Tag Archives: Feelings

Tomorrow Afternoon I Finally See Pain Management


It has been a long painful wait, but it is finally here. I am nervous about what decisions may or may not be made. Wondering if I will be sent to a neurosurgeon or just have steroid epidurals.

I am working on changing everything to the new bank. The biggest thing being my social security disability check. The bank said usually they are able to make the change themselves, but gave me paperwork in case I have to do it by hand myself.

I would have stayed with the old bank, but due to financial reasons I have to leave there and break the ties. I will still being doing business with them for a bit, but then I won’t and leaving then won’t be such a good idea. So breaking ties as soon as possible. Shopped around for the bank that was similar to them. I prefer my old bank, but I will get used to the new one soon.

I think I will try the bank’s bill pay. I didn’t trust the concept and working in the online department let me know things that could go wrong. I now have automatic withdrawals and I might as well have one place to pay all the bills instead of going to each site and make a payment. Sometimes I just don’t trust technology.

The pain is back again today. Yesterday was just a break I guess. A welcome one at that.

Teresa (Tessa) Dean Smeigh

-Advocate for Mental and Invisible Illnesses

-Author of Articles, Stories and Poems

http://www.tessacandoit.com

http://www.finallyawriter.wordpress.com (moving posts to other blog and will be deleting this one).

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The pain has lessened some…


I have to admit that the pain has lessened some. Certainly not gone and still need the pain pills, but there is some relief since yesterday.

Now I just can’t sleep as this whole thing has messed up my sleep cycle since I would sleep when I took the pain pill and had some relief, enough to let me sleep.

I paid bills today and that is almost done for the month. What is left will go on the credit cards. It is only a way to slow down the fact that I will have to file for bankruptcy especially with all this medical going on.

Teresa (Tessa) Dean Smeigh

-Advocate for Mental and Invisible Illnesses

-Author of Articles, Stories and Poems

http://www.tessacandoit.com

http://www.finallyawriter.wordpress.com (moving posts to other blog and will be deleting this one).

Religious Devotions – October 15, 2017 by Teresa Smeigh


bible-706662_1280

He Died on the Cross For Us

I will follow wherever you lead, my Lord!

By Teresa Smeigh

Ask for What You Want from the Lord!


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Matthew 7:11 NLT

“How much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask Him.”

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Not only does He help you pray, but He will show you what to pray for to remain on His path for your life. God wants you to know his will. He is more motivated to show you his way to your path than you are.

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Dear Father,

Thank you for loving, protecting and providing for me.

Amen

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you! I Corinthians 6:23

 

Teresa (Tessa) Dean Smeigh

-Advocate for Mental and Invisible Illnesses

-Author of Articles, Stories and Poems

http://www.tessacandoit.com

http://www.finallyawriter.wordpress.com (moving posts to other blog and will be deleting this one).

 

Religious Devotions – October 13, 2017 by Teresa Smeigh


bible-706662_1280

He Died on the Cross For Us

I will follow wherever you lead, my Lord!

By Teresa Smeigh

Trust God’s Plan!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Galations 4:4

When the fullness of the time came,God sent forth his Son.

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Are you waiting for some precious promise to happen? Do not despair. God keeps his promises.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear Father,

I trust your ways. Thank you for always providing beyond what I imagine.

Amen

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with you!

I Corinthians 6:23

Teresa (Tessa) Dean Smeigh

-Advocate for Mental and Invisible Illnesses

-Author of Articles, Stories and Poems

http://www.tessacandoit.com

http://www.finallyawriter.wordpress.com (moving posts to other blog and will be deleting this one).

 

No point in asking…


Why me? There is no point in asking as there is no answer forthcoming. If you believe in re-incarnation you could say I am paying for one hell of a sin.

The only thing I know is that I can barely stand it anymore. The pain pills are not helping or my pain is worse than I thought.

I am using a cane now to walk and need support to pull myself up and down stairs. I can’t do it on my own. Getting out of bed is pure excruciating pain and almost impossible for me to do now.  I thought I knew what a 10 in the pain score meant before, but that is now a 15. Worse than childbirth at times and my 3 children were born naturally no pain relief. I have lived with chronic pain for over 40 years yet it is still possible to find pain that is worse than that.

Last time I went through this I didn’t think it could get worse, but it can. Oh it certainly can. I have heard good and bad things about surgery if they go that route. I could become totally immobile. Heck I almost am now. Not sure I like them messing with my spine. I won’t even let the chiropractor touch it anymore.

My Fibromyalgia is joining in on the fun. I am in full flare, pins and needles from that. numbness and pins and needles throughout my entire body from pinched nerves and Fibro. Arthritis running amuck. Some people have mild arthritis, but don’t know just how bad it can get. And it could be rheumatoid arthritis and worse so I shouldn’t complain too much I suppose. I would gather that is worse. Mine is inflamed and wrapped around my spine and squeezing.

They call it degenerative for a reason. It will not get better. It will continue to get worse. Talk about a life sentence.

My anxiety is super high even with meds. My bipolar is actually fairly stable at the moment so I am not dealing with my mental health being out of control. Thank God for small favors at least.

Teresa (Tessa) Dean Smeigh

-Advocate for Mental and Invisible Illnesses

-Author of Articles, Stories and Poems

http://www.tessacandoit.com

http://www.finallyawriter.wordpress.com (moving posts to other blog and will be deleting this one).

In some parts of the world it is already my birthday.


Happy Birthday to me. I can barely stand the pain I am in. I had my gall bladder out the day after my birthday 30 years ago. Hard to think of them as happy when this kind of stuff happens.

Teresa (Tessa) Dean Smeigh

-Advocate for Mental and Invisible Illnesses

-Author of Articles, Stories and Poems

http://www.tessacandoit.com

http://www.finallyawriter.wordpress.com (moving posts to other blog and will be deleting this one).

Tessa Can Do It! She has to…trying not to just give up.


I started this trip at the ER. My first stop after the station was the orthopedic dr. There the original hope he gave me was snatched back and I was back on the tracks leading to pain management with not a lot of hope to travel with me. Appointments are hard to get and I have to wait. The longer I wait the worse it gets physically and mentally. I am finding it hard not to just give up hope that I will ever be pain-free again. I haven’t been for 40 years (and longer if you count my childhood problems), so where’s the miracle cure going to come from? How do I find that miracle I so much want to believe in.

The closer that appointment comes the more anxiety is building up. I have been told by the dr’s office that this train could veer off the tracks to another track leading to a neurosurgeon rather than just pain management out of which I will probably end up addicted to narcotics if the steroid shots don’t work and they weren’t very successful 7 years ago. I still lived in pain, just a lesser amount. You know they make sure you understand that those shots can make it better, make it worse or simply not work. My neck responded for almost 7 years with very little flare-ups, but my back did not respond at all and continually got worse. The chiropractor was supposed to help, but I cannot say he did really. He claimed he could fix all of my problems and without medications. Of course he pushed expensive nutrients, but no prescription medications. I finally had to tell him that he needed either to try something different or our relationship was over because I was worse off after an adjustment and simply suffered to the next appointment. So he tried to be gentler. I went less often and then this whole mess flared into a much worse situation. When I heard I had several pinched nerves I refused to have him mess with them. Part of me said one wrong movement and he could paralyze me. My faith in chiropractic care is not very strong and when you start messing with damaged nerves it scares me a lot.

This brings me to the religious part. I don’t understand what all this means in God’s plan for me. Back to am I being punished for some past sin, maybe one from another life if you believe in past lives (reincarnation)?

I am thankful to be alive, but I can’t find it in my heart to be thankful I am alive to suffer. I know pain is subjective. I know that some people have it much worse than I, but right now I am focused on me and how I feel. I can pray for others and their pain and suffering and I pray for mine, but it sure is harder when the pain is never gone, always getting worse.

Am I feeling sorry for myself? You bet I am and most of us do in this situation except for a few who get past this point without feeling sorry for themselves and have put all their faith in God. This is one of the reasons I gave up on God for 40 years. I don’t understand the suffering that is in this world or the killing either for that matter. What is it supposed to accomplish. I have been told God doesn’t give you anything you can’t handle. So this proves that I am stronger so heap on the pain?

You know I can’t lie, sit or stand without pain. There is nowhere to escape it. The pain pills are either not working or I am getting used to them and they don’t work as well. I can tell when they are about to wear off. I wake up almost to the hour they are due again.

I still have a week and a half before my pain management appointment. I will run out of pain medicine on that day as well or maybe the day before if I miscalculated which I will figure out closer to the date so I can spread them out if need be.

Tessa Can Do It hardly seems the right name for this blog right now. Will I do it, of course I will, I am stronger than I give myself credit for and for the simple fact I have no choice. I will not take that final step to end my misery because I promised my family and friends I would not do that again. God saved me then, he must have some other plans for me. There will, however, be many tears shed in the next few months or so depending on how things go because sometimes the pain is unbearable despite the pain pills.

God be with me as with you and I pray for any of you who are in similar situations and are dealing with your own pain, whatever that pain may be. God bless us all!!

Teresa (Tessa) Dean Smeigh

-Advocate for Mental and Invisible Illnesses

-Author of Articles, Stories and Poems

http://www.tessacandoit.com

http://www.finallyawriter.wordpress.com (moving posts to other blog and will be deleting this one).