I had a major drop today and felt like I was going to pass out. Glucose tablets weren’t working and I felt worse so I actually ate some carbs which is not recommended by the group I am in.

Now it is 3 AM and my sugar is 233 so I took some insulin and some low carb food to attempt to bring it down some without going too far. It is a nasty merry-go-round sometimes. The endocrinologist doesn’t want me to go below 100 to 170 which is simply too high for a diabetic. It leads to more meds and body damage that you hear about. If you talk to long time diabetics they know that the recommended amounts are too high and cause damage. However, one of the possible side effects with keeping our numbers in check is lows. I was doing really good there for a few weeks now I have an occasional low which usually isn’t too bad, but this 50 was stubborn and refusing to come up at first and then even though I was at 84 finally I still felt like passing out so I had a couple of mini cookies. Eventually it did come up and is now 233. So totally the wrong way and out of control tonight.

I hate playing this game. It is dangerous and we are subjected to damage such as eye loss, diabetic neuropathy,  amputation and our body organs shutting down from high sugars. The trick is keeping them down without going too low. Epic fail tonight.

Add to that the pain I am in. I don’t understand how you can take a higher dose of pain meds and still feel worse than you did on the lower dose. Plus still trying to get my arthritis meds refilled. I think that is part of it. Then of course, there is the lovely Fibromyalgia. It is flaring big time right now.

I am back to wanting to cry again the pain is so intense, my diabetes is already out of control and I haven’t had the steroids yet which are going to raise them super high and nothing I can do about that because those injections are necessary. I refuse to let this diabetes beat me. Diabetics so often die young because of uncontrolled blood sugars, but my doctor wants me to keep my numbers higher to avoid the lows, but if I do that I risk other problems

Oh and I got my EOB on my prescriptions and my fast acting Novolog taken with  meals is over $2000 for 3 months and the slow acting is almost $500 just for one month so $1500 for 3 months. The needles are over $152 for 90 days and the strips are another high number which I have forgotten. If I didn’t have extra help from the state I couldn’t even take them or any meds, Currently they aren’t charging me a copay for the meds at all thank God!

Hopefully my therapist and I will be working on positivity. I need it. Anything at all happens and I immediately go to the negative side. Can’t see the positive til maybe later if things work out which thankfully they usually do.

Teresa (Tessa) Dean Smeigh

-Advocate for Mental and Invisible Illnesses

-Author of Articles, Stories and Poems

http://www.tessacandoit.com

http://www.finallyawriter.wordpress.com (moving posts to other blog and will be deleting this one).