Category Archives: Life

Changing life

I slept all day after a lousy night, in which I couldn’t stop shaking. Dad said I could put the little heater on again. I forgot a whole pain pill time and combined with the lack of arthritis meds made it hard to move. Hours later and I am finally able to move. I didn’t even dress today. I am still in my flannel pjs.

Due to the snow we are not going to brunch again on Saturday. Maybe we will try Sunday.

December 16, 2017

Can’t sleep since I slept all day. I skipped a complete dose of percocets and was starting into detox. Quick got one in as I mentioned earlier.

Later in the day I checked my mail and I had a list of senior and disabled housing (not all subsidized) from the Division of Senior Services. My insurance provided me with a social worker and she asked me about my needs and fears so she gave me numbers and info and then even called them for me. It is a long list almost 2 full pages, but not all of them say subsidized on them and I hope all the ones listed under Gloucester County Housing are covered by the application I already filled out and have a confirmation number for.

I feel hopeful right now even though I know they have waiting lists. They are for seniors 62 (I am 61 til October) and/or the disabled (BINGO). I do dread the thought of filling out tons of applications right now.

It is nice to feel that surge of hope running through me since this bankruptcy has me really kind of down. Hopefully the bankruptcy won’t stop me from being eligible.

I am cooking dinner and writing this at the same time since I can carry the chromebook around.

I contacted Laura, my psych nurse, about changing my appointment and she says I am currently stable enough to wait several months, plus she knows I keep her advised as to how I am feeling.

I am starting to get used to cooking dinner again. I understand the seriousness of my situation and it is starting to sink in. Right now I am cooking bacon and eggs. First time in a long time I cooked the bacon in a pan and will use the juices (fat) to cook the eggs in.

I have been forgetting a pain pill, well actually sleeping through it. I feel the beginnings of detox and take it right away. Sugar numbers have been low and occasionally too low.

Tessa – advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses, also devout Christian

Author – (this blog contains my old work), new work is on this blog



Bankruptcy is not easy or cheap

Eventually this should pay off, but right now it is downright difficult. Everytime I turn around there is another fee, some of which might be waived. Then they want more paperwork. The letter claims we discussed it, but I don’t remember it. I don’t know if it is my anxiety stopping me from remembering or the lawyer doing his standing thing without really having said it, but just thought he did, plus I have been through this before back in 2004.

Confused? Join the club.

In order to pay these additional fees I have to cancel all my dr appointments for the next couple of months. And that is just the the normal fees. If one or more of the creditors want to sue me, I would have to retain him at his hourly rate to have him defend me. That is not cheap. He charges $350 for each billable hour.

Of course I am anxious and can’t get his assistant on the phone. I am surprised I slept at all last night.

Tessa – advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses, also devout Christian

Author – (this blog contains my old work), new work is on this blog

My chromebook now prints

What a task. It took many websites through Google and 20 or so different sites to put together a procedure that worked and it now prints. First I had to get my printer hooked up to our WIFI network. I couldn’t do it at first when I installed it for my old computer. So googled there too since the directions didn’t work.

I am slowly learning the more important tasks with the “Dummies” book, and googling.

Tessa – advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses, also devout Christian

Author – (this blog contains my old work, new work is on this blog

Have to cancel epidural due to possible bronchitis and the start of pneumonia

They can’t take a chance on infection getting into my spine, I was wheezing but didn’t realize it wasn’t my asthma.


Fibromyalgia Dizziness, Balance and Falls

Dizziness is one of my regular problems and I injure myself frequently.

Please forgive me if this link doesn’t work. I am still having problems learning how to use it. It doesn’t work like a desktop pc.


New Chromebook

My 2 year old desktop has pretty much had it. My dad suggested a Chromebook. Has some limitations and some good things. I will eventually get used to it and it isn’t exactly like a lap top. Everything is done on the web and no Microsoft programs. Have to find equivalents in Google to use.

I got the Kindle book “Chromebooks for Dummies” and it has helped some.


Tessa’s Haiku # 2 – November 9, 2017


So I let my mind wander and it envisioned a white doctor’s coat. Care to join me? Just leave yours in the message area if you do.

There is no deadline as I write as the feeling strikes me. I even get out of bed and write when the spirit moves me. My only requirement is that it deals with a train somewhere. I may write more than one a day or skip a day or two. Join me if you wish.

By Tessa Smeigh November 2017

appointment today

psychiatric discussion

finally stable

Teresa (Tessa) Dean Smeigh

-Advocate for Mental and Invisible Illnesses

-Author of Articles, Stories and Poems (no longer canceling this blog, just not adding new work to it, sign up for for the new posts).