I just went through quite a scary dream cycle. I am up even though I am tired because I don’t need that again. The little light I have is worth less. It was dark in here and the sleep music didn’t help. I think I made everything worse.
Just remember I am sleep blogging again. Anything is liable to come out. If I knew the secret to the world’s peace you could probably just ask nice for it. Shame I don’t know it. Nor more fighting sounds like a great idea to me, but then I’m a lover not a fighter. That has snuck out of my mouth a few times so you guys know my secrets anyhow. I am open and tell the world.
Full of typos and the wrong words, but I can’t get that dream out of my mind and I was trying to kill someone. That is so not me. At least it wasn’t my ex-Jerk. No he usually tries to kill me.
I am craving food. Have none. Didn’t have enough for dinner, my only meal and a pack of peanut butter crackers.
My head hurts where I teared at the scabs that were already bloody. I have to stop this. I am so lucky not to have had an infection in my head from scab ripping off and on my hands from ripping the skin off. Both disgusting self-harm techniques I have had most of life alone with pulling out my hair and biting my arm or hand to form teeth marks.
Dear God get this dream out of my head. My anxiety is heading off the charts and the more it does the more I self-harm.
At my chiropractor’s appointment he informed me I have an irregular shaped mark on my back and it needs to be checked out. Just one more issue. I already have to change my cat scan and my appointment to next month maybe. No extra $200 floating about this month. Now he thinks I need to go to the dermatologist and he is worried about skin cancer. I can’t even see it. My dad confirmed it is there. I have to see if my old dermatologist is on my insurance or I will need a new one and of course the ever-annoying referral for everything just about.
My son will be working this weekend. He found a 2 day job from a temp agency. He is working here and there, but he will need something steady soon. He is working his way through the money he had saved. The weekend will be weird with him going out to work in the afternoon til finish. He was offered an old job back again, but he said no. I said why I love the smell of chocolate. He came home smelling like a chocolate bar. He didn’t see the humor.
I should put my energy into reading emails. Over 2000. Don’t be surprised if something goes unanswered. There is not enough time in a day to go through all of them. I love my growing blogs, but it makes things harder to keep up and I haven’t kept up in months probably. Good and bad with everything.
I managed to wake myself up, but still have dreams running through my head. Maybe I should take a sleep pill and go back to bed in a little bit. It takes a while to work. I put a different relaxation music on.
The cat is driving me crazy again. She is a night prowler. I need to turn the lights out and climb in bed to get her to go downstairs and prowl.
Alright I will go back to reading again for a while.