I just can’t win. I am wheezing pretty bad and the inhaler is only giving me mild relief. This started yesterday and I was just at the drs on Friday, the pulmonary doctor, and he said my lungs were clear. Stopping the BiPap machine. Not working.
I couldn’t sleep last night. New antidepressant is supposed to be a sedative for most people. I should have known this would happen. I react the opposite to most medications. Still too early to try and see if it will help the Bipolar Depression.
I forgot to check my blood sugars this morning. They are high daily now since he didn’t try a new medication. I am on the same old oral meds that didn’t work before and he took one away.
Lousy Memorial Day – rainy, dark and chilly.
We didn’t go to the township’s barbeque that they hold free every Memorial Day.
The pain from the withdrawal is horrible. Hope drug # two isn’t as bad. I start the 2nd drug (anti-psychotic) in 1.5 weeks.
This morning I get fitted for my new diabetes shoes. Don’t ask me what the purpose is, but I can finally get a wide enough shoe. The problem is that there aren’t a lot of places my insurance will cover and I have to drive around 45 minutes.
The wind is ripping through the trees surrounding the house. I worry about a tree falling. Had one fall in another house. You can hear it. I didn’t know where it was going to land so I just covered my head and waited for the noise to subside. It was the neighbor’s tree and was headed for our house and our propane tank (could have gone kaboom). The electric wires bounced it off to the owner’s house and they had the damage and I and my house survived.
I’m supposed to be journaling for my therapist that I see weekly now. Haven’t been in the mood. Sort of let the blogs go too. I am trying to get myself together, but the withdrawal of the drugs is a mood breaker. Sometimes I would like to just cut my head off. Though it isn’t the only part of my body suffering more pain than I normally suffer.
Had my 4th sleep study. Still waiting for a mask that fits. They put one on and say perfect, but when I lie down it shifts and sucks.
What I need is sleep to help the pain and the cold. The mania keeps me up even though I don’t feel well. My pain is a definite 10/10 and I was down to 5 and it felt so good to have just minor pain and now my body is on full alert for Fibromyalgia and perhaps the spine issues. Can’t completely tell them apart. The Fibro is all across the many trigger points causing pain where I only get it when I am extremely stressed. Stress is my biggest trigger. Lack of sleep also causes it so the mania won’t let me sleep so it is a trigger as well.
Why can’t the head and body come to terms and give me a break. The week I had with little pain was so nice. It still hurts, but it is so much better you feel better.
Self-harming has increased. I found a new scab to pick and dig at. Just what I needed.
And a cold, can’t breathe, head and nose are stopped up.
Thankfully I have done my devotions scheduled in advance so I don’t have to worry about them. You should get one a day til the 2nd of January. Hopefully I am feeling better by then. And in the meantime the emails are piling up to at least 1600 right now, today.
If I can’t sleep I might pop back in if possible. Depends on how I feel. Lying down or sitting down are just as painful.
I seem to be in a mood of depression right now. I hate to drag myself out of bed, but right now I am sort of awake so I got up and caught up on my reading, wrote some on my NANOWRIMO and did a few devotionals scheduled ahead of time. Plus I wrote in my therapy journal. I am also taking a WordPress class on writing so I have plenty to keep my busy, but I am headed back to bed since I can sleep straight through and I am tired.
Well I finally took my lazy butt to a podiatrist because I have spent 4 months limping around with foot pain. He told me I have Plantar Fasciitis and for the first visit he taped it up and if it doesn’t go away he has a needle waiting for me, which people have been kind enough to tell me it hurts like a son of a bitch. Sooooooooooooooooo…………….
My friend the reflexologist has said that she can fix it with Reflexology. So when the tape comes off on Sunday I will have 3 days till my next appointment and so I set an appointment up with her for Monday. If she can take the pain away I won’t need that nasty old needle. If nothing else I will get a nice foot massage.
I have over 4000 emails. I am trying to figure out how to delete what I can and still skim over what might be important email. I didn’t think this through when I set things up. This blog goes to gmail, which I hate, with a forwarding to my main address. Net result 4000 here at my main email and I think 60,000 at gmail and I have to get over there and clear that out, but it is a slow process. WordPress won’t let me change the email I use. I don’t want to go no email and use the reader. I like knowing what is there that I have to read or want to read I should say and I know where I am with an email.
Of course I could get out of bed sooner and work on it LOL! I spend more than 8 hours in bed, not sleeping most of it, but in bed. Currently depressed and that is where I head.
Ok enough wasting time in here. I also have a regular journal to keep up with now. Busy, busy.
I finally got about 6 hours of sleep. Completely missed “Dancing with the Stars” which I am sorry for. I love that show, but sleep was more important.
I found the Ralph Marston Motivational site, but they have made it uncopyable except for a certain section that has part of the message and a link to the whole page if you wish to read it all. I will try to keep up with them, but it will mean clicking a link if you want his whole message. I know some of you really liked his messages when I was posting them before.
I don’t know if I can go back to sleep or not. I need some more, but not really tired right now. Well I am and I am not. Figure that out.
I don’t have to go anywhere today so I can stay up for awhile and then lay down again. I didn’t wear my BiPap machine. I think that machine is part of my trouble. I wake up continuously when it is on and sleep through without, but without I wake up with the sleep apnea, just not all the way awake. Either way sucks and I don’t get the sleep I need.