Tag Archives: Youtube Videos

Trying to get back into the swing of things.


I am having trouble getting back to regular blogging. The pain has become a major issue and I can barely stand it. Days of crying, don’t help, but what am I to do.

I just got a new pain management doctor since I changed to Medicare and have Medicaid. Dual coverage they call it and so most things should be covered. No more monthly premiums and all those copays.

My Medicaid also provides a home health aide to help with showering and dressing and the housework, shopping, and laundry. I also now have dental including dentures if/when I need them, hearing including hearing aids, and I am already certified by my last doctor as needing them 10 years ago, and eye checkups with glasses. I think it is one pair per year for diabetics.

They pay for my medical alert button and provide 1 meal a day.

There are a lot of other things, but I am not sure of everything that is part of the program. They do pay the 20% of what Medicare doesn’t cover. And due to my low income I am eligible with a lot of state help and/or medicare help for my prescriptions thank God. I couldn’t afford any on my little government disability check and the government is trying to get out of paying us as it is. Don’t know what will happen if they succeed. I can’t work.

My mental health is not quite as stable as it was. My anxiety is out of control during this pandemic and the uncertainty with the Medicaid.

Plus I spent April writing my book for NANOWRIMO and still working on other writing this month and when you get out of the habit it is hard to get back into it.

My dad’s nursing home (Long Term Care) has tested everyone for the virus and he doesn’t have it. However, their numbers are now, at last check, over 74 positive residents (all asymptomatic) and 9 positive employees with the first 3 employees now returning to work after recovering. And sadly 2 of the residents have died from the virus. We held for so long and it turned out they didn’t know they had sick residents since they weren’t showing any symptoms. They had decided to test all the residents and then the governor made it mandatory to test all nursing home residents. Half our numbers for the state are nursing home residents and assisted living residents. They don’t go out so they got it from the sick employees. However it seems that a lot of people are asymptomatic and not showing any signs of being sick, but they can pass it to someone else. This is a nasty virus and no wonder it is spreading so rapidly.

Our state is one of the worse and they are slowly starting to open things up a little bit. From what I have heard on the news there have been increases in the states that opened up earlier. That is what I expected would happen. We aren’t out of danger yet. Despite social distancing and wearing masks the numbers are still rising rapidly. I haven’t heard the last numbers we had. We have a lot of people still who insist that we don’t need masks or need to stay away from each other. I heard they had a party here last night and I think the largest number of people in groups is 10. I didn’t go, so I don’t know what happened. I am a huge risk factor so I am trying to protect myself.

I got notification from the pharmacy that I had a prescription for Narcan (to help prevent overdosing). I thought it was a mistake and contacted my prescriber which was my psychiatric nurse who writes my anxiety and psych meds. She told me that the governor has declared that anyone taking pain meds and anxiety meds must have Narcan available. Now I have to contact my pain management and report a new medication since that is the rule there, but as my psych nurse says he will have to write those same medications so I might get another one sent in from their office. She doesn’t prescribe me pain meds but knows I take them so she sent it in for me. I think that should have been done by pain management. I don’t have it yet as I am not making a separate trip when I know that I have other medications coming up for renewal.

Tessa – 

Advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses, also a devout Christian

Author – http://www.finallyawriter.com (this blog contains my old work mostly although occasionally I do add something new here), new work is mainly on this blog http://www.tessacandoit.com

Author of a book, a work in progress on the blog, https://tessacandoit.com/government-property-a-memoir-as-a-military-wife/

Highlighted chapters are done and ready to be read.

I am also a youtuber in the authortube section on writing. See my videos here:  https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCSpNS-6gfJ0s8eD1berLwQg

Here is one of my authortube videos on writing on youtube


Here is my channel on youtube.com:

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCSpNS-6gfJ0s8eD1berLwQg

Here is one of my authortube videos on writing on youtube

Tessa – 

Advocate for mental health and invisible illnesses, also a devout Christian

Author – http://www.finallyawriter.com (this blog contains my old work mostly although occasionally I do add something new here), new work is mainly on this blog http://www.tessacandoit.com

Author of a book, a work in progress on the blog, https://tessacandoit.com/government-property-a-memoir-as-a-military-wife/

Highlighted chapters are done and ready to be read.

 

Am I Psychotic (I have Bipolar Disorder 1) or Do You Believe in Ghosts and Things That Go Bump in the Night?


As I have mentioned occasionally I grew up in a household that believed in ghost, demons and things that go bump in the night. I still do.

However the last time I was admitted to the mental hospital they decided that I have Psychosis along with my Bipolar Disorder 1. They didn’t believe I was really seeing these things. The dancing mahjongg tiles yeah sure, psychotic. But I have seen things equivalent to a Stephen King movie. I wasn’t sleeping. I see, hear and feel things that aren’t supposedly there.

Right after our cat died I swore she came up and curled up on my legs to sleep just like she used to. In my house that was normal. Lots of people think I am crazy. I am sure I will never know for sure if this stuff is real or part of my mental health disorders. Of course that would mean my whole family is mentally ill because I wasn’t the only one affected.

We moved from one house because we had a ghost/poltergeist that wouldn’t stop touching my mom. She was terrified. In the same house I saw things in my room, would not go down in the cellar after the first trip down and had a full size doll whose eyes followed you around.

I also saw a boy in the mirror of another house. I was looking in that mirror and it sure as hell wasn’t me. I almost broke my neck running down the stairs away from it. i never looked in there again. I closed my eyes and felt for the step rail and pulled myself around so I looked away before opening my eyes. I had to shut my bedroom door due to the activity in the hallway at night. This same house had a spot in the kitchen that the animals would not cross over at certain times. Their hair stood straight up. SOMETHING was there.

We weren’t allowed to have a Quija board due to things happening with it. My parents forbade us from seeing the “Exorcist” as they were afraid we would draw the demons in similar to the Quija Board.

Now we get to last night. As an adult in this house I have seen, heard and felt things. It has been a couple of years since I saw or heard something. A man calls my name loudly, I yell what because I don’t want to see. Nothing is there, but he calls me over and over. Once it was female and I wondered if it was my deceased mom.

People have told me that God will call people when he wants their attention, although there is no actual conversation.

Last night my father told me to look up magic and the spiritual realm on youtube. He was telling me how some of those magicians claimed to be hooked up with the darkside and all their programs/signs were covered with demons. Well I started to watch it and soon I had had enough of it. I was seeing things that couldn’t be explained.

Well while trying to sleep a male voice kept calling my name over and over and waking me up. I told my dad about it and he told me not to watch it again. He was sorry he mentioned it because some people are very susceptible to things like that and considering my childhood and my adulthood as well he had a point. I had wicked dreams and I was actually dreaming of falling and hurting myself and I was feeling the pain. I could barely pull myself out of bed this afternoon. The last thing I need whether psychosis or real ghosts and demons is to bring them back into my life.

I have believed in the other side all my life even as a young child and now the possibility could be psychosis is the answer, but maybe it isn’t. What do you think?

Teresa (Tessa) Dean Smeigh

-Advocate for Mental and Invisible Illnesses

-Author of Articles, Stories and Poems

http://www.tessacandoit.com

http://www.finallyawriter.wordpress.com (no longer canceling this blog, just not adding new work to it, sign up for http://www.tessacandoit.com for the new posts).

Affirmations for Divine Assistance. “God Help Me Please” Divine Intervention. Relaxing Prayer. Long!


Worth listening to!

*************

Teresa (Tessa) Dean Smeigh

-Advocate for Mental and Invisible Illnesses

-Author of Articles, Stories and Poems

http://www.tessacandoit.com

http://www.finallyawriter.wordpress.com (no longer canceling this blog, just not adding new work to it, sign up for http://www.tessacandoit.com for the new posts).