Tag Archives: Family

Must use walker at all times


Doctor says I am a fall risk, duh! I was told to use the walker at all times and that included inside my apartment where I usually hobbled about. Finally getting used to it. I was leaving it all over the place LOL! Most of my falls, although not all of them have been in my apartment.

Started the application process for state aid (medicaid) and what a pain it is. Tons of paperwork. Designed to get you to quit most likely.

Pain management doctor took my Percocets away which I figured would happen. I was thinking of not mentioning what happened, but my daughters told me to tell her. What happened was serious. So she told me to cut them in half and she was going to prescribe Nucynta. Problem is the insurance company is fighting it. So I am in more pain because of the half of pill and if she doesn’t get it approved soon I am going to run out of them and I don’t know if the smaller dose would cause withdrawal or not. Of course, the doctor is not returning my phone calls. Even if I get the Nucynta I have to start out on a very small dose so don’t know how much pain relief  I might have anyhow. Chronic pain sucks.

My children have decided that it is too dangerous for me to live alone. Doesn’t leave a lot of options. None of them have room for me and that leaves long term care in a nursing home or assisted living, but that would be expensive since medicaid will cover the medical part, but not a living facility. And the nurse from medicaid that did my assessment agrees with my kids on the living alone part. I have lived alone exactly 3 years in my life total. The nurse is putting me down as needing help in many areas. Now just have to get through the medicaid part which can take months and constant requests for this or that paper. My sister just did it for my dad who is in a long term care facility for his stroke and dementia. This is a different program though.

Tessa – 

Advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses, also a devout Christian

Author – http://www.finallyawriter.com (this blog contains my old work mostly although occasionally I do add something new here), new work is mainly on this blog http://www.tessacandoit.com

Author of a book, a work in progress on the blog, https://tessacandoit.com/government-property-a-memoir-as-a-military-wife/

Highlighted chapters are done and ready to be read.

I know what you are thinking – where the hell has she been?


My life was turned upside down and still isn’t completely righted yet.

Not sure what I did write so some of this may be repeated.

Around January 12, I was treated for a urinary tract infection and yeast infection. The start of my antibiotic roll.

On January 20 I woke up and felt really funny. I struggled to the bathroom and was standing by my emergency call bell, but my mind was on the fact that the bed seemed a hundred miles away and still moving. I couldn’t catch it. I looked at the phone, but my mind couldn’t comprehend what the phone would/could do and who should I call in the middle of the night and why. Still forgetting the call button at my side I started that long trek to my bed and reached out to pull the emergency button by my bed and passed out.

Luckily the guard was still on duty. I was non-responsive. He called the ambulance. They struggled to get me to wake up enough to walk to the stretcher since I was in a strange position on the bed and the couldn’t get the stretcher beside me. I remember very little of this day. I was rushed to the hospital. It was freezing out and I had on a T-shirt and shorts and bare feet.

Next, I recall my clothes being pulled off and a burning sensation that I later learned was a drug test. Unbeknownst to me, I was exhibiting drug overdose symptoms and sure enough, they found narcotics in me since I take 4 a day for pain. They started the drug overdose protocol and the Narcan being administered was horrendous. My daughter was watching this and crying. Each dose shocked me briefly into consciousness and then back out I would go. After a couple of doses I was awake long enough to understand that the next dose might very well throw me into withdrawal. However, since my kidneys were shutting down and my blood pressure was under 50 which is very low and dangerous they were more focused on that and they just told me to prepare myself because if I go into withdrawal I am going to be in terrible pain. They were pumping me full of liquids trying to force my kidneys to function but they weren’t cooperating and I didn’t even feel an urge to go. The next dose I got I shot out of the bed screaming in pain and crying about the pain in my chest. They did an EKG to make sure it wasn’t my heart and then went about trying to get me to wake up fully and get my kidneys to function and my blood pressure back to normal or at least higher than it was. Finally, my kidneys started to function and all that liquid was released and pushing through my kidneys. Blood pressure rose some and they decided I didn’t need to go to the ICU. I was put in a regular room with the ICU on standby.

I didn’t overdose on purpose. Due to kidney failure my narcotics were not flushing out so as I continued to take my normal dose they built up and thank God I woke up for whatever reason and realized something wasn’t right and pulled the emergency button before I passed out.

At one point in my life, I tried to overdose and didn’t take enough so that was my wake up call. I sure as hell do not want to do that again. They sent me home the next day with antibiotics for the bronchitis I had. Unfortunately it was very serious and my asthma complicated it and I was back in the hospital for a total of 10 days with antibiotics in my IV and orally. Pumped full of Prednisone which since it was a steroid it sent my blood sugars soaring. Came home on that. Plus all the breathing treatments and a new one and found out they contain steroids, some of them anyhow and my sugars all this time later are still out of whack.

Because of this I have home health care which is helping me apply for medicaid which is help I can really use. Dressing myself and bathing is downright difficult and since I have a bath tub and not a walk in shower I need help. Embarrassing, but I got over it. It is nice having help. Hopefully I will be approved for this long-term with a ton of paperwork to fill out.

So anyway I haven’t been around or up to writing. I am still recuperating.

Tessa – 

Advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses, also a devout Christian

Author – http://www.finallyawriter.com (this blog contains my old work mostly although occasionally I do add something new here), new work is mainly on this blog http://www.tessacandoit.com

Author of a book, a work in progress on the blog, https://tessacandoit.com/government-property-a-memoir-as-a-military-wife/

Highlighted chapters are done and ready to be read.

Family Christmas 2019


Dad and I

4 generations of family

Tessa – 

Advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses, also a devout Christian

Author – http://www.finallyawriter.com (this blog contains my old work mostly although occasionally I do add something new here), new work is mainly on this blog http://www.tessacandoit.com

Author of a book, a work in progress on the blog, https://tessacandoit.com/government-property-a-memoir-as-a-military-wife/

Highlighted chapters are done and ready to be read.

Ow!! My son is torturing me!


He is not purposely torturing me, just wanted to get your attention.

However, he is enforcing my doctor’s requirements. He just got his personal training certification and he knows more about my situation and agrees with the doctors.

Every day I get:

  1. did you take your medicine?
  2. did you drink the required amount of water?
  3. and then he drags me out to walk whether I want to or not.

He hates all the medications I take. He thinks I shouldn’t be taking them and he won’t even put aspirin in his body. He tells me I am always drugged up and slurring my words. He parks way far from where we are going and makes me walk. I have a handicapped placard. He rarely lets me use it. He plans to study more on nutrition. I get that from him too. I know I shouldn’t be eating like I do.

I am complaining, but he is doing it for my own good and I love him for it.

Tessa

Advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses, also a devout Christian

Author – http://www.finallyawriter.com (this blog contains my old work mostly although occasionally I do add something new here), new work is mainly on this blog http://www.tessacandoit.com

Owwiiee! The torture continues!


Now I know he is doing this for my own good and maybe some day I will thank him, but right now I want to go ape shit on him. He is lucky he is my son and therefore a loved one because my doctors gets it full feelings in my funny/sarcastic way. Or perhaps at the top of my lungs depending on my mood. My psycho-therapist and I have had shouting matches. I am stubborn too so that doesn’t help when I get an idea in my head.

Yesterday’s walk was too much and today I am paying for it. I have severe back pain and spasms. Seems to me I got the last spasms from him making me walk. Now we only walked .4 miles and about 15 minutes the doctor’s requirement, but I can’t start that high. 5 minutes tops the first few days. So my son has decided if I am going to go only 5 minutes then I have to do it every day no matter what. I don’t see it that way and I count the walks through the grocery stores and the hike from the car. He doesn’t.

Now that he is a certified personal trainer I am really in trouble. He had to study nutrition with that and so my diet is under siege. Now I know I should eat better. I am overweight and have Diabetes Type 2. I know from experience that losing just 20 or so lbs can make a difference in my blood pressure and glucose numbers. I need to lose 120 lbs to get back to my regular body weight for my size (super short).

Now one of the ways the fibro doctors think helps the pain is to eliminate carbohydrates, white flour products (I think there is something else, but have forgotten it) and gluten from your diet. There goes everything I eat. I hate foods that are GOOD for you. Really hate them and add that to my compulsive eating which is of course everything that is bad for me and I eat from boredom, pain or whatever. I have no self control in a depressed state for sure. I don’t care! Manic I am more apt to follow the daily recommended diet.

Now the good thing about this is that I have a guardian now, which I really needed. He doesn’t buy my excuses and he knows that most of them are excuses. I will admit that. I am good for making excuses. I am also lazy, undisciplined and used to people leaving me alone. When your son lives with you it doesn’t work that way.

Tessa

Advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses, also a devout Christian

Author – http://www.finallyawriter.com (this blog contains my old work mostly although occasionally I do add something new here), new work is mainly on this blog http://www.tessacandoit.com

Another member of our family – Dash – 2015


Dash

This is our dog Dash!

Dash came from a local rescue center. He is my dad’s dog more than mine. I have the cat. Update – dad in long term care and Dash is with one of dad’s friends who brings him to visit occasionally and I ended up giving the cat to my son, she preferred him.

Tessa

Advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses, also a devout Christian

Author – http://www.finallyawriter.com (this blog contains my old work mostly although occasionally I do add something new here), new work is mainly on this blog http://www.tessacandoit.com

Terrified! – 2015


I just woke up from some very terrifying dreams/hallucinations or you can laugh if you want a ghost. My whole family believes in ghosts, my mother was a medium and I have been plagued with seeing things since I was young. Could it have been the Bipolar Disorder instead? Then I would have to say that the whole family is plagued by it and I don’t see that. But that is a whole other story. Right now I am dealing with a loss of reality at times. I don’t always feel asleep.

Today was the worst. I couldn’t wake myself up, part of the time I felt awake and that I really and truly heard and saw things. I get a feeling of evil in my mind. Is it in my mind or is it real? Am I losing touch with reality again? I have a little before but this is way past that.

I have told my doctors, but they don’t seem extra concerned, but then the nightmares that I have discussed are family of sorts and they are trying to kill me, every damn night. My doctor says this won’t go away until I forgive the person. I can’t see that happening since the incident happened many years ago when I was a child and I am 62 now. Don’t think forgiving is happening.

But now I hear people calling my name, touching me (ick), and just plain crazy stuff and I can’t wake up if I am asleep. Don’t know what is happening to me. I don’t want to go back to the hospital again. That was horrendous on its own.

Oh I know this sounds crazy and I have to email my psyche nurse who prescribes my medications. Is it them? Is it me? Is it a ghost? I don’t think that person is really trying to kill me. And now my whole family is involved in these crazy dreams.

Tessa

Advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses, also a devout Christian

Author – http://www.finallyawriter.com (this blog contains my old work mostly although occasionally I do add something new here), new work is mainly on this blog http://www.tessacandoit.com