can write on it and see it easily. Can even write on top or move the calendar off for a project.

Especially important as I have to start doing my article research a different way. I can write on here if needed while my article stays up on the computer. Some of you know about my recent fiasco. I don’t need another one. I also have to redo those topics if I still want to use my older stories in my files. I don’t need a repeat and writing while under the influence of psychiatric drugs is bad news.