Anger at Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue and Chronic Pain


We feel betrayed by our bodies. Most of us have more than one disorder/pain going on. Even if we manage to get one to ease up, others appear.

We pretty much give up on fun. Physically we aren’t able to participate in sports or other physical activities. We have to say no at the last minute no matter how much we wish to participate in activities and that includes family activities. Our families don’t understand.

Some of us have to work still. I am on disability, but that limits my income to practically non-existent. Those that still work miss days and have a drop in income as well.

At one point I tried working a full time job and almost full time job just to keep a roof over my head and food in my stomach. I also tried to go to school at this time. Physically it made me very ill. I just couldn’t do it anymore and my bad finances became worse. There was no money for fun things even if I physically thought I could do them.

I no longer go to malls to just shop for the day with the kids (fully grown with kids of their own now).

Usually once a year we have a day trip to my sister’s shore house and spend time at the beach. The walk and getting in and out of a chair is nigh on impossible. I watch everyone else have fun. My body won’t let me do that. My family wants me there, but it is usually pure hell for the day and I have to spend days recuperating my strength. My father has driven the last couple of years since he started going now that Mom is gone. I can’t drive that far, the stress is too much also. Stress puts more strain on the Fibromyalgia and other chronic pain. Nothing has been said about this year yet. Not many weekends left.

There is also anger at the people who think we are lazy or faking and that includes family. We don’t look ill so strangers don’t believe it and sometimes even our own family doesn’t believe we are sick.

Invisible illnesses are not fun. Anger may be too weak of a term. I tend to rage about my deficiencies.

Teresa (Tessa) Dean Smeigh

-Advocate For Mental And Invisible Illnesses

-Author Of Articles, Stories And Poems

http://www.tessacandoit.com

http://www.finallyawriter.com

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26 thoughts on “Anger at Fibromyalgia, Chronic Fatigue and Chronic Pain

  1. darklady5

    Tessa I relate to you in so many situations, the differnce is that I have no family but my husband. I don’t go on social affairs anymore and most times not even my husband imagine how much pain I feel even though he has been there for me all along yet no matter how much we tell them that our body aches, our brain isn’t working today they don’t walk in our shoes… but I see you’re a person of faith, which I’m not, I stopped believing in any God or hope long ago, but just hang in there, you can overcome that anger, just think that’s a bad day… Big hug

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    1. Tessa Post author

      Thank you. I just came back to my faith after 40 years of denying His existence. It is possible to change you mind about so many things. I no longer have a husband. Sometimes I miss the closeness, but I don’t miss him. Not feeling charitable towards him. He was not my support.

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      1. darklady5

        Tessa dear sorry to hear that your husband was not what you expected and needed, I guess I am lucky on that despite my unlucky life 😦 . You might be right about faith yet I really don’t know how do I do that, you know, have faith, when all I see is unjustice… I wish so many days that I’d find someone that truly understands my fears and insecurities…

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        1. Tessa Post author

          I understand your fears and insecurities. There are times that my faith waivers again when I see the unjustice also, but I have come to understand that God does not give us what we can’t handle. My life is not easy and I suffer a lot of mental and physical pain, but I am surviving it. It has not killed me, it has made me stronger. I would love to have a perfect life, but in reality nobody has a perfect life. We all have our crosses to bear. I have my family, my blood family as opposed to the family I married into. Either I am not supposed to be married or he was not the one, but he taught me lessons and maybe that is all that he was there for. That and to give me 3 wonderful children which I would not have without him. I am blessed despite it all. May God bless you.

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            1. Tessa Post author

              I just read you post on faith and answered. I have added your blog to my list of must reads. I can see you need help and I will do what I can to advise you and make you feel better. Thanks for mentioning me and my blog. I will answer a few more posts. I see things that can maybe help you feel better or at least I will try.

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                1. Tessa Post author

                  Fibro fog is difficult when it comes to writing. I write for another blog and I am afraid it will be utter nonsense that I write. I also have a writing blog for poems and short stories. Some times I have to go back and correct what I wrote.

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                  1. darklady5

                    I can relate, I used to write poetry and publish it, it was my way to vent but on the past year there’s some kind of void in my soul and I just can’t express myself; I think that I tried to hide for too long my true feelings in order to help my husband on this difficult time that I forget how to express my feelings yet Tessa even though we may not make sense in some days just write even so it keeps our brain working and those who folow your blog will understand, suffering from FM it’s not easy and most days it’s a struggle to form words to talk or to make sense at all.

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                    1. Tessa Post author

                      If nothing else I write the daily devotional every day. I do a lot of prompts on my other blog. I used to do a lot more writing, but not a lot comes to me anymore especially during the depression phase of my bipolar.

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                    2. darklady5

                      Tessa please don’t get me wrong but I refuse myself to read things that has to do with religion, I just can’t it gives me a kind of allergy, I never read the bible nor I wish to, but I do respect others convictions, my husband is somewhat religious and have faith, I only read quotes from buddism because it’s a kind of philosophy rather than religion.And I do follow all your blogs here for some years now.

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                    3. Tessa Post author

                      Read what you want. I don’t force religion on anybody. It took me 4o years from when I was a child to come back to religion. I am thankful you follow me.

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  2. Susan Langer

    You describe the battle so well. We just are not able to do what we so wish we could still do. I really didn’t imagine my retirement to be full of illness and chronic pain but it is. My daughter doesn’t even ask me to go out with them anymore because she knows that the answer will be “no” because I just can’t. I told her the other day that if the trips to Target and dinner were only two hours maybe, but we are looking at five or more hours and I just can’t handle that amount of time. So I stay at home.:(

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    1. Tessa Post author

      I understand Susan. I went out with my daughter today. I was in terrible pain and knew no one. I was so glad to get home and climb in bed to cool off and stop the aching for a little while at least.

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  3. kate1975

    Hi Tessa,

    Bizarrely I was unsubscribed from you blog. This has been happening randomly lately to me, what a bummer. So glad to be back here again.

    So I didn’t realize that you were posting, and didn’t check, sorry about that, my health issues get in the way of so much stuff, as I know you can relate. I recently got a computer notebook and it is so great to feel like I am back online once again, big time, with a keyboard, so that I can interact with my friends more once again.

    I’ve been thinking of you lots in the last month. I wanted to let you know that I have been sending you a free Reiki healing session weekly for the last three weeks. I think that I will start doing that twice a week for you, for a while. Good and healing thoughts to you.

    Kate

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