Days like these are when suicide does cross my mind.
I am in so much pain. 40 years of chronic pain and this being has finally hit enough already. When does the pain stop. Why am I in so much pain? So much for God’s plan. What the hell is it already that it demands I be in constant, gut wrenching PAIN?
I have to ration the few pain pills I have for sleep hours so I can finally drift off only to wake up as it wears off. I take another one and since I don’t have enough for 2 a day I am going to run out and then I don’t know where I will stand.
I didn’t cry much despite all this pain in the last 40 years, but enough is enough is enough already. I need a fucking break from all of this.
My pain management appointment isn’t until October 17 and will have no medicine unless the orthopedic dr will relent and write me another script for some more. I have a 13 page document to fill out just to go to this pain dr. Filling out paperwork drives me crazy. They don’t even read it. They just have to have it in the record, but 13 pages for crying out loud. And I have to agree to constant drug tests to make sure I am taking the medications they prescribe and of course I have to pay for it. If I fuck up and take more than the actual dose or less than I could fail the drug tests and be thrown out of the practice. I also could end up addicted to a narcotic and have to make sure I don’t lose my meds or mess up the dosage as I will have to go to the hospital for withdrawal. Another rule I have to sign for. All because people abuse the drugs those of us who need them have to suffer.
I don’t want to need these drugs. I take so many drugs now and really who wants more. I don’t get high off of them I get a little pain relief if that.
The insurance company is playing God. They will only authorize the lumbar MRI. Told them they can use the cat scan for the cervical (neck). The pain dr uses the MRI for needle placement for the steroid shots.
I hate that insurance companies can play God rather than the dr who is treating you.
I will get the lumbar (lower back) MRI done on Saturday.
Man that hurt. Electric shock and pins in the nerves to test for nerve damage.
He only did the upper body so far. Not sure why the dr didn’t order the lower body since I have both upper and lower body pinched nerves and numbness and due to the diabetes he is concerned about diabetic neuropathy. So he is recommending the lower body also be done and he said it is best not to do them on the same day anyhow because after the upper body, I wanted to get out of there. I was quite uncomfortable and still am hours later.
Still waiting for the insurance company to preauthorize the 2 MRI’s.
Just called and no they don’t have any open ones, but the tubes are wider and shorter they say. I guess I will see. I did it before, by talking to myself.
I have decided to increase my carbs to 50 per day, still low carb, but not as drastic. I am not losing weight and the thought of eating like this the rest of my life is driving me nuts. I need more variety and I am picky as hell. It will most likely mean more insulin at first and I use insulin to correct what I am going to eat to keep my numbers lower.
Most days I probably won’t hit the 50 carb count anyway, but this gives me more choices. I am eating a lot more protein than the group I am in so will follow an atkins group which allows more protein. Atkins starts at 20 and goes up ater 2 weeks so already hit induction. I just reordered the original Atkins book and will attempt to reread. I know they have foods they don’t eat either. Most of them I am fine at, but 20 or less with my practically non-existent appetite has been hell and I am not losing weight. Something has to give or I am on insulin forever.
Going for nerve test today. Using pain pills sparingly since I have so few and appointment with pain dr isn’t until October 17.
Saw the orthopedic dr today. Both nerves are pinched, but can’t be fully seen on the cat scan so they are doing MRI’s on both. Getting the nerve test done to make sure no permanent damage and will see the pain specialist on October 17 to see about the steroid injections and pain management. He also wants me to do physical therapy on both areas, but that is simply out of the question and didn’t help last time. He also gave me 30 percocets that won’t last til pain management kicks in. Not happy about that, but the new laws suck. At least he gave me some. Also don’t know if insurance will agree to pay for part of the MRI’s yet. If not, no MRI’s.
I have told people I have Fibromyalgia already, but they are coming out of the wood work to add their 2 cents like it is new news. The Fibromyalgia isn’t helping this whole thing for sure.
Spent yesterday in the ER (emergency room) and my already bad arthritis (degenerative disk disease) has increased severely and is pinching nerves in the neck and back. Pain pills (narcotics) not helping much.
Can’t sleep for long or sit for long or stand for long. I couldn’t take the pain any more yesterday and I have lived with chronic pain for 40 years now.
My sugars are now high since they did give me steroids while there and the normal treatment at least the last time this happened which was 7 years ago was steroid shots. Can’t keep my sugars down while taking them. Wonder if treatment has changed since then.