Just came from my Endo appt and I am about to spit nails. Man he pissed me off. He is fine with the Keto/low carb diet, but he wants my numbers above 100. I want them lower/normal. He said no because I might have a low if I aim for those numbers. I said at 140 damage is being done right? He said yes. So why do you want my numbers higher. Because you MIGHT go low. Might, good grief. I might die tomorrow too, I might lose my eyesight (already have some damage), I might lose a limb (I definitely have neuropathy – had nerve test this morning). An awful lot of mights out there, but I want to spare myself that. He told me I was a perfectionist and yes I am and that he wished more of his patients were like me (huh?), but he wants me between 100 and 150 fasting and 100 and 170 for lunch, dinner, and bedtime. My numbers support this WOE works. A1c down 2 points to 6.9 and my average numbers 2 months ago were 179 and now are 117.
My bipolar was starting to rage and I had to shut up before I said something I would regret. I backed down, but he told me the ADA’s diet is good because most people are diagnosed when they are eating 200-300 carbs per day so their diet is good if you look at it that way. Thing is they keep it that high. They don’t work at bringing them down. I will continue eating this way and aiming for 80 or so and he will have to deal with it if I decide to even tell him. Although he did raise my fast-acting insulin by 1 point per sliding number, but told me not to increase the Tresiba slow-acting to help bring them down. Talk about twilight zone.
My scale budged downward 2 lbs. Does not mean it won’t go back up, but it is the first downward movement I have had.
I pledge to be held accountable for my health. I will exercise (silver sneakers at a local health club), eat right and cut out sugar, get rid of the insulin and diabetes pills and eliminate my diabetes entirely and lose weight so I can get rid of my myriad other illnesses and pills.
It starts the same way for all of us. We are born as infants fully reliant on our parents or caregivers to supply our every need. We slowly begin to develop both physically and mentally and begin to integrate our existence with the lives of others. We develop these skills as a result of nurturing or the innate will for instinctive survival.
At some point during this developmental phase we approach a fork in the road. Some follow the fork that leads to new opportunities for growth and personal development; others maintain the only path they have ever known, the path of simple survival.
As we traverse these two paths, the experiences we encounter lead to the development of our CHARACTER. This, in essence, is the integration of all our experiences resulting in the principles we follow to live our lives. These experiences shape our morals, and ethics providing…
Yesterday’s experiment with lunch and treat was probably high sugars, but I didn’t check. I repeated the experiment today (I mean the day before) and yesterday. It is 5:30 AM now and technically the next day. This time I checked my blood sugars afterwards. It was 3 hours so they had already started on their way down and it was 364, not good at all.
I went to bed last night at 10 PM and actually slept fitfully, but made myself stay in bed until I fell back asleep. I woke up at 5 AM and had to eat. So I checked my blood sugar and it was 118 and then had a breakfast bowl with my diabetic meds. I have to take my thyroid meds later on when my stomach is empty. I know freshly cooked is better, but not ready for that yet. One change at a time.
Now if I could eliminate the nasty dreams I would probably sleep better. They wake me up, but the anti-psychotic I just stopped taking that cause the extra insomnia is starting to leave my system. I will be staying on the old one I have been taking all along and nothing else until she comes back from vacation in mid-August. That will get it out of my system before starting a new one. Whatever that may be. Running out of meds to try.
I have been binge watching CSI:Miami. I have a crush on David Caruso. I could watch him for hours. Another married man. I need to find a man around here that is not married and wants a relationship. We talked about relationships in therapy yesterday. I am a little afraid of starting over again. I have had nothing, but bad luck with men ever since the disastrous marriage. Never had good luck. So my David Caruso fantasies will have to work for now. Even I know a man is not going to drop in through the ceiling so I have to leave the house to find one. One step at a time. Healthy life first. I choose to be well now. I can’t wait to see how far I get.